


Fork it Over

by Barrel_Of_Monkeys



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Poor Life Choices, Prankster Harry, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Twilight Bashing, Vampire Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 20:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 74,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10601250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barrel_Of_Monkeys/pseuds/Barrel_Of_Monkeys
Summary: Little vampire Harry, along with his Sire Demetri, are about to really shake things up in Forks. Oh the adventures Harry will have.





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter. That magical world of wonder and excitement all belongs to the amazing and wonderful J.K Rowling. She is a gift and goddess to the literary world. Also I do not own Twilight.

Warnings: AU. I will run from canon and probably occasionally look back to make sure it’s not behind me waiting to bite my ass. Kiddy vamp!Harry, Awesome Volturi. Not so awesome Edward and Bella, but not outright bashing. HP world will play little in this, might pop up like a jack in the box and scare you though.

Pairings: Twilight Canon couples.

Prong 1

Demetri liked it when they were allowed out to hunt for upstart covens hoping to build an army. It was like a special field trip. Aro, Caius, and Marcus would choose a few select members of the guard and send them out. They would get to prowl the streets and track down armies of newborns, and when the time was right, it was like Christmas to humans. They pounced, they slaughtered, they loved it.

That was the case this time. Some nobody vampire with no talents decided he was bored. With boredom came ideas, and this one thought that creating a newborn army would give him some entertainment. The idiot didn’t think his plan through well enough because after he bit several people, the newborns turned on him and killed him. He wasn’t strong enough to handle several extra strong newborns at once, and perished. When the Volturi first got word of the accident, Aro sent Demetri and Felix out right away. 

They arrived in England and tracked down where the newborns were feeding in the slums of London. They went in, and started taking every single one of them out. Some begged- they killed them. Some fought, and they killed them. Some tried to run, and they made sure to give them an extra painful death. No one got away when Demetri was hunting. 

When they were almost done, one slick newborn managed to slip away and tried to flee. Demetri had to give the man a hand he was good. But not good enough. Demetri finished off the rest of the newborns and together Felix and him took chase. The newborn was fast, and Demetri expected that he had a talent, but he didn’t care. He would kill him all the same unless the gift was extraordinary and would impress Aro.

They followed the newborn until they reached the countryside. The Newborn, tired and hungry, diverted his course and went for a house. Demetri, at first glance, thought that the place must belong to a person who breeds dogs. There were too many of one dog for them to just like the animal. The newborn had slipped inside and started tearing out the throats of the people within. Demetri counted four of them. Felix stopped his friend and offered to go in alone. The tracker let him. Felix was better equipped to handle a newborn that just fed, and Demetri didn’t want to get in the way. So while Felix went to take out the last newborn, Demetri wandered around the land. 

As he was approaching a rather tall tree, he caught a scent. A delicious scent. A scent that sang to him, and made his mouth fill with venom even at the faintest trace of it on the wind. Demetri’s eyes went black as he searched out the source. Hearing a heartbeat, Demetri stalked forward until he reached the tree. Looking up he saw a pair of bright green eyes staring at him in fear. Smiling at the little boy in the tree, Demetri jumped and grabbed the boy, twisting him in midair so his neck was exposed and Demetri bit down, savouring the delicious nectar that flowed into his mouth. The tracker gave a moan at the taste. He didn’t think he had ever had a human taste this well.

Demetri was pulled from his feast when he landed on his feet and Felix appeared, staring at him with wide eyes. Demetri detached his fangs from the child’s neck and licked his lips, wanting to collect every single drop of blood he managed to take from the little body in his arms. 

“Demetri...” Felix started.

“Singer.” Demetri responded promptly. Felix’s eyes showed his understanding.

“The ones inside are dead.” Felix stated.

“Hmm.” Demetri said in turn. He cradled the small body in his arms, wishing the child had been bigger so that he could have feasted on more of his blood. But you don’t always get what you want. The tracker was contemplating leaving the kid outside or throwing him inside with his family, when he heard a moan and whimper.

Felix’s eyes shot wide as he looked at the little body in Demetri’s arms. The tracker, not wanting it to be real, slowly looked down. The child’s eyes were closed, his skin deathly pale letting his unique lightning bolt scar stand out, his heartbeat was faint, and when Demetri bent down and smelled, he could smell his own venom working its way through the child’s system.

“Well shit...” Demetri summed up the entire situation. 

o.O.o Years Later o.O.o

Bella, Edward, Emmett and Alice stood in front of the Volturi, watching and waiting for what the group would do. Edward was thinking that coming here to die was probably one of his more dumb ideas, Emmett was hoping for a good fight and a chance to live, Alice was trying to see into the future hoping she would see what would happen, and Bella.... well Bella wasn't sure what was happening or how she ended up underground Italy with a group of ancient looking vampires.

"Well isn't this quite the situation we have found ourselves in." Aro spoke with an amused tone from his seat. "Edward begs us to kill him, threatens us, and then is saved by a human..." He trailed off.

"Let Bella go." Edward demanded.

"Tsk tsk... I don't think you are in the position to be making such demands Edward." Aro lightly chided.

Edward merely glared in response.

"Felix...Kill the human." Aro commanded.

A very tall vampire with black hair, olive skin with a chalky pallor, and broad shoulders stepped out of the assembled guards. With a flirty little smile and wink at Bella, he lunged forward. Edward cut him off, and as Alice was ready to join, Demetri grabbed her by the chin. Emmett was also halted by two other guards that appeared, keeping him in place. Edward was quickly overwhelmed by Felix, and right before Felix was going to kill Edward, Aro stopped him.

"No no Felix, there's still hope he will join us." Felix stopped, but didn't let Edward rise from the floor. "Well this is all very touching that you want to let your little human love live, you have to understand the rules. She knows about us so either she dies or is turned. But I am curious as to why you are so enamoured with this one..." Aro explained.

"Just let Bella go." Edward rasped from his position on the ground.

"Come human, give me your hand." Aro commanded.

Bella hesitantly walked forward, looking back at Alice, Edward, and Emmett occasionally. Aro moved his hand in what looked like an encouraging gesture, but it did not soothe or comfort the girl. When she reached the Vampire leader, she placed her hand in his, and waited. Aro looked the girl in the eye and smirked. 

"Jane, come test your gift on this human." Aro commanded. A young blonde girl stepped forward.

"No!" Edward yelled as he struggled to get to his feet.

Jane looked at Bella, and concentrated. When nothing happened, Jane's face contorted in pain and frustration. Aro chuckled and held up a hand. "That's enough Jane." the blonde girl stepped back, looking furious. "Well isn't this interesting... Edward dear, does your gift not work either?" Aro asked.

Edward tried to stay silent but one gesture from Aro to Jane and Edward screamed in pain. When the screaming stopped, Aro asked again. Finally, Edward grudgingly admitted that no; his gift did not work either.

"Well maybe she should be turned after all and be allowed to join Volterra. I think her gift would be very beneficial."

Bella stepped back and slowly walked back to Alice and Emmett, as Edward struggled on the floor, denying Aro's words. "Bella will not be turned and damned to this life. Even if she were we would never join you." He yelled.

Bella watched as Edward argued in her favour, while Aro watched him in that amused sort of way that parents watched their children explain their daily boring adventures. Bella was considering stepping in and expressing her desire to be turned when she felt something poke her cheek. She lifted a hand to swat it away. She felt it poke her a second time and once again she tried swatting it away, wondering if the Volturi knew they had bugs down here. She was poked a third time and Bella decided to check what was poking her. Turning her head, she was met with the sight of a child sitting cross-legged, hovering beside her, and looking at her in a contemplative state. Bella screamed.

All eyes snapped over to her when a single groan broke through the silence.

"Harry! I told you to stay in our room!" Demetri said from where he was still holding Alice in place.

The child, Harry, turned towards the other vampire and gave an impish smile. "I was going to, but then I was curious. I was hiding but I noticed that this girls face never changes. Like ever! Not when she's scared or surprised. Even screaming it stayed in that bored looking state." 

"An immortal child?" Alice said softly.

"I can't believe this!" Edward raged. "You will kill Bella because of law, but is it not your own law that states one can never create an immortal child? That creator and child will be killed immediately, yet here you have one!"

Aro looked at Edward before addressing Harry. "Harry love, why don't you return to Demetri now." 

Harry giggled as he uncurled his body, placing one cold hand on Bella's shoulder he pushed himself away and floated across the room to Demetri. Demetri let go of Alice and plucked Harry out of the air. Once he had him, Demetri said "Hover Off." and Harry went limp in his arms. Demetri lowered Harry to the floor, and once he was free, the child scampered behind Demetri's legs, shyly peeking his face out afterwards.

"Harry is a very special child." Aro started. "When Demetri accidently turned him, I had prepared myself to kill the best tracker in the world. However, upon meeting the little one, we found him to possess amazing self-control and maturity. After numerous tests, we deemed him to be of no threat and allowed Harry and Demetri to live. Plus the little guy is just too adorable to kill."

The Cullen’s stared at Aro in shock. The image of the terrifying Vampire leader was slowly being shattered. Edward seemed to recover first, as it was usually the case when Bella was involved. "If you can make an exception for that child than why can't you let Bella live without being turned?"

"Because Bella is not Harry." Aro stated simply, his smile finally disappearing. Aro and Edward entered a heated staring contest.

"Hover on." A voice intoned, breaking the silence that descended.

Edward and Alice turned incredulous eyes to their brother. Emmett grinned sheepishly at them. "I just wanted to see if it would work." he explained. 

A quiet giggle came from behind Demetri as a head of messy black hair popped out. Harry gave Emmett a shy smile and wave before ducking back behind Demetri.

"I'm sorry but it doesn't work like that." Caius spoke up, startlingly the Cullen’s. "Only Demetri has the ability to command Harry's power."

"Oh..." Emmett pouted a little. 

"Yes our little Harry is so special. He can float, fly, and switch personalities." Aro bragged.

"Switch personalities?" Alice asked.

"Yes. Harry is a shy little vamp on ground. But in the air he is a mischievous little prankster."

The Cullen’s tried to look at Harry but the little vampire was safely hidden behind Demetri. Aro watched with amused eyes as Harry avoided the Cullen’s gaze, before Marcus brought him back to the task at hand, with a few whispered words.

"Of course Marcus, of course. Now Bella must die." Aro announced.

"No!" Edward screamed.

"Wait!" Alice called. "Bella will be turned! I saw it!"

The three Volturi leaders looked at the smallest Cullen. "Have you? Will you let me see?" Aro asked, but his tone told them it wasn't a question but a demand. Alice nodded her head and walked towards Aro. Aro held her hand and closed his eyes as Alice's vision flashed across his mind. Opening his eyes, he smiled. "Will it seems she will be turned. I guess there's no reason to kill her. Felix let Edward up."

After that, they Cullen’s were allowed to leave. Once they were gone, Harry and Demetri approached Aro.

"Aro?"

"Yes Demetri?" Aro looked at his best tracker.

"Harry is bored and is wondering if you would let us go to Forks and investigate this Bella Swan further. He thinks Edward might try to renege on his deal and not turn her." Demetri explained.

Aro took a moment to think it over before a cruel smile appeared on his face.

"I think that is a lovely idea. Harry love, make sure to cause lots of havoc for the Cullen family while you're there."


	2. Prong 2

2 Prongs to annoy them all

The plane was just landing when Alice was hit with a vision. It didn’t show much but what she did understand was that Charlie and Bella would be getting houseguests. Their faces were blurry and she didn’t see anything past them arriving, but Edward being Edward read her mind and started questioning Bella if she knew if anyone was coming to visit. Bella had shaken her head in confusion, and the subject was dropped. They wouldn’t get any further.

Thinking it over, Alice decided it would be best to wait and not mention this to the rest of her family. After all, it wasn’t like the vision showed her that anything bad was going to happen. It could just be Bella’s mother and her husband dropping by. Walking through the gate, Alice forgot all about her vision when she saw Jasper waiting for her. She rushed over to her mate and threw herself at him. They were all together again.

o.O.o

Charlie Swan had just sat down, removed his shoes, and cracked a beer when someone knocked on the door. With a heavy sigh, big heave, and some muttering Charlie got up from his recliner and walked to the door. Opening he was surprised to see a young man, probably late 20’s, black hair, dark brown eyes, olive skin but oddly pale, and smartly dressed standing there.

“How can I help you?” Charlie asked.

“Are you Charlie Swan?” the man asked. Charlie couldn’t place his accent. He was thinking Greek, maybe Italian... could be British or French for all Charlie knew. 

“Yes I am.” Charlie answered simply.

The young man gave him a relieved smile before holding out his hand. “Hello Mr. Swan. I am Demetri Robins, and this is Harry Robins.”   
Charlie shook the man hand, and hoped he wasn’t crazy because he could only see one person on his porch. Apparently, his thoughts showed on his face because Demetri gave a deep chuckle. “Harry come introduce yourself.” Demetri said looking down and behind him. Charlie followed his gaze and saw a little boy appear behind Demetri.

“Hello Sir.” A small soft voice spoke. Charlie studied the kid and saw that he also had black hair, accent, usually pale complexion, and those dark brown eyes. They could be father and son, if you looked hard enough. Though Demetri looked too young to be having children, Charlie wouldn’t judge. He knew that young teenagers liked to experiment and Demetri’s experiment may have ended in a surprise. He could respect the young man because he seemed to be willing to care for his child.

“We’re sorry to show up unannounced like this Mr. Swan, but recently our mother passed, and we were looking for other family members. We searched hard and we finally came upon your name and we just got too excited and seemed to have shown up here without proper introduction or contact first.” Demetri rambled out quickly in a nervous tone, leaving Charlie’s thoughts swirling.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh I’m sorry; my mouth has seemed to run away with me again.” Demetri apologized. “Our mother” he gestured towards himself and Harry, “passed away two weeks ago. Our father had already walked out on us just after Harry was born, and well I can try to support him, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to live pay check to pay check with me.”  
Charlie nodded his head; he could agree that such a lifestyle would be hard on anyone, never mind a person also trying to support a child.

“Well we looked into our family’s past and we realized that our mothers, father was the son to the youngest boy your grandmother gave birth to, and well...” Demetri trailed off.  
Charlie was going to work the math out in his head, but he figured that if they were claiming to be family the least he could do was invite them in. “Come on in you two, we can talk more inside.”

“Thank you Mr. Swan.” Demetri said as he turned and took Harry’s hand and led him inside.

Once they were seated, Charlie started up the conversation again. “So my grandmothers youngest sons..”

“son.”

“ son’s, daughter, was your mother?” Charlie asked for clarification. 

“Yes.” Demetri answered simply as he pulled a few sheets of paper from the inside pocket of his coat and passed them over. “Just in case you didn’t believe us.”

Charlie took the paper and opened them to see a family tree. Following the lines of one he saw his name and Bella’s, and few spaces over on another branch was Demetri and Harry Robins. “so are you looking for money?” Charlie asked, unsure why these two would chase such an elusive family connection.

“Nothing like that Mr. Swan-“

“Call me Charlie.” Charlie cut in.

“-It’s just I was looking for someone who would be kind enough to look after Harry for a few weeks. Just until I find a higher paying job and can take him back full time, without worry. I will even pay you back for any expenses when I come to get Harry again.” Demetri quickly offered at the end.

“What is your plan for a job and school? You are still in school aren’t you?” Charlie asked. He certainly looked young enough to be.

“Well I just finished my university degree last semester and I was looking around for a job, while working at a gas station in Michigan, but with Harry now, I plan to keeping working at the gas station and send out various resumes to look for a new job. I will point out that I am willing to move for work, and hopefully if someone hires me, I can use my savings to find a nice apartment for Harry and I in a new city.” Demetri explained.

Charlie looked over at the little boy that this conversation was revolving around. Harry was playing with the hem of Demetri’s coat, closely cuddled into his side.

“How old are you, Harry?”

Harry’s head snapped up at the question, “Nine sir.”

Charlie frowned. Nine was much too young for a child to be moved around constantly. They needed stability and a nice home. Looking at Demetri, Charlie got the feeling that he was a nice guy, and they way he looked at Harry, you could tell he greatly cared for the child. Charlie made up his mind over the situation, he was a good man, and a family man, no matter what anyone else would say.

“Demetri, I could help you find a job here in Forks and I have a spare bedroom if you and Harry don’t mind sharing.” Charlie offered.

Demetri looked at him with wide eyes, while Harry mirrored his expression. “Mr. Swan you don’t need to do that. Just watching Harry is fine, I can go back to Michigan-“

“Nope. I want to do this. Your family and family should always look after one another. Harry is greatly attached to you and it would probably tear him up to see you go. Plus you also need stability and while you live and work here in Forks, I can help you out. All I ask is that you respect the rules of this house, respect the people of Forks, and work hard.”   
Demetri nodded his head before he addressed Harry. “Would you like that Harry? If the two of us moved to Forks?”

Harry nodded slowly before giving Charlie a shy smile. “Thank you sir.”

“None of that sir business, just call me Charlie!” Charlie felt something warm inside of him at the sight of Harry’s smile. It was the same feeling he used to get when Bella visited him. Comparing then and now didn’t make Charlie feel old, in fact he felt more youthful in the presence of these two.

“Now, do you two have luggage or anything to bring in before I show you your room?” Charlie asked as he stood.

“Well, we have a few bags in the car.” Demetri answered.

“Well let’s go get you moved in. Then we can talk about you quitting your job in Michigan and when you will go and get the rest of your stuff.” Charlie stated as he put on his shoes. He would need to call Bella and tell her about their houseguests, but first he needed to know where his wayward daughter was and when she was getting back.

Looking at Demetri and Harry, and how polite both were, he hoped their politeness and Demetri’s responsible personality would rub off on his daughter. 

o.O.o

Bella and Edward were driving up to her house when Edward stiffened and stopped the car. His nostrils flared as he took in the scent of other vampires around Bella’s house. The scent was familiar but he couldn’t quite place it. His thoughts jumped to Victoria, but if it were her than Alice would have seen.

“What’s wrong Edward?” Bella asked.

“I smell vampires.” Edward told her simply. “Stay in the car. I’m going to go check it out.” Bella nodded.

Edward exited the car and ran to Bella’s front door. He could tell that the vampires were inside with Charlie. He couldn’t hear their thoughts, it came in muddy. Running to the side of the house, Edward scaled the tree outside of Bella’s window and stepped inside her room. Looking around, the room looked the same as he had left it all those months ago. 

Bella never seemed to change.

Edward walked towards the door, and opened it peeking out. The hallway was clear so, Edward stepped into, hoping to get a hint as to why two vampires were here. He made it to the top of the stairs when he heard someone speak.

“Charlie, is someone else here? I thought I heard someone walking upstairs.” Edward froze. He knew that voice. Mentally cursing, Edward ran back into Bella’s room and outside. 

He got back to his car and started the engine.

“Edward did you find anything?” Bella asked as she placed a warm hand on his forearm.

“Demetri from the Volturi is inside your house.” Edward hissed as he slammed the car into reverse and took off.

“Demetri? What about Charlie?” Bella asked sending fear filled eyes towards the direction of her house.

“He seemed fine. It sounded like he was talking to them.” Edward switched gears and spun the car around, pushing on the gas to speed away.

“Where are we going now?”

“My house, I need to tell the others.” Edward explained, mentally going over everything he knew about Demetri and trying to find a reason he would be in Forks.  
Once they got back to the Cullen’s Edward ran around the car and let Bella out. Before they reached the door, it swung open to see a worried Esme waiting for them.“Edward dear what’s wrong? Jasper could feel your anxiety as soon as you hit the driveway.”

“Demetri from the Volturi is in Forks. More specifically he’s in Bella’s house.” Edward explained. He heard several exclamations of surprise race through his family’s minds.

“Are you sure?” Carlisle asked.

“Positive. I recognized his voice.”

“But Alice should have seen if someone from Volterra was going to show up.” Esme frowned.

Alice looked upset but at the reminder of seeing it clicked. “Oh..”

“Oh what?” Rosalie asked.

“I got a vision just as we landed that Bella would get visitors. I couldn’t see their faces though, but Charlie looked happy to see them. Charlie and two others were sitting in her kitchen talking and laughing about something, so I didn’t think much of it.” The smallest Cullen explained.

“Well you should have seen the Volturi sitting there, probably plotting on how to kill Bella.” Edward snapped.

“Edward don’t take your anger out on Alice.”Esme reprimanded him.

Edward sent an apologetic look to Alice and she smiled in turn. “It’s fine Esme, but what we need to do is find out why Demetri is here, how to get rid of him, and how to keep Bella safe.” Alice said.

“I say we just let him kill the human.” Rosalie piped up.

“Rosalie!” Carlisle scolded this time.

“What? Demetri kills Bella, he leaves, and we’re all happy and safe.” Rosalie explained without remorse.

Edward growled at his adopted sister.

“Stop it you two. We won’t give Bella up to be killed.” Carlisle announced. “Plus I don’t think Demetri is here to kill Bella.”

“What?” The entire coven said at the same time.

“Carlisle...you told us yourself that the Volturi was a bunch of ruthless killing vampires with elitist issues.” Jasper spoke up.

“They do kill a lot but it’s mainly to feed. Also they are the only reason we have a vampire government. I can admit that without them then there would be a serious lack of humans or vampires would have been hunted down and extinct a long time ago. The rules they set were beneficial to the vampire community. They are ruthless because if they show mercy, then some other coven may try to use that and take over. 

While they may be ruthless, they are honourable in their own way. If they said they wouldn’t kill Bella, then they won’t unless they have a just cause. If Demetri is here than he was probably sent to keep tabs on the situation but isn’t a real threat.” Carlisle explained.

“Do you think we could talk Demetri into eating Bella?” Rosalie curiously asked.

“Rosalie!” The Cullen coven yelled.

“Bella will not be eaten.” Carlisle commanded. “I think we should go over to Bella’s and talk to Demetri. We can personally ask why he is here, and if he plans to stay we need to   
inform him about the treaty.”

“Will we all go?” Alice asked.

“No. I think Edward, and I should be enough.” Carlisle stated.

“Honey, are you sure? Alice said there are two people, and I remember you telling me that Demetri and Felix are close. In case there’s trouble maybe we should all go.” Esme spoke up.

“You’re right...” Carlisle trailed off, going deep in thought.

“It’s probably Harry.” Emmett spoke up for the first time. The sudden boom of his voice had everyone staring at him. “Well Aro said Demetri is the only one who can control Harry’s powers and I don’t think Demetri would leave the little guy in Volterra to cause havoc.” Emmett explained.

“That... that sounded smart.” Alice piped up.

Emmett sent a small glare at her. “I am not dumb like you all think. Plus how can you guys not remember that kid? He was floating all around Bella and giggling.” 

“I know you’re smart love.” Rosalie soothed “You are much smarter than Alice and Edward.”  
Emmett seemed slightly mollified by Rosalie’s words but still a little offended. 

“Kid?” Carlisle asked.

“You won’t believe this Carlisle,” Edward perked up “the Volturi turned a child, and kept it. They broke their own law.”

Carlisle frowned again. “That doesn’t sound like Aro, Caius or Marcus...”

“The kid is awesome though. He floats! Like actually floats!” Emmett seemed back to his cheerful self.

“Even with a gift I don’t think they would keep him alive. Children have no control and when they throw a temper tantrum they can slaughter hundreds.”

“You just have to meet the kid to understand.” Emmett argued.  
Carlisle seemed to think over Emmett’s words. “True, maybe we should go meet him now.”

“I think we should all go.” Esme stated.

“Yes I agree.” Carlisle conceded. The Cullen’s plus Bella trekked out to the garage and loaded into two cars. They pulled out and started on their way to Bella’s house.

o.O.o

Charlie was in the kitchen talking with Billy Black about cancelling their plans for the night, while Harry and Demetri sat in the living room.

“Demetri how long until the Cullen’s get here?” Harry asked quietly so only his partner could hear, while stopping himself from rubbing at his contacts.

“Soon, I can sense them getting closer.” Demetri answered idly playing with Harry’s wild hair. “Once Edward heard me he ran straight back to his family to warn them.”

“Do you think Aro was telling the truth when he said that Edward sits outside the humans window watching her sleep?”

“Probably.” Demetri answered simply. When the head beneath his fingers started rising, the tracker pushed it down and said ‘hover off’ without thought. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Demetri playing with hair, Harry thinking, and Charlie laughing at some joke or story Billy Black told.

“They’re here. All of them.” Demetri whispered.

A moment later the door was heard opening. Charlie quickly ended his call and strode into the living room, giving Demetri a look before continuing to the front hallway.

“Charlie I’m home.” Bella called.

“Bella!” Charlie said happily. “And the Cullen’s. Doctor I thought you and your family moved away.” Charlie was heard saying.

“Well you know young love. Edward just couldn’t stop complaining about missing Bella and convinced us to move back.” Carlisle answered.

“Yes, Edward...” The two Volturi members smiled at the clear dislike that sounded through Charlie’s voice. “Well come in, everyone. Bella I’m glad you’re finally home, there’s some people I would like you to meet.”

Harry crawled onto Demetri’s lap as the Cullen’s shuffled into the living room. Seats were quickly filled after some chairs were brought in from the kitchen.

“Bella I would like you to meet some cousins of yours. This is Demetri Robins and his little brother Harry.” Charlie announced. Harry gave a small wave, while Demetri grinned and offered a ‘pleasure to meet you’.

“Charlie, are you sure their related to us?” Bella asked bluntly, ignoring the two.

Charlie gave his daughter a stern look. “Bella that is not very polite. Yes I’m sure, and they will be staying with us for awhile so you should be more hospitable to them.”  
“Well this is a nice little reunion, I think some tea would be nice. Chief Swan would you mind if I went to prepare some?” Esme asked.

Charlie sat up. “Don’t worry yourself Mrs. Cullen, I will go make some. And just call me Charlie.”

“That would be lovely, and I keep telling you to call me Esme.” The motherly vamp smiled at the officer. Charlie went to the kitchen with a small smile, leaving the rest.

“Why are you here?” Edward quickly hissed, quiet enough so Charlie wouldn’t hear, but loud enough for Bella.

Demetri sat back on the couch in an arrogant posture, pulling Harry with him, and smirked. “Just connecting with long lost family of course.” Demetri drawled in a deep tone, sending a shiver down the female’s spines.

“Aro said you wouldn’t kill Bella.” Edward argued.

“We won’t. No need to worry about your little human, mind reader.” Demetri continued to smirk staring straight into Edwards eyes.

“We won’t hurt her.” Harry spoke softly, startling everyone.

Carlisle stared at Harry intently, “How old were you when you were turned?” 

“Nine, sir.” Harry stated simply.

“Why did you two come here?” Carlisle asked, not stopping his observation of Harry, looking for anything that would tell him more about the child. So far all he learned was that he was polite

“Aro wanted us to check on your health sir.”

Carlisle didn’t believe the little vampire and turned towards Jasper and Edward.

“Demetri feels smug and Harry seems nervous in front of us. I don’t think he’s lying- maybe just not telling the whole truth.” Jasper said.

“I can’t hear them. Their thoughts are muffled somehow.” Edward added.

Carlisle frowned. This wasn’t ideal.

“Tea’s ready.” Charlie called as he walked back into the room. He was carrying a tray with various coffee cups, a box of orange pekoe, and the electric kettle. “Who would like some?”

“I think Edward said he wanted some when you left sir.” Harry said. Demetri clamped a hand on the child vampire’s shoulder. 

Charlie gave Edward a strange look. “Well Ladies first, Mrs. Cullen?”

“Thank you Charlie.” Esme smiled at them man, ignoring the look he had just sent at her son.

Charlie started pouring tea and awkwardly stirring it about before handing the cup to each of the females in the room. Esme and Alice accepted their gracefully, Bella just blinked at her cup, and Rosalie sniffed before giving a small ‘thank you’.

A sniffle brought all eyes in the room to Harry. Harry was slightly rubbing his nose, and looking down, his bangs covering his eyes. 

“What’s wrong Harry?” Charlie asked with concern. The boy was in Demetri’s lap, and Demetri was using one hand to hold Harry’s shoulder, his thumb rubbing small circles.

“Nothing, sir.” Harry said softly before he mumbled something. The vampires heard gibberish.

“Are you sure sport?”

Demetri looked up with sad eyes, slowly bringing Harry to his chest to comfort him. “He said that Edward is looking at him meanly and it scares him.” Demetri supported his statement by sending his own glare at Edward. 

Charlie turned a stern look to Edward. “Well it’s getting late Doctor, and I’m sure you would like to take your family home for a nice dinner.” Charlie said trying to politely dismiss that Cullen family.

“Of course. Actually we were wondering if it would be alright to have Bella stay over for a few days. The girls just got back together and I’m sure there’s lots to catch up on.” Carlisle asked politely, itching to question the Volturi members more, but keeping his desire at bay.

Charlie frowned. “I’m sorry Doctor but Bella is grounded.”

“Charlie!” Bella finally spoke to object.

“No Bells, you took off like that. You never called, you didn’t ask permission, and frankly I think that just shows how young and irresponsible you are. I know your friends are back, but actions have consequences.” Charlie said firmly.

“Chief Swan, maybe an exception just this once.” Carlisle tried to haggle.

“Mummy never had exceptions. She said letting one off punishment was teaching them bad habits.” Harry said softly.

Charlie sent a warm smile his way. “See Doctor, I wouldn’t want to reinforce bad habits. Maybe once Bella is ungrounded she can go visit but until then she isn’t leaving this house unless it’s for work, or school.”

Charlie started ushering the Cullen family to the door, while Bella argued. Edward turned around and glared at Harry, but the little vampire sent him a wicked looking smirk. The child vampire stuck his tongue out at the mind reader before letting out a quiet giggle. Demetri merely smirked that irritating smirk once more before leaning forward and saying ‘hover off’.

Edward wasn’t happy.


	3. These Are Not The Prongs You Are Looking For

Charlie stumbled down the stairs at night thinking about his midnight snack. He was trying to decide between a piece of toast with peanut butter or cookies. It was a tough choice. On one hand, peanut butter was healthier, but it was sticky and he would need to brush his teeth again to make sure none was left in his mouth or moustache. But, on the other hand, cookies were less messy and tasty. Especially the ones that little Harry made earlier. The little boy may be shy and quiet but he could make one mean double chocolate chunk cookie. 

As he walked into the kitchen, he nearly stumbled over a small foot hidden under the island. Instantly on alert, Charlie grabbed the nearest knife in the block and held it out. He bent down and was ready to yell for Bella or one of the boys to call the station when he saw messy black hair and large dark eyes staring at him. Charlie let out a sigh of relief when he saw Harry.

“Hey sport, what are you doing under there?” Charlie asked. He looked at the child and saw that he was wearing the shirt Demetri wore earlier as a night shirt, He also had his arms wrapped around him, and was facing towards the back door.

“I came down for milk and saw someone outside. I got Demetri and he went out to see if it was safe.” Harry whispered.

The alert attitude Charlie had just dropped was instantly back. If Harry saw someone outside, than Charlie believed him. Harry wasn’t the type of child that would lie, Charlie knew that, even if he only knew the two brothers for a day.

“I’ll go check too sport.” Charlie reassured the hiding child.

Charlie straightened his back, kept his knife close at hand, and quietly made his way to the door. He opened it a crack and peeked outside, before stepping out fully. Not bothering to close the door completely in case he needed to run in quickly to phone the station, Charlie stepped out on the porch and looked around.

“Let go of me!” A snarl came from the side of the house. Charlie dashed to the corner and looked around to see Demetri pinning someone to the trunk of the tree.

“What’s going on here?” Charlie called.

Two faces whipped to face him, and Charlie was a little shocked to see the pale face of Edward Cullen. “When Harry saw someone I came to look and found this pervert sitting in a tree outside your daughter’s window.” Demetri quickly explained.

Charlie’s shocked expression quickly morphed into one of fury. “You were spying on my daughter from her window in the middle of the night?” Charlie bellowed. His voice seemed to cause the neighbours to wake as a light next door flickered on. His neighbour, Dave, stuck his head out.

“Charlie what’s going on? You nearly woke the entire street!” The other man called.

“Sorry Dave, but could you do me a favour and call the station? I need someone arrested.”

“Uh... Sure Charlie.” The other man called before his head disappeared inside.

Another window opened and this time Bella was the one looking around for the commotion.

“What’s happening Charlie?” Bella asked in a daze.

“Nothing dear just go back to sleep.” Charlie called up. Bella didn’t seem to want to listen as she opened her eyes further and spotted Edward and Demetri.

“Demetri what are you doing to Edward?” She screeched.

“Don’t be upset with Demetri dear, he caught Edward spying on you. I think you should be thanking him.” Charlie stated.

“Edward wasn’t spying on me. He was watching over me like he used to do.” Bella blurted out.

Charlie froze.

“Bella dear, did you just say that Edward has done this before, and you knew about it?” Charlie’s voice was stone cold as he processed his daughter’s words. Oh they would be having a talk.

“I.... uh-“ Bella stumbled.

“Charlie? Demi? Are you okay?” A small voice called. Charlie turned to see Harry’s head look around the corner. His anger faded a little at the sight of the scared child.

“We’re fine, love.” Demetri called.

“Okay...” Harry said before he stepped out fully from the corner. Charlie frowned a little at the sight of Harry’s bare feet. He would be feeling the cold soon. Siren’s in the distance broke the Chief from his thoughts.

A patrol car pulled up, and a uniformed officer stepped out. Charlie walked over and greeted the man, before instructing him to arrest Edward. The officer was hesitant at first to arrest the good doctors son, but on the command of Charlie he complied. Charlie than stepped into the house quickly for appropriate attire to go to the station in and fill out a report- Not to mention he would need to call the Cullen’s and inform them of their son’s less than morally acceptable hobby.

After Charlie, Edward, and the patrol car were off, Demetri and Harry went back inside and were greeted by an angry Bella.  
“What did you do that for?” She demanded.

“Well Bella dear, I don’t know about you but if I found a strange man outside Harry’s window I would have them arrested.” Demetri said with a fake appalled tone. 

“You...”

“Bella don’t you have school in the morning? You shouldn’t miss anymore school.” Harry chided from beside Demetri.  
Bella glared at both as he she opened and closed her mouth several times. Finally giving up, the human girl stomped her foot and stormed off to her room, leaving one chuckling and one giggling vampire behind.

When Charlie got home, the first thing he did was check on the children. He checked on Bella to see his daughter sleeping fitfully. He even checked the tree outside her room to make sure no other perverts were hanging about. Next, he checked the brothers and looked inside to see Demetri lying on his back, one arm behind his head and the other wrapped around a lump under the blankets- whish he guessed was Harry.

Seeing the size of his guest bedroom, he noted that it was smaller than Bella’s room. He wondered if it would be more of a hassle to have them trade rooms so the brothers had more room, or to just cut down the tree to prevent any more lurkers. He would think on it in the morning. Charlie gave a big yawn as he closed the brother’s door and walked to his own room. He was happy that all the members of his family were safe once more.

As the door closed Harry let out a small giggle, “Demi what are we going to do to her tomorrow?” he asked so low only a vampire could hear.  
“Tomorrow we will go to ‘Michigan’ to hunt and come back with a few things that should get under her skin.” Demetri promised. With that Harry let out another giggle, and went back to plotting more ways to bug the human.

o.O.o

As Carlisle and Esme arrived home from the police station, their children surrounded them.

“What happened?” Rosalie asked.

“Edward was arrested after being caught peeping on Bella. Charlie has him booked for the night but tomorrow we should be allowed to go and post bail. You know how slow paperwork is...” Carlisle explained.

“I can’t believe he was caught.” Alice whispered in disbelief.

“Demetri probably caught him off guard.” Jasper responded.

“I’m not surprised.” Emmett stated, turning all the Cullen’s attention on him. Seeing the glare from his wife Emmett quickly defended himself “Well it’s a little creepy how he sits outside her window all night every night, and with two Volturi staying there, you don’t honestly think they would let that go.”

Rosalie stared at him before shrugging her shoulders. “Emmett has a point. It was very creepy on Edward’s part, and he was bound to be punished for it some time.”

“Yeah Rosie is on my side.” Emmett grinned as he wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist and pulled her close.

“Still that doesn’t give the Volturi the right to get Edward arrested.” Alice pointed out.

Emmett just shrugged his shoulders this time. “Then he shouldn’t have done it knowing they were there.”

Alice opened her mouth to argue again, but Carlisle stepped in. “Now now you two. Emmett has a point that no one is to blame except Edward. We will have him home tomorrow and advise him against going to Bella at night in the future. There’s nothing more we can do.”

And that settled the issue.

“Just as a side note... I don’t think Chief Swan is going to let Edward see Bella day or night now.” Emmett threw out. Emmett watched as his statement settled over the family. Carlisle, Esme, and Alice seemed upset. Jasper seemed slightly relieved, and Rosalie...

At his words, Rosalie had perked up considerably. “No human no problem.” She declared and then left the room humming to herself. As she reached the top of the stairs, she paused. “Emmett love, I think for the rest of the night we should spend it privately.” Rosalie said in a seductive tone.

It was Emmett’s turn to perk up, “Right, night all!” He called as he raced up to his wife. It was a good night, Edward’s problem aside.

o.O.o

When Edward was let out of jail with a summons for later, he was spitting mad and ready to fight Demetri and Harry. When he called up Bella, he was informed that the pair had left early that morning to ‘Michigan’. Edward mentally translated that into them going hunting for the next few days. Edward spent the rest of the day brooding. He wouldn’t admit that he was slightly pouting that his fight for pride as taken from him.

He had tried to go visit Bella after school, but he found that Billy Black was over on security detail. Bella had been herded into the living room to complete her homework, and when Edward tried calling he found that the elder was screening all calls. Edward mentally compared the elder so a big, old, bulldog guarding its favourite bone. Sure, he could probably get around the dog and steal the bone but there was the chance that he could also get seriously injured, literally or figuratively. 

Edward and Bella were both miserable that they were forbidden from seeing each other. Yes they had school, but Charlie had seemed to get the teachers in on helping him keep that pervert away from his daughter. The rest of the student body were now wary of Edward for his perverse pleasures and slightly scared of Bella for clear lack of mental facilities, since she kept trying to return to Edward’s side. Charlie was feeling like a proud father though, he was really getting the hang of this father thing.

Edward growled as he found himself in a corner. He couldn’t see Bella at school, couldn’t see her at her own house, Charlie had taken away her truck, and none of her old friends were willing to hang out with her as an excuse to let them meet. It was frustrating and all Edward wanted to do was sink his fangs into Demetri and Harry and tear them apart, but he couldn’t even do that since the two were still gone. Edward wanted to kick himself for ever going to the Volturi.

Edward was stalking out of the English classroom when he noticed a book on the floor. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Looking at the famous tragedy, Edward had an idea. Romeo and Juliet had been forbidden from seeing each other as well, but they had overcome that and got together. Yes it was not the most ideal situation, and it ended with both them dead, but the fact remained that there was a few times they got together and it was great. They got married, they spent that one night together, and it was all because they had help. Edward just needed his own Nurse and Friar.

As Edward went through a mental list of people that would fit his criteria for Nurse and Friar, he flipped to the end and read Romeo’s last words to Juliet. “-Thus with a kiss I die.” Edward wouldn’t let Bella die. He would use all the advantages that being a vampire gave him, and he would be with Bella, and they would be happy and alive! With his resolve hardening, Edward set out to talk with Alice. 

o.O.o

A few days later when Demetri and Harry came back, Charlie had informed everyone that the brothers and Bella would switch around rooms. Charlie had jokingly said that with Demetri there, no one would dare try to spy on Harry. Demetri had laughed and said that he would start booby-trapping the tree, to prevent any perverts from scaling it. Charlie had approved and the two joked some more about possible traps, where they could buy the supplies, and if trapping the back porch was worth it. When they finished, Demetri and Harry went upstairs to pack up what they had there, before they brought in a few boxes from Demetri’s old Honda out front.

Bella was going to argue but Charlie put his foot down. He was adamant about the move and said that if Bella felt that strongly than she could pay for the tree to be cut down. With a heavy sigh, the human girl walked upstairs and started packing. Cursing Italian vampires under her breath the whole time. 

Later Bella was sitting in the living room with Charlie when Harry and Demetri came down. Charlie looked up from the paper and smiled at the pair, while Bella tried to ignore them as she worked on her homework. 

“What are you two up to?” Charlie asked. 

“Well Harry was wondering if it was alright to watch a DVD. It was one of our mother’s favourite shows from when she was younger and Harry has been missing her terribly today.” Demetri said. Bella was frustrated that she couldn’t pick out the false depression in his voice so she could point it out to Charlie. He sounded so convincing.

“Sure buddy, go pop it in. What’s it called?” Charlie asked, putting down his paper.

“Vampire High sir.” Harry answered in his soft voice.

“Our mother thought the show was brilliant. It’s about a group of vampires living under a boarding school. There’s forbidden love between a human and vampire, fighting, enemies, friendship, and learning. Our mother used to make me watch it with her, so please ignore me with a start saying the lines with the actors.” Demetri said as he cleared his throat in an embarrassed gesture. Bella turned towards the older vampire with wide eyes. Was he trying to give away his own secret to her father?

“Not my cup of tea but I’m willing to watch something once.” Charlie gave a deep chuckle, readjusting himself so he was more comfortable.

Harry popped the DVD in and scampered back to Demetri. The older vampire picked Harry up and placed the smaller vampire beside him before picking up the remote. “What episode are we on, love?” Demetri asked the young vamp cuddled to his side.

“12.”

“Ah yes... Bella there’s a character with the same name as you in this episode.” Demetri pressed the button to start the episode. Charlie focussed on the T.V, while Bella sent a small glare towards the Volturi member. “One of the vampires has a pet rat named Bella. Little thing goes missing though, theory being it was eaten by another vampire student, but no worries she’s found in the end.” Demetri sent her a wicked smirk that was missed by Charlie.

Bella was getting ready to say something, but Harry turned to her, held up a single finger to his lips, and shushed her. Demetri had a teasing smile on his face as he turned to the T.V, effectively ending any protest Bella might have had to his words with “Bella you should finish your homework, we wouldn’t want your marks to drop and you miss out on university.”

Charlie looked at his daughter from the corner of his eye, “That’s true honey; you missed too much school to be slacking now.”

Harry looked at the human girl and smiled while he whispered low enough so Charlie wouldn’t hear “Vamps 3, Human 0.”

Bella hated them.


	4. Head and Shoulders, Knees and Prongs

Charlie sat in his usual comfortable office chair at the station and stared at the phone he just put down. Harry had called him at work and asked for permission to go to the Forks High School because Bella had forgotten the lunch he made for her. Charlie didn’t have the heart to tell the little guy that Bella probably forgot the specially made brown lunch sack on purpose, and with a heavy sigh had given his consent. Only after he had made sure Demetri was going with him, and that he bundled up properly against the cold drizzle falling outside.

“Everything okay Chief?” Rob the other officer on office duty asked.

“Yeah, just my nephew of sorts calling about Isabella.” Charlie responded.

“Has that Cullen boy been back snooping around your house?” Rob asked as he put down his plain donut in interest. There wasn’t a lot of interesting things that happen in a small town and the residents seemed to gravitate to anything that was news worthy.

“Not that I know of. I don’t blame the good doctor, he’s a great and caring man. His wife also has a large heart to adopt so many, but sometimes one just slips through your fingers and you don’t notice when they develop bad hobbies. Hopefully the Good doctor and his wife are helping the lad.” Charlie stated.

“Yeah, gotta feel pity for Doctor Cullen. He just gets back in town and is suddenly in the middle of a scandal.”

“Yeah...” Charlie trailed off in contemplation. “Do you think I was a bit hard of Bella? I mean grounding her for so long and taking away her privileges?” Charlie knew that Rob had a teenage daughter himself, just a year or two younger than Bella.

“Parents will always wonder if they have been too hard on their child, but you know you will have gone too far if you leave a bruise.” Rob stated.

“Bruise?”

“I have never hit my daughter, and never plan to. Grounding is fine, extra chores, and even once I made her write me an essay about why her attitude needed work, but I have never hurt her. Abuse doesn’t solve anything it just makes more problems.” Rob explained.

“I agree. I never touched Bella in such a way, and I hope I never will. Still... I wish she was more like Demetri.” Charlie said. “The young man is smart, caring, and helpful. He has never used a tone I didn’t like, he adores Harry, and is very responsible. Just yesterday, I came home and he had gone grocery shopping. I tried paying him back the money but he refused.”

“So it’s not weird at all having two unknown family members show up?” 

“At first. I mean I lived a very nice bachelor life, but Bella came, and I adjusted. She was rarely home, always out with Edward or Alice, or she would stay up in her room, all quiet like. But now, Demetri and Harry have added a new life to the house. I look forward to going home and seeing what they made for dinner, or watching as Demetri chases Harry around the house.”

“Children are gifts.”

“That they are.”

“But that Demetri fellow must have some bad habits...” Rob trailed off, leaving room for Charlie to spill some gossip he could tell his wife later.

“Ha!” Charlie laughed. “He isn’t all perfect. Harry cooks because Demetri burns all the food, I find his socks everywhere, and he refuses to buy Harry pyjama’s stating that his shirt is fine, he blasts classical music all day, and doesn’t understand football. What young male doesn’t get football?” Charlie asked completely baffled.

Rob chuckled. “I hear in some states such boys do exist. Of course, that might just be a myth like the Loch Ness Monster. And the little one?”

“Harry? Harry is... strange. Not like any kid I know. He’s quiet, homeschooled apparently, but sometimes he gets this look. It’s like he’s plotting something, and he gets a bit hyper but Demetri is right there and stops him. Just places a hand on him and it’s like he flipped some switch because Harry goes right back to that quiet polite kid, no mischief in sight.”

Rob took a moment to think this over.

“You don’t think their mother... you know... raised them in a less than kind way do you?” Rob asked quietly, casting suspicious eyes about.

“No, they seemed genuinely upset over her death. I don’t know maybe it was just the neighbourhood they grew up in.” Charlie speculated.

“Well if anything they’re in good hands now.” Rob pointed out, finally returning to his donut.

“I guess, just wish Bella was more reasonable about the Edward situation. Then my house would be perfect.”

Rob laughed. “No house is ever perfect.”

Charlie smiled at the man. “No, I guess not.”

o.O.o

Bella stepped into line behind Edward to buy lunch, when her boyfriend stiffened. Looking around she didn’t see anyone who could have cut themselves, or something that would catch Edwards attention like that.

“What’s wrong Edward?” Bella asked.

“Harry and Demetri.” The brooding vampire whispered back.

As if on cue, the doors to the cafeteria opened to admit Mrs. Cope, leading Harry and Demetri inside. The noise of the room quieted down at the sight of a child and a rather good-looking man who could give the Cullen’s a run for their money.

“Now here’s the cafeteria dear, I’m sure Isabella is here somewhere.” Mrs Cope’s voice travelled across the room. As one, the eyes of the other students shifted from the strangers to Bella. Bella felt her face heat up a little.

“Thank you Mrs. Cope you were truly a great help. Bella...” The older vampire turned his eyes onto Bella, and Bella noted that Demetri’s voice seemed to have developed a purr. He was acting considerably warmer to her than he usually did. “You forgot your lunch, and Harry here was worried you would starve.” Demetri explained. 

Harry nervously shuffled out from behind Demetri, and started walking towards her, his eyes on the floor the entire time. When he reached Bella, he used both hands to hold up the brown paper sack she had seen on the counter that morning.

“I made you a ham and cheese sandwich, applesauce, some orange slices, granola bar, and two juice boxes.” Harry announced in his soft voice. Absently Bella heard a few girls coo over how cute Harry was.

“I... uh...” Bella wasn’t sure what to do, her mind blanked. She hadn’t wanted to eat the lunch, but now here Harry was expecting her to take it in front of her schoolmates.

“Do you not want it?” Harry asked his arms starting to shake as if the weight of the bag was getting to him.

“Take it Swan!” Someone hissed from behind her.

“Stay out of this!” Edward snapped back.

“So controlling, don’t know why she’s with him.” Bella picked out Jessica’s voice from the crowd.

“Well if she doesn’t want it than I would be glad to take it Little man!” Emmett’s voice boomed. Looking over, Bella saw Edwards biggest brother walking over with a silly grin on his face. “I bet it’s delicious and I can tease Bella with how much she’s missing out on your hard work.” Emmett winked at Harry.

Harry nodded, before shuffling over to Emmett and handing him the brown sack. In the background more females started cooing over how nice Emmett was. Emmett opened the bag, and without missing a beat took a bite from the sandwich. He gave an exaggerated moan, and swallowed. “The most delicious sandwich I have ever eaten. And look at how big I am I eat a lot of sandwiches.”

Bella could only watch as Harry gave Emmett a smile, and small thank you. 

“Well now that’s all cleared up, Harry love, it’s time to go home. Thank you for all your assistance Mrs. Cope.” Demetri drew all attention towards him. Harry scampered over to him, and Demetri reflexively placed a hand on the back of Harry’s neck.

“Oh it was my pleasure.” The woman giggled girlishly. Just as swift as they came, they left.

When the door closed the noise level picked up once again, this time instead of random topics of discussion, conversations were centered on Bella, Edward, and Emmett.

“Emmett is so kind, did you see what he did for the little kid.” “Bella just ignored the cutie.” “Edward is so rude, did you hear him snap.” “Arms shaking and everything, and she stared,” “Wonder how they know Bella. Why do all the good looking guys flock to her?” “I bet Emmett would make a great father one day...I would bear his children.” “Me too!”  
The comments flying around the room were starting to get to Bella, no matter how hard she tried to ignore them. She couldn’t imagine what Edward was going through since he could read minds. She considered just abandoning lunch and hiding out somewhere.

“Look Rose! Harry made me lunch.” Emmett happily cheered as he lumbered his way back to the usual Cullen table. 

Rosalie just gave Emmett a suffering look before she smacked him on the back of the head. “Idiot.” She said fondly.

“What?” Emmett asked confused. After that lunch returned to normal, except the pitying glances Bella once got were replaced with small glares.

“They are ruining my life.” Bella whispered, holding her head in her hands.

“We’ll think of something.” Edward tried to reassure her, but he wasn’t feeling that confident either.

o.O.o

Demetri and Harry relaxed in the Swan residence, plotting their next move.

“It’s supposed to be sunny tomorrow.” Harry spoke up.

“We could tell Charlie that we are going to Seattle to work out your homeschooling, leave early in the morning.” Demetri suggested.

 

“We need to look into these shape shifters the Cullen’s have a treaty with.” Harry stated taking out a notebook.

“What did Aro learn?”

Harry flipped a few pages before stopping. “They created a treaty that separates the werewolf and vampire lands. The Cullen’s are not allowed to bite or turn any humans, and neither is allowed to tell anyone about the others.”

“Felix would love to be here, he was fascinated with the shifters when Aro first spoke of them.” Demetri sighed.

“Marcus didn’t want us to appear threatening to the Cullen’s.” Harry frowned.

“I know. Maybe we should send him pictures.” The older vampire grinned as a sudden idea come to him. “Oh I have the perfect plan to greet the shifters tomorrow.” 

Harry scooted over to Demetri and listened attentively as Demetri went over his idea. Those poor poor shifters...

So I decided to google why people don’t like twilight and Oh My! Never again. Forums of nothing but fighting, insults, a few good points, but other than that it was like wading through a sea of hostility. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Bad Joke of the day. 

“What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite”


	5. To Prong Again!

The wolves knew something was up. The Cullen’s and even Bella had been very tight lipped lately, and Jacob had even voiced his amazement that Bella hadn’t come knocking since she ran off to Italy. Over all, the entire thing was unsettling the to the tribe, and while some voiced calling out to get answers, Sam put his foot down and said they would just let it play out. Still it was a relief when they smelled the scent of vampires invading their lands, and most of the shape-shifters jumped at the chance to go investigate. In the end, Sam had chosen himself to go along with Jacob, Paul, and Seth.

The four men shifted and instantly had their noses to the ground following the sour scent to the culprits. While they hated that fact that the vampires had invaded their land it also allowed them a sigh of relief that something was happening and they didn’t have to wait for balls of fire to rain from the sky. As the scent got stronger and their noses started to burn badly, they entered a clearing and saw the strangest sight. Two vampires were sitting on a blanket enjoying what looked like an English afternoon tea spread.

As they broke the tree line the duo turned to face them, and the boy vampire delicately placed his tea cup down on the saucer and used the napkin in his lap to gently wipe the sides of his mouth. “Hello gentlemen, it’s nice to meet you.” The older vampire spoke in a formal tone. The werewolves slowly stepped back into the cover of the trees and transformed into humans again. Still in a bit of a daze the four men, shucked on their shorts and stepped back into the clearing.

“This is the Quileutes land and vampires are not allowed to be here.” Sam growled at the bloodsuckers. A look of surprise passed both their faces at they regarded each other.

“Oh we’re terribly sorry about this. We did not know. We are here investigating a case about a vampire telling a human his secret. We thought this area would be a lovely place to enjoy tea while we worked through the case. We feel awful about invading your space.” The smallest vampire spoke up. His voice was soft and had a strong British accent. They could see why they had a tea set but it still didn’t make sense since vampires only consumed blood.

“As an apology would you like to join us? We have all these scones and biscuits but we couldn’t possibly eat them all.” The older one spoke.

Jacob felt himself squirm. They were here to investigate Bella and Edward but the truth was that Jacob had told Bella. He didn’t want anything to happen the Bella because of his loose lips but at the same time he didn’t want to admit his mistake to two vampires. It felt wrong if he had to fight and kill a kid, vampire or not.

“We don’t want cakes we want you off our land. If you don’t leave soon than we will be forced to kill you.” Sam snapped as he pushed his chest out to make himself appear larger than he already was.

“You’re the shape shifters correct?” The man asked.

“We are...” Sam responded.

“Then would you mind if we questioned you? We just want to get all the facts before we return to the Volturi with our report.” Sam looked ready to shift and brawl with the duo, but Jacob knew he needed to save this situation somehow.

“What do you want to ask about?” Jacob spoke up gathering the attention of the other three wolves.

“Oh simple things like why you have not attacked the neighbouring coven, if you know a Miss Isabella Swan, and what kind of relationship you may have with her.”

The young boy sat up and looked horrified. “Demetri we have been awful! We have not introduced ourselves yet.” He hastened to explain. The man suddenly looked sad.

“Forgive us for our bad manners, I can’t believe we had forgotten such a cardinal rule. I am Demetri from the Volturi Guard, and my young companion here is Harry. We re-invite you to sit and enjoy the food with us as an apology.” He apologized formally.

The entire situation was surreal for the werewolves. Paul seemed to decide for everyone as he walked over to the nicely embroidered quilt the duo were sitting on and pick up a tiny sandwich. The bulky wolf sniffed the bread and green filling before he bite into it. He chewed for a few moments before swallowing and shoving the rest of the snack into his mouth. “It’s not bad.” He spoke with a full mouth. A few crumbs fell to the blanket and Jacob could see the boy trying hard to hide his dismay at the poor behaviour. 

“Paul!” Sam scolded. Paul didn’t seem to mind as he shrugged his shoulders and sat down at the edge of the blanket and picked up another sandwich. “Sam, these are the most courteous vampires we have ever met and that includes the doctor. Besides they have food and I’m hungry.”

Seth let out a faint whine as he eyed the silver three-tiered tray with little cakes on it. Jacob watched as the youngest wolf quickly glanced between the cakes and Sam a few times before he caved and scampered over to the blanket to join Paul. Jacob just sighed and sat down as well. It was a losing battle since their stomachs always won in the end.

When Sam finally huffed and grumbled and sat with them, the boy, Harry, took out four more cups and saucers from the wicker basket at his side and served them tea. The four native boys who could barely sit on the blanket with the vampires fumbled with the tiny cups and spoons. Jacob had tried to recall any and all lessons his father had given him when he was but a young pup, but nothing was coming. Here in America they just poured their drinks into mugs, chugged it down and went on their way. He didn’t see the point in handling fine little cups that he could crush in one hand, and little sandwiches that would never fill him.

“So um... what do you want to ask about?” Jacob promoted after he dropped the insulting doll spoon a third time. He was done trying to get sugar into his tea and just drank the infuriating thing bitter.

“Do you know Isabella Swan?” Demetri asked. It was clear who was the alpha in this partnership.

Jacob grinned. This was something he could talk about and not get into trouble. “Yeah! Bella and I are childhood friends. I actually had a crush on her but that mind reading... stalker got her first.” Jacob thought it would be wise to avoid any vampire insults.

“So did Isabella already know about vampires and werewolves prior to coming to live in Forks with her father last year?” Demetri asked. Jacob wasn’t sure what his accent was but it was different from Harry’s British one. It still made him feel like a street rat since it was refined just like his manner of speaking.

“No...” Jacob answered trying to not fidget or crumble under Sam’s disapproving glare.

“Do you know how she found out?” Harry spoke up as he refilled the teacups. Seth and Paul instinctively reached for the cups and emptied them in one go.

“She read a book...” That was the only answer Jacob could think of that would not incriminate himself.

“But Edward Cullen must have shown some signs to lead her to read that book and make the connection.” Demetri reasoned.

“Pfft. All those Cullen’s are terrible at keeping it a secret. You would need more than two hands to count the number of times they used their vampire abilities in front of humans.” Sam bit out. It seemed like he had enough. “It doesn’t matter how Bella knows, the fact remains that according to the treaty if the Cullen’s turn her than the treaty is broken and we are free to kill them and you if you’re still around. Enough of this pretend bullshit get off our reserve now.” He snapped at the vampires.

“Demetri it seems we have over stayed our welcome. Let’s pack up and go home.” Harry said quietly, his head bowed in submission to Sam. The action seemed to quell some of Sam’s anger but not enough. The Alpha stalked over to the bushes and shifted. His growling was like a lumbering truck warning the vampires to go.

Jacob stood, while Paul and Seth tried to stuff as many treats into their mouths before Harry’s quick hands packed them away. “Why do you even have all this if you can’t eat it?” Jacob asked.

Demetri smiled at him. “Just because we drink blood doesn’t mean we don’t like to indulge in our old human habits. Tea time was always relaxing.”

Jacob nodded before he went to join Sam. As the other two followed him they didn’t look back, and as one they left the clearing.

Harry watched the wolves go before he lifted the hem of his trousers and removed the weights that kept him grounded. Once he dropped the weights, he started hovering and grinning at his partner. “When do you think the laxative will kick in?”

Demetri laughed heartily. “Probably about half way to their houses. Should make an interesting run for them.” He winked. 

Not wanting to be around for the fall out, Harry and Demetri grabbed their basket and took off, mentally laughing at the shifters the entire way. They may have faked old British manners, but that didn’t mean they could be trusted. It was interesting to see how they caved in the presence of food.

o.O.o

Charlie had just gotten home from work and started getting ready for an evening with his old buddy Billy Black. They were going to enjoy a few drinks and watch a game or other. He always enjoyed his time with this old friend, and had been looking forward to the evening all day. Only, as he reached his bedroom the phone rang. Walking into his room the picked up the phone on his bedside table and frowned at the name ‘Billy Black’.

“Billy! I was just getting ready to head over.” Charlie answered the phone.

“Hey Charlie. I hate to do this but I don’t think it’s a good night. The boys ate something and now they are all locked into bathrooms moaning something horrible.” Billy explained. Charlie frowned some more.

“Do you think it’s food poisoning from the dinner or something?” The Health Inspector hadn’t been around lately, and this could cause a terrible headache if the station was phoned with complaints.

“No. You know boys.  I bet they tried cooking something to give Emily a break and then because of pride they ate whatever disgusting concoction they made and it gave them the runs.”

Charlie let out a chuckle. “Ah yes, I could see that.”

“Anyways. They house smells terrible and Jake’s whining could make your ears bleed. Can we reschedule til tomorrow?” Billy asked.

“Sure buddy. Just make sure Jacob is okay. I might send Bella over later with soup for you to eat and air freshener. Then she can finally leave the house.” Charlie joked.

Billy deep laugh echoed through the phone. “Giving her some leash only for it to lead to punishment. You are a cruel man Charlie Swan.” Billy retorted.

“What can I say? I think I’m finally getting the hang of this parenting thing.”

Suddenly a long and sad howl cut through the conversation. Billy coughed. “Right, should go and torment my own kid while he’s stuck on the toilet unable to move. Call ya tomorrow!”

“Til then.” Charlie hung up and sighed. Now what was he supposed to do?

Just as he asked himself that, it seemed like God was taking care of him. Charlie walked to his door o close it only to see Harry walking out of his and Demetri’s bedroom carrying Monopoly with a bowl of chips on top.

“Charlie would you like to join Demetri and I in a game?”

Charlie didn’t fight the smile that stole across his face. “Sure kid. Just let me change and grab a few beers.”

Harry grinned and eagerly nodded before he started running towards the stairs. As he was passing Charlie he tripped over the hallway carpet and Charlie shot out a hand to stop the boy from falling. As his hand held Harry up he noticed that the boy’s skin felt cold.

“Harry you seem cold. Why don’t I hold this stuff and you go put on a sweater?” Charlie suggested, worried about the boy.

“Thank you, sir.” Harry handed over the game and food before he dashed back into his room. Charlie grinned. He may have been joking to Billy about finally learning how to be a parent but in that moment, he felt like such a father telling his son to dress warmer. Harry and Demetri were good to have around, they certainly brightened up lonely evenings.

When Harry reappeared, he was wearing one of Demetri’s old college sweaters and the hem was barely missing the ground.

“Here kid, now careful going down the stairs and I will be there soon.” Harry took the load and slowly walked to the stairs. Charlie turned and went into his room, Billy and Jacob completely forgotten.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, Bad Joke of the Day!

What do you call a duck with fangs?

\- Quackula!


	6. Stick It Where The Prong Don’t Shine

The neighbourhood around Charlie Swan’s house was a quiet peaceful area. They didn’t have drag races, bickering couples, rowdy teenagers, or residents that liked to make large gaudy holiday displays. It was a nice area. It was comfortable. And all the residents would have preferred that it stayed that way. But it wasn’t to be. One Saturday afternoon a dirty truck pulled up in to the Chief’s driveway carrying two passengers. That was just the start. 

Billy Black finally got to see his old friend as he was loaded into his wheelchair by his son. They had missed their last get together but this time Jacob didn’t eat anything funny and was perfectly able to drive his old man over to the Swan residence and join the men in an afternoon of football and manly gossip. Not the girly gossip about celebrity affairs, the neighbours, and the mostly nude photos of male models in magazines. No, they talked about Sports, Athletes, the news, and what crazy shenanigans their children get up to.  Though Billy sometimes never knew who got the better deal for a child. He had a werewolf for a son, but Charlie had a dim daughter that insisted on dating a vampire.

“Billy!” Charlie cheered as he opened the front door and welcomed both Blacks in. “It was only last week but it feels like it’s been ages.” Charlie tacked on.

Billy laughed. “Well you have this idiot to blame. Ate something funny and was crying for me all night.”

Charlie tried to frown but all he accomplished was the corners of his moustache slightly turn down while his eyes crinkled in amusement. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to.” Said Charlie.

“Probably not, but I always told him not to eat things off the ground.” Billy and Charlie laughed together and entered the living room.

Charlie already had three pizza’s waiting and a few cold beers. A big bowl of chips was sitting beside a carton of juice, and Charlie had set out three cups. “The beer is for us, but the juice is for the boys. I’ll just call them down now.” Charlie said.

The Chief walked to the bottom of the stairs and yelled up. A responding yell came, and Charlie smiled as he ambled his way back into the room. “Their good boys, but they never learned the fine sport of football. When I finished mentioned watching a game they started talking about soccer. Nothing against their mother but a boy should really be raised knowing the difference between sports.” Charlie preached.

Billy laughed again and cracked his beer. He felt at home sitting with his friend like this. Jacob on the other hand was looking around and sniffing the air.

“Charlie, why does your house smell different?” Jacob asked. There was smoothing on the edge of his mind trying to tell him what the scent was, but he couldn’t quite grasp it.

“Smell? Oh well Harry was complaining that it smelled a bit round here, so Demetri went out and bought a few air fresheners. Those plug in ones, ya know? Well anyways, the boy comes back with a large bag filled to the top and the two went crazy plugging them in everywhere. I got two in my room. One is wild lavender, and another is fresh rain or something.” Charlie explained.

“Boys buying air fresheners?” Billy chuckled. “If I didn’t know better I would think you were housing some shirt lifters up there.” Billy joked.

A growl broke from Jacob’s throat before an accented voice spoke up. “I’m sorry sir, but I take offense to what you’re implying about myself and my little brother.” Billy and Charlie turned to see an annoyed looking Demetri standing it the doorway, while a bemused Harry hid behind his legs.

“You!” Jacob roared before he was jumping from his seat and flying towards the older boy. 

“Woah!” Charlie yelled as he caught Jacob around his waist and pulled. The teenager was too big and too heavy for Charlie and they were both carried across the room. Demetri calmly sidestepped the attack and looked down his nose at the Black boy when he landed on the ground.

“Don’t trust those leeches!” Jacob yelled as he scrambled to his knees and tried to lunge at Demetri again. The older Volturi member had skilfully moved himself and Harry around the room and beside the TV and open window. Jacob missed but that didn’t stop the teenager from trying to lunge at Demetri again.

Three things happened at once. Charlie, getting fed up with not knowing the situation had bellowed “What the devil is going on here?!”, as Jacob tried to lunge forward again, but missed and nearly avoided crushing the table. That happened at the same time as Bella, Edward, and Alice burst through the front door looking worried and frantic.

There was silence as no one moved. Finally, Charlie gave his daughter a confused look and went with the most pressing issue in his mind, “Bells what are you doing outside?” he asked.

Bella had the decency to stutter and as her face flushed and she looked in every direction except at her father. She seemed completely at loss as what to say.

“You’re grounded and are supposed to be in your room working on your school assignments.” Charlie announced. His eyes moved from Bella and landed on the Cullen children. “And I thought I said I didn’t want you here.” He growled. His growl wasn’t as intimidating as Jacob’s, but for a human it wasn’t half bad.

“I-I...” Bella tried again.

“S-she snuck out her window with a rope ladder.” A small voice piped up. All eyes travelled to Harry as he peeked out from behind Demetri. “You can see it swinging from her window right now.” He added. When he was finished delivering his news, and he ducked back behind his brother once more.

“W-what? That’s not true. I did not sneak to out on a rope ladder.” Bella protested. She didn’t even own a rope ladder!

Charlie glared. “I will I will go check your room now.” Charlie announced. The Chief stood up straight and marched up the stairs. The group could hear his footsteps down the hallway and then in Bella’s doorway. Next, they paused inside the room before they turned around and comeback down. In his hands he carried a shoddy looking rope made from Bella’s floral sheet set. “Care to explain this Isabella?” Charlie asked in a low voice.

“I did not make that.” The girl argued. “I bet Harry and Demetri made it and planted it there just to get me in trouble. And Harry said rope ladder, that’s not a rope ladder!”

Harry shuffled out again and sniffed. “That’s a rope ladder right Demetri? The princes in fairy tales use them to save princesses.”

The older brother smiled fondly at the little boy as he spoke, “that is a form of a rope ladder yes. Although I don’t think a prince was saving a princess today.”

“Oh don’t try the cute act, you totally did this.” Bella protested.

“Be realistic Bella. You tried sneaking out again didn’t you? Is grounding you no longer enough?” Charlie asked. He didn’t seem to want to wait for an answer as he turned towards Jacob who was still kneeling. He could deal with his daughter later, but now that he remembered that Harry and Demetri were that, there was a whole new issue to address, “And you Jacob Black, what are you doing attacking my nephews?”

Jacob sat up straighter and grumbled. “They were the ones they fed me the food that made me...” the teenager blushed at this and squirmed at unpleasant memories. “Sick.”

Charlie sent an enquiring look towards Demetri. The older Vampire frowned in concern before he had a small epiphany. “Ah! It must have been the Devonshire cream. It doesn’t agree with everyone and since it’s an unfamiliar treat your bodies not have reacted well. Harry and I are terribly sorry.” Demetri said with sincerity dripping from his voice.

Harry peeked out again and the little vamp had tear tracks on his face, and two new teardrops slowly falling. “W-we’re sorry.” Harry’s wobbly voice carried across the room.

Charlie’s eyes softened at the sight as Demetri instantly crouched down to wipe the tears away. The older brother started cooing at the little boy and soon they seemed to be in lost in their own little world or soft hugs and cuddles. It always warmed Charlie’s heart then he saw Demetri dote on Harry so much. It was a nice reminder that there were still siblings out there that were close, and still loved each other immensely through tough times. Charlie thought it was absolutely adorable, and the tender look on Billy’s face he agreed.

“Well now that’s all settled...” Charlie shot Jacob a pointed look and the teenager grumbled but eventually turned his hostile glare off of the brother duo. “We are all going to sit down, turn on the game, eat pizza, and cheer for the damn Redskins!” Charlie declared.

Billy sent up a cheer ‘Redskins all the way!’ and grabbed his beer again. After a few drinks, he sighed and turned towards the older brother. “Demetri, I didn’t mean my comment earlier. Just all boys talk. We don’t think things through properly and often end up with a muddy work boot stuck in our mouth.”

Demetri looked at the older man and smiled. “It’s fine sir. I wasn’t offended but I was slightly angered that you would talk about Harry like that.”

“I apologize and hope we can put it past us.” Billy responded.

“Yes Mr. Black.” Demetri said.

“None of that Mister stuff. Call me Billy.” Billy said as he shuffled to get more comfortable in his chair. “Mister makes me feel older than I like to think I am.”

The older vampire chuckled. “Off course... Billy.”

Charlie nodded happy with the outcome and started walking towards the couch again. He took two steps before he stopped and turned around to address the trio they door. “This is a boy’s night, so I suggest you to get going.” Charlie directed two pointed looks at the Cullen children.

Bella stood a little straighter. “Well why doesn’t Edward join you? I’m sure you can finally get to know him Charlie.” The girl suggested.

Charlie stared his daughter straight in the eye. “I said it was a boy’s night Bella. Besides, I know all I need to know about Edward and I don’t think I like any of it. Now good night Alice, Edward, but I would like you to leave my home and never come round here again. You are both bad influences on my daughter.” The Chief was firm in his words, and everyone could hear the finality in them.

“Charlie!” Bella protested.

“Nope. To your room Bella. Take your rope and remake your bed. The next commercial break I am coming up there and you better be studying.” Charlie waited until Bella gave up and angrily stomped up the stairs. The two Cullen children snuck out and soon all the boys had settled around the living room.

Once the TV was on Jacob became completely absorbed in the game and pizza that the faint wisp of vampire smell didn’t affect him. Billy was cheering along, and Harry kept crying out ‘Foul! Hand ball!’ Demetri kept yelling at the TV ‘Don’t dive to the middle! That never works!’. Charlie was avidly trying to explain eh rules of American football to the boys, but it wasn’t going well when Harry kept asking for a red card between his cries of fouls.

Overall Charlie thought it was a good evening despite how it started.

**\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of the Night:**

What’s red, packed with strawberries, and likes to bite people’s necks?

A Jampire!


	7. The Brotherhood of Prongs

The Swan residence was enjoying a nice quiet breakfast together. Bella was eating her cereal while she glared at the Volturi members, Charlie was drinking his coffee as he read the newspaper, and Demetri and Harry, they were busy trying to write a letter. Charlie only needed to know that they were writing to Demetri’s childhood pen pal, Felix, in Rome. If it were Bella, he would have asked more questions and been concerned about the letter’s contents, but he trusted the boys. They were good boys.

“How is Harry’s schooling going?” Charlie asked. It had been on his mind lately and while he knew that Demetri was home-schooling Harry currently, Charlie thought it was important for children to interact with their peers and hoped that the older brother would reconsider putting Harry into a classroom.

“It’s going well. I need to pick up some more books for his lessons soon, but overall he’s a grade or two higher than the other children his age.” Demetri studied Charlie for a moment. “If you are serious about enrolling him, then Harry can do an aptitude test and be placed in the proper grade.” Demetri suggested. Charlie nodded, and tried to ignore the concerned look on the older boy’s face. It was for the best that Harry make friends his own age.

“I’ll let you set that all up, unless you need help.” Charlie offered.

Demetri smiled at him. “I should be fine. But maybe there’s a gifted school nearby that Harry can enrol in. He’s a smart boy and I don’t want him bullied for being a nerd.” Harry was ignoring them, happily writing away to Felix.

“Probably for the best. They’re expensive though. I know the one in Seattle costs a pretty penny.” Charlie advised. Demetri nodded and developed a contemplating look.

Bella seemed to have had enough and slammed her spoon down on the counter. “This is ridiculous.” She moaned. “I am stuck inside all day when I’m not at school. You took away my phone, and I only get an hour a day on the internet. I can’t even watch television because Harry insists on watching Barbie movies all day. He’s a boy!”

Charlie frowned at his daughter. “Bella, you shouldn’t judge. I watched a few with Harry, they really promote proper morals, and the songs are catchy. They even have a Three Musketeers one.”

Bella groaned. “I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry for running out and going to Italy. I’m sorry for constantly trying to sneak out, and for being rude to Harry and Demetri. I’m sorry for letting my grades slack, and I’m sorry that you don’t like or approve of Edward. Charlie, I’m sorry and I just can’t take this anymore.” Bella ranted. It seemed she finally reached the end of her rope and was desperate.

“If I promise _promise_ to try better in school, and to be better behaved, can I just go outside for an hour or two?” Bella begged.

For the first time in weeks, Charlie actually smiled at his daughter. “Bells, all I wanted was for you to apologize and make responsible choices.  I know I have been more of a warden than a father lately, but you were refusing to see what you did wrong.”

That statement seemed to stun the girl. “All I had to do was apologize?” she asked slowly.

“I know it seems simple, but running off like that, and the general lack of respect you had towards my rules was very hurtful. I know you may be suffering from the disease of young love now, but that doesn’t mean you should forget your family. Family is important!” Charlie told his daughter. “Just look at Harry and Demetri, I have never seen two brothers more close. They understand the importance of family, and I hoped you would see that and learn from it.”

“Learn family values from them?” Bella gaped. Demetri winked at her while Harry smirked. Charlie missed the exchange since he was focussed on his daughter.

“Now you’re still grounded, but I think you deserve a reward for apologizing. Harry needs some new pyjama’s,” Charlie sent a look towards Demetri “so why don’t you and Harry drive to Port Angeles together and do some shopping.”

Bella watched as Demetri lowered his mouth closer to Harry’s ear and whispered something silently. The little vamp nodded along before sighing and getting to his feet. “Demi made me promise to be on my best behaviour.” Harry spoke up in his usual soft tone.

Charlie grinned. “See, it will be a good chance for you two to bond.”

Bella was torn. Should she go and finally see the outside world? Or stay in and suffer in the suffocating atmosphere of her house? In the end, a need to get out had won over, and Bella agreed to take Harry shopping. She didn’t think he needed it but she would humour her father for a chance to leave the house.

“Good, I’ll just grab some money from my wallet for Harry’s needs and the trucks gas.” Charlie announced.

“Nonsense Charlie. I still have some money to pay for Harry’s clothes.” Demetri argued.

Charlie held up a hand to halt the argument. “I promised to take care of you two and I am. I will pay for Harry’s new clothes, it’s the least I can do.”

Demetri looked like he wanted to argue but he held himself back. “Fine, but I will pay for dinner tonight.” Demetri threw out quickly before he scooped Harry up and carried him out of the kitchen. Charlie chuckled at the young man’s words and shook his head.

“You really could learn a lot from them if you just gave them a chance Bells.” Charlie told his daughter. That ended the conversation and the Chief went off to find his wallet and Bella’s truck keys.

Bella frowned. She highly doubted that.

o.O.o

Alice Cullen was lying on her bed doing nothing when she was hit with a vision.  It was what she was waiting for! When Edward had come to her and asked her to be on constant watch of Bella’s activities she had been hesitant at first. It seemed like another one of Edwards more obsessive character traits, but when her brother started pleading with her, she caved and agreed. Now was his chance to finally act on his plan.

Alice grinned as she heard Edward’s quiet cheer from his room. He had seen the vision in her head, and now he was preparing himself to go to Port Angeles and meet Bella.

o.O.o

The drive to Port Angeles wasn’t as bad as Bella thought it would be. Harry was quiet and merely sat in his seat without saying a thing.  When they got to the shopping mall, Harry had climbed out of the truck and waited for her at the side. It was scaring Bella a little about how docile the little vampire was being, but she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Together they walked into the mall and Bella walked towards the mall’s directory. Looking at how small Harry was she looked for the children’s stores. “Do you have a preference for any type of clothing?” She asked.

Harry merely shrugged his shoulders and kept his mouth shut. Seeing she wasn’t going to get much out of him, Bella led them to the closest store. If they could get Harry’s clothes out of the way then she would have some time to stop by the bookstore. Amanda Ashley had published a book that had caught Bella’s eye. It was a story about love between a Vampire and a woman named Analisa. When Bella had read the description, she felt like Amanda Ashley could have been writing about her and Edward in ‘Midnight Embrace’.

As Bella got lost in her thoughts, her feet carried her forward on their own, until she walked into a cold hard chest. It felt like two steel bands wrapped around her, as she looked up into Edward’s warm amber eyes. “Edward...” She whispered softly, barely able to comprehend how he was there with her. It was like a scene from one of Amanda Ashley’s books, and Bella had a fleeting thought that romance novels do come true.

“Bella.” Edwards voice was so loving that to her the world faded away and it was just the two of them embracing in a place of peace and love.

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Seeing you.” Was his simple response. He had yet to let her go or look away.

“How?” the time for full complete sentences was gone.

“Alice.”

“Missed you.” She whined.

“Me too.”

Together they just stood around embracing, soaking the other in. Bella was happy. She was out of the house and with Edward, the love of her life. Nothing could ruin this moment for her...except...

 A childish scream pierced through the air from right beside them. Looking down, Harry had somehow developed tears again and his face was screwed up in pain. A couple nearby rushed over, and the woman bent down to Harry’s height and tried to soothe him.

“What’s wrong dear?” she asked. Harry shook his head and tried turning away, but the woman wrapped him in her arms. “It’s alright dear, just tell me what’s wrong.”

Harry hiccupped a few more times before she stuttered out an answer. “I-I miss D-demi!”

The woman cooed a few more times. “And who is Demi, dear?”

Edward stepped forward and coughed. “He’s just trying to get attention. Does things like this all the time.” Edward tried explaining. The woman glared at him.

“Are you Demi?” The man asked. He was frowning and carefully studying Edward.

“H-he’s not my Demi.” Harry spoke up. Instantly the man and woman’s attention were back on Harry.

“Where is Demi? Do you have a way to contact him?” The woman asked in a soothing voice.

“I have his number...” Harry trailed off. The man knelt down this time and held up his cell.

“Here buddy, tell me his number and I’ll call him for you.” The little vampire nodded and very slowly said each number of Demetri’s number. The man nodded, dialled, and held the phone up to his ear.

Bella couldn’t believe this. It was all going so well, but now an overprotective Volturi member was going to show up and ruin the day. She could see the old vampire twist this tale to Charlie so she would get even more punishment.

“That’s really not necessary. I’m his cousin and I can take care of him from here.” Bella reached out to take Harry from the woman, but the blood-curdling scream that resulted had her instantly dropping her hands. The scream seemed to have shocked everyone as they stared at Harry. The little vampire was clutching the woman closely and had his eyes screwed shut, clearly he didn’t want to go with Bella.

“Hello?” Demetri familiar accented voice sounded from the phone and the man sheepishly raised it to his ear again.

“Hi. Sorry ‘bout that. Are you Demi?” The man asked. The man nodded slightly. “ Ah! Demetri, unusual name. I’m Richard. My wife and I were walking by when this adorable little kid screamed. While trying to calm him he asked for you.”

Bella sighed. This would not end well.

“Right. Well were at the mall now. Uh huh.” The man looked at Bella and then smirked a little. “Well that is one way to describe her. Well we can watch him until you arrive, it wouldn’t be a bother. Oh no don’t worry. Understandable. Okay. Bye Demetri.” The man ended the call and knelt back down.

“Demetri said your name is Harry. Well Harry, Demi is on his way and will be here soon, until then do you want to go get something to eat?”

“H-he’s really coming?” Harry asked.

“Sure is buddy.”

Harry brightened up a little and gave a small smile to the couple. “Can we get hot chocolate?”

The woman beamed at the kiddy vamp. “Of course dear.” Even though it was approaching summer and no one drank hot chocolate this time of year, the couple didn’t seem to mind the odd request.

“We’ll take it from here.” The man told Bella and Edward. He didn’t seem too impressed with them. Bella wasn’t sure what to say. All she could do was watch as Harry walked away with the nice couple and out of sight behind two oddly dressed males. Was he planning to eat them? Or was this just a scheme to get out of buying pyjama’s? Bella wasn’t sure, but it gave her a chance to be alone with Edward.

“Edward, what just happened?”

Edward couldn’t answer because he seemed just as dumbfounded as she was.

I decided to be a little nice Bella and Edward in this one. Also Amanda Ashley is a real romance author, and does have a book called ‘Midnight Embrace’. Thank you Amazon!

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of the Day**

How would a vampire manage with only one fang?

\- He'd just have to grin and bare it


	8. Crouching Vampire, Hidden Prong

Bella was cautious. She had spent the remainder of the day with Edward, and together they enjoyed themselves wandering around the town, and just talking. She knew she would probably get in trouble when she arrived home, but to her it was worth it to have spent time alone with Edward.

When she reached her front door, she steeled herself and walked inside. The house was quiet, but she refused to let that lull her into a false sense of security. She knew they were here, Edward had told her so. The only question was where were they hiding?

A giggle sounded from her right, and Bella whipped to the right to peer into the dining room. She didn’t see anything. Taking a careful step forward, Bella turned quickly to the left and stared into the living room. Still she didn’t see anything. Another step and this time the giggling was above her. Bella searched the ceiling frantically, but she still couldn’t see Harry. She knew it was him... who else sounded so young and could float?

“Stop this!” she demanded.

A giggle sounded from behind her and Bella had enough. She dashed upstairs and to her room. Only, just before she reached her door she was blocked by a tall looming figure. “Isabella... Isabella... Isabella...” Demetri tsked. “Can’t even keep an eye on a child.” His voice was cold and chiding.

“I’m not to blame!” The brunette yelled.  “I was talking with Edward and suddenly he started screaming for no reason. Then he left with two strangers, what was I supposed to do?”

Demetri smirked. “You know if you can’t even keep watch of a well-behaved child like Harry, I would hate to see how your future children will turn out.”

Bella glared, well tried to glare anyways. “I won’t have that problem. Edward is going to turn me and everyone knows vampires can’t have babies.”

“Vampires? I don’t know what you’re talking about Miss Swan but we should be happy that your father isn’t around to hear such talk from you. He might consider getting you institutionalized for such languid ideals.”

“Huh?” Bella asked.

Demetri sighed. “Maybe languid was the wrong word. Simple? Dim? I’m sure we can find a better word for your uncreative and single-mindedness. Ah... English... it’s not as beautiful or poetic as others.”

“Demi.” A soft voice sounded from behind Bella. The pale girl turned and spotted the child vampire standing behind her, looking bored as he stared up at her. “Charlie is at the corner.” He announced.

“Right, we should move this conversation forward. Isabella, we won’t tell your father that you abandoned a child at the mall for a clandestine meeting with Edward, if you do two little things.” Demetri proposed.

Bella stared at him blankly.

“Well, I’ll just take that as a yes. First, you will sneak the money Charlie gave you today back into his wallet.”

Bella frowned. “Why?”

Harry explained this time. “Because he is a good man, and you shouldn’t waste his hard earned money needlessly.”

“Second,” Demetri brought the attention back to himself. “I need to go to Seattle for a small business trip. Charlie has been worried about Harry’s lack of contact with other people and I think to settle his mind we need to stage an incident where Harry gets to meet more people. While I’m away I would like for you to convince the Cullen’s to baby-sit Harry.”

Bella stared between both Volturi members and didn’t know what to say. Finally, she addressed the first issue. “But I already spent the money Charlie gave me on my date with Edward.”

“Oh?” Harry took a deep breath and just as the sound of the front door opened, he let out a loud keening wail.

Demetri was instantly by his side cooing at him, and pretending to console the child. Charlie’s heavy boots pounded up the stairs and Demetri glared at Bella.

“I can’t believe you. You left him all alone in the crowed mall by himself? If that nice couple hadn’t found him and called me I don’t know what could have happened to Harry. You may not like him, but isn’t it a bit too cruel to just leave him that that?”

“I..I...” Bella stammered.

“What happened?” Charlie frantically asked as he stopped before the group. “What’s this I hear about Harry being lost?”

Demetri gathered Harry into his arms and lifted the boy up. “I got a call from a couple that said they found Harry alone at the mall. When I arrived to pick him up, I calmed him down and he told me that when he and Bella arrived there Edward was waiting. He pushed Harry to the ground in an attempt to get to Bella, and then the two just left him. He was fine until Bella got home and when I asked her why she would do something like that, she said that she wanted to spend the money you gave her on her date with Edward- saying that some money was more important than Harry’s safety set him off again.”

Bella sputtered. “T-that’s not true at all!” she screamed. “Edward met me and we hugged. He never touched Harry. Then when I tried to stop Harry calling Demetri he walked away with those strangers.”

To Charlie, it looked like Harry was silently crying into Demetri shoulders because his shoulders were shaking, but to Bella, she could see the little fiend giving her an evil little grin and silently laughing.

“So you admit you met Edward and left Harry with on his own with strangers. You didn’t even try to find him?” the tips of Charlie’s moustache started trembling with the anger he suppressed. “I know there are two sides to every story, but in this case, neither is good. I am sorely disappointed in you Bella. I had thought you were maturing this morning but apparently that was just false hope on my part. From the sounds of it, we should be fortunate that Harry was found by such a good couple. What if they didn’t get to him first and he was kidnapped?”

Bella pouted. “I bet he would have been fine if he were kidnapped.” She stated without thinking. Demetri let out an appalled gasp as he moved further away from Bella. She quickly realized her mistake and tried to cover it up. “I mean I think Harry could defend himself if someone tried to take him.”

Charlie shook his head. “He is a child he shouldn’t have to defend himself. The point is, you left a large opportunity for someone to take him, and you aren’t even remorseful. I don’t know what to do with you anymore Isabella... I think I need to call your mother.”

Bella stared at her father in fear. “What why?” she whined.

“Bells-“ Charlie started.

“I think I’m to blame.” Demetri cut in. Father and daughter both stared at him in bemusement.

“What do you mean?” Charlie asked.

“Well... it’s just I knew she is an only child and has never had to take care of kid before. I should have known it would be too much responsibility to take him to the mall on her first time. I should have insisted I chaperone, even from a distance.” Demetri explained in a very self-sacrificing tone. “I think we should give her another shot, but this time have someone nearby.”

Charlie stared at the young man and smiled. “You are just too kind-hearted for your own good.” The officer said with a chuckle.  “Maybe you’re right. Bella will still need some punishment for losing Harry today but we can give her another chance to babysit him.”

Demetri smiled at the Chief. “Actually I had an idea for that already. I need to go to Seattle to check out this gifted school, and I was thinking of leaving Harry with one of the Cullens to watch him. We could have Bella tag along and observe how to properly watch a child.”

Charlie frowned. “The Cullens....”

“Not Edward.” Demetri was quick to point out. “I don’t trust him near Harry, but I do remember the one son... oh what was his name...” Demetri took a moment to think. “Emmett? Yes the very big one...”

“Emmett.” Charlie agreed with the description.

“Him. He was very kind to Harry before, and I thought maybe we could ask him. Bella could watch how he treats and plays with Harry, and hopefully that will prevent another situation like today’s from occurring.”

Charlie nodded along. “I never had a problem with him. Every time we’ve met he had always left a favourable impression on me, unlike some boy’s.” Here he sent a meaningful glance towards Bella, just in case she didn’t know he was talking about Edward. “I will call the good Doctor now and ask if his son wouldn’t mind watching our little one here. When will you be going?”

“Tomorrow.” Demetri answered.

“I’ll go call now, and while I’m gone I’ll think of anew punishment for Bella.” Charlie walked back downstairs as he argued with himself as to whether make Bella volunteer at the Morgue, or a work on filing at the police station.

Bella turned on the blood-sucking duo. “Why did you do that? I thought we had a deal!” She whispered harshly.

“You spent the money.” Harry answered casually in his soft voice as he slowly stretched out of the ball he had formed against Demetri’s chest. “If you hadn’t spent the money we would have handled that in a more civil way.”

Demetri grinned. “Maybe this experience will teach you to not be so greedy.”

Bella stomped her foot and then angrily walked into her room and slammed the door. The event caused Harry to frown. “She makes it seem like her life is so hard when she acts like that. So much unnecessary angst.” He commented.

“Yes... you would think being a human teenage girl would be easier than being a centuries old vampire. Honestly, no consideration for us and what we go through everyday just to torment her.” Demetri pouted.

“I would suggest we teach her compassion but if she is turned then it would probably back fire on us.” Harry added.

“Even if she turned out with a Jane like personality, that mind reader boyfriend of hers would never let her go to Volterra.”

Harry giggled. “Could you imagine Bella and Jane having a battle of words?”

Demetri gave his little partner an amused look. “I don’t think it would be very entertaining. Jane would use biting wit while Bella would stare back blankly. Soon Jane would get fed up with her opponents lack of response and storm out.”

Harry frowned. “Then that would mean Bella would win right? Since Jane left first.”

Demetri chuckled. “I don’t think it would count because Bella wouldn’t utter a single word. You can’t win a word battle without saying something.”

Harry smiled again. “Well as long as Bella doesn’t win. I would hate to see Jane’s winning streak broken. Marcus still whines when it’s mentioned.”

Demetri chuckled and carried Harry to their room. “He held the record for 600 years before Jane came along. Even then she only wins because Alec stands behind her and helps her cheat.” Demetri explained.

“Maybe next time you should start off with a joke.” Harry explained.

“A joke?”

“A  joke.”

“Why a joke?”

“Everyone goes straight for insults but maybe telling a joke could throw your opponents balance off.” Harry explained. No one let him enter the Word Battles, but he enjoyed watching them. Unless someone started insulting Demetri, then he got upset. In turn if anyone thought to use Harry against Demetri words were forgotten and Demetri would be disqualified for drawing blood.

“What kind of joke?” Demetri asked.

Harry took a moment before he grinned. “How would a vampire manage with one fang?”

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of the Day**

Q: How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?

A: He starts coffin’


	9. The Babyprongs Club

If it would have made any sort of difference, Rosalie would have been smashing her head against the ground, hoping to knock herself out. It must be karma punishing her for laughing at all the times that Harry and Demetri had seriously pissed off Edward and Bella. Should she be faulted for laughing when her adopted brother got arresting for peeping? No. Should she be punished cruelly for snickering when Edward came home ranting about being called less than a man by Charlie? No. Should she be tormented because she had to leave the house and calm herself when she couldn’t stop laughing at Edwards pinched face yesterday when he returned from the mall. In her opinion -no. Jasper and Emmett had both let out a chuckle to when they heard the story of Harry’s successful escape.

But here she was, stuck inside the house with Bella, as her husband was outside playing with the child vamp, and Jasper was ‘overseeing’. She was stuck beside the human girl whose only spoken words all day had been “Edward’s really not here?” and then proceeded to mope around the living room.  Rosalie just couldn’t understand her, nor did she want to try. Rosalie loved Emmett, she truly did, but if she was in Bella’s position she didn’t think she would be as … devoted… to a vampire. Rosalie would have taken the chance to explore the world, travel, have a baby, but not Bella. The girl was ready to throw her life away at 17 and become a vampire, without a care in the world as to how her family would take her sudden disappearance. Rosalie wanted to wring her neck for that very reason. Maybe it was thoughts like that, that had her stuck on Bella duty.

Last night when Chief Swan had called and asked if they could babysit little Harry, Emmett hadn’t been able to stop grinning. He was so excited about finally getting time with the little guy. Alice had been upset that she couldn’t See how the day would turn out, Edward still had his pinched face, Jasper looked curious, and Esme was somewhat happy at having a child in the house. Carlisle had been hesitant to accept, he still wasn’t on the best of terms with Chief Swan, he wanted to redeem himself in the police officers eyes, but on the other hand, they would be letting a Volturi member in their house.

In the end he agreed, but there were a few conditions that Charlie insisted on. Bella was to come as well and observe how well they handled the kid, to learn better child caring skills, and Edward had to leave. Carlisle had agreed reluctantly and stated that Edward and Alice could spend the day elsewhere shopping. Once he had agreed and hung up, Emmett had rushed off and researched appropriate activities to play with children. He wanted the little vamp to have fun with him, and since he would probably not get another chance to play with a child, he wanted to make the most of this opportunity.

Rosalie had felt so much love and affection for her husband at the moment, and she knew that if they had a child, he would have made a wonderful father. But that went away quickly when Emmett returned with a computer printout and asked endless questions.

“Rose, do you think he will want to play Hide-n-Seek?” Emmett asked.

“We’re vampires! We can smell each other out.” She snapped. Emmett had already covered numerous arts and craft ideas and moved onto games.

“Rose, do you think he will want to play kick the can?” He asked next, reading off the list he printed off.

The blonde vampire scoffed. “You will crush the thing in one kick and probably send it flying to Canada.”

“What about traffic cop? He lives with a police officer, he might like it.” Emmett pushed.

“Don’t you need more than two people to play that?” Rosalie asked. She hadn’t played it personally but she was pretty sure you needed more than two.

“Rose…”

“No.” Rosalie shut down her husband before he even asked. “Why not just ask him when he arrives what he wants to do? Planning is pointless when he’s not a real kid.”

“I just want him to enjoy his time with us.” Emmett pouted. His eyes scanned the paper again, trying to find the perfect game. They already ruled out four-square and hopscotch since they didn’t think they  would work well with his hovering. Marbles, Cat’s Cradle, and Mother May I were off the table too. Maybe hand clapping games? No, Rosalie didn’t think Emmett was coordinated enough for that, especially when he wouldn’t be able to see the kid’s hands over his.

“Rose…” Emmett moaned, hoping his wonderful and brilliant wife would have an idea. At least, that’s what he should be thinking.

Rosalie was going to respond but Edward jumped in, annoyed with situation. “Why don’t you just throw the kid in the air like they do with babies. It wouldn’t be far off considering he sheds tears quicker than I can run.” The bronze haired vampire muttered darkly to himself, still upset that Bella had gotten in trouble over Harry’s act at the mall.

Emmett grinned widely at the suggestion. “That’s perfect! He can hover, so he must like being in the air.”

And the matter was settled.

Chief Swan had arrived early in the morning, personally escorting Harry and Bella. He claimed that Demetri had left earlier, but Rosalie suspected that Charlie had insisted he drop them off.  Charlie had done a quick sweep of the house, taking note that absence of Edward’s car, and then told Carlisle that Harry didn’t like fish, was allergic to peaches, and liked lots and lots of ketchup with his food. Then he pulled Carlisle over to the side for a whispered conversation. So naturally, the entire Cullen clans that were present listened in.

“Now, I know we have been at odds lately, but I hope to put that behind us. You’re a good man, a good doctor, and a good father. I respect you for taking care of so many kids, and you have done a great job raising them. There have never been any complaints about your kids until Edward. I know y’all think the kids should be allowed to see each other, but please can you respect me on this. Bella has been acting out, becoming very irresponsible, and I fear too obsessed with your son. Edward isn’t helping any by acting the same in return, and I want that to stop. I think the kids need space and time away from each other so that they can remember who they once were, before they got too wrapped up in the other.

“It was hard watching Bella after you moved away. She was a zombie, and I feared she would never recover. She had started to heal by hanging around Billy’s boy, but then y’all came back and took her to Italy or wherever, and now she’s worse than before. My daughter has the potential to be a strong, smart, and independent woman, but with Edward always around she can’t reach that. She’s too dependent on him. So please, respect my wish to keep them apart, until we know for sure that it is healthy for them to see each other. I just want what’s best for my daughter, and I’m sure you feel the same towards Edward.” Charlie spoke.

Carlisle has sighed deeply at that. The whole family knew that he wanted Edward and Bella together, certain that the time apart was harmful towards their relationship, but Charlie brought up some good points, and from a concerned human perspective Charlie was in the right.

“I understand. Edward won’t come home until after Bella has left. I don’t like seeing my son in pain from being unable to meet Bella, but I can’t ignore your concern either.  I’ll talk to Edward and try to help him understand.” Charlie clapped Carlisle lightly on the shoulder in thanks.

“I would have told you all this on the phone last night, but I feel like this is a conversation to be had in person.” Charlie whispered.

Carlisle nodded. “Thank you, for coming over and explaining but also giving my family another chance.”

“Right,” Charlie coughed and turned away from the doctor. “You kids be good, and I’ll see you at home. Demetri will be picking you up around 5 tonight.” Charlie started to leave but he stopped by Rosalie. “If you wouldn’t mind doing me a favour as well,” he lowered his voice, “you’re a strong and confident young woman, and Bella is a bit passive and indifferent. Could you… offer her some advice to become a more… well rounded individual?”

Rosalie wanted to scoff and say that there is no way she was going to teach anything to the dull human pet her brother picked up, but she didn’t have the desire to hurt a caring father like Charlie. He reminded her a lot of Carlisle in that sense, so Rosalie nodded, not really agreeing, but not outright denying his request. It seemed her small action satisfied that man because he smiled at her and took his leave.

Once Chief Swan was gone, Emmett had scooped Harry up and ran outside. Jasper followed at a swift pace, and Carlisle left for work. Rosalie was about to make an excise to leave, but Esme stopped her. She claimed to need to go to the grocery store, and pick up some new drafting supplies for their next home, and left Rosalie to watch Bella. 40 minutes. It had been 40 minutes and the extent of Bella’s interaction was “Edward’s really not here?”

A squeal of happiness from outside caught Rosalie’s attention.

“You’re supposed to be here to learn child care right?” Rosalie asked waspishly.

“I guess. I don’t think it matters really.” Bella replied.

“Well the child is outside so we might as well go there.” Rosalie suggested. She stood gracefully and walked outside, not bothering to check if Bella was following.

Outside it seemed the Emmett really had taken Edwards suggestion to heart. Only, it had an Emmett twist to it. Rosalie watched as Harry squealed again as Emmett lifted him in the air.

“Okay little guy, football!” Emmett called. Harry stretched his arms and legs out, to form a plank. Emmett lifted the little vampire up in a quarterback stance, and pulled his arm back. “Three, two, one…” Emmett threw Harry threw the air in a perfect spiral and the little Volturi member squealed some more as he spun through the air.

“Jasper!” Emmett called.

Jasper was already running through the trees, his arms stretched out ready to catch the vampire ball. Rosalie watched in amusement as Jasper jumped over roots fallen trees until he was out of sight. A second later he was back, carrying Harry in his arms and the little vampire was giggling insanely.

“Again!” Harry cheered. He squirmed out of Jaspers arms and ran to Emmett, holding his arms up ready to repeat the process.

“Yeah! Okay.” Emmett quickly picked up the little vamp and readied him. Spotting Rosalie, Emmett grinned. “How about we see who is better? Jasper and Rosalie battle it out to catch the Harryball.”

Rosalie raised a single sculpted brow and stared at her husband.

“Come on Rosie…” Emmett begged.

“Fine fine… but Jasper can’t complain when I win.” Rosalie boasted lightly while checking her nails.

Jasper snorted and sent a pointed look towards her shoes. “Like you will win in those heels.” He stated.

Emmett let out a booming laugh.  “The air of competition is perfect.” He announced. “Ready, set, go!” he yelled and launched Harry through the air again.

Rosalie didn’t hesitate to rush through the forest, Jasper running alongside her.  They were both glancing up, trying to calculate the best time to catch Harry. At the same time the leapt in the air, arms outstretched, just barely grasping the child, but Harry pulled into himself and away from their hands. In one swift motion he grabbed a springy branch, spun himself around, and launched himself back towards Emmett.

Rosalie and Jasper stared in shock, before they snapped out of it and went chasing after their prey. Theirs eyes never left Harry as he flew through the air, and as they were about to reach for him again. Emmett came bursting into the scene and snatched the little guy from the sky.

“Touchdown McCarthy!!!” Emmett yelled. Together with Harry, who was floating in the air, the pair did a synchronized touchdown dance.

Rosalie didn’t like losing. So as the pair’s dance got more elaborate she pounced. She grabbed Harry out of the air and ran off with him, yelling taunts over her shoulder. Emmett recovered quickly and with a loud roar he took chase. Jasper smirked before also following, all three of the throwing insults back and forth. Harry laughed from Rosalie arms and sent funny faces over her shoulder to the other two. None of them realized they left Bella alone in the garden; they were having too much fun running through the forest and being free.

o.O.o

Demetri arrived at the Cullen residence early, he had grown bored without Harry around all day. He didn’t bother knocking, because really, what were they going to do to him? Walking in, he knew something was off. Stretching his senses, Demetri had to laugh at what he found. It seemed that Edward had an accomplice.

Demetri chuckled darkly and stood in the middle of the living room. “So you came back early eh, Edward?” he asked.

The mind reader stiffened before pushing himself off Bella. Just as quick the smallest Cullen was standing in front of him.

“What are you doing here?” Alice asked. Her stance was aggressive as she surveyed him.

Demetri sneered at her. “Picking up Harry and Bella obviously.”

Alice frowned. “They’re playing in the woods.” She told him.

“Ah, ah, ah…. You can’t lie to me little girl.” Demetri goaded. “You used your sight and saw that they left Bella. Did you and Edward at least pretend to shop, or did you just wait around the corner until it was time? Another secret rendezvous, whatever will Charlie think?”

Edward joined them soon enough, Bella was slowly walking down the stairs. There was no point in trying to hide. “It’s your fault I can’t see her to start with. Why shouldn’t I take any chance I get to meet her?” Edward asked.

Demetri shook his head sadly. “Because, when you do things like this… it’s just gives me more ammunition to use against you. I’m sure Charlie will be happy to hear that Bella skipped out on her babysitting duties again to meet you. Only this time we can be happy that Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were responsible enough to stay and watch Harry. He’s only nine after all…. Too young to take care of himself.”

Edward scowled at the Volturi guard. “Whatever, tell him. Then Bella can inform him that they ran away from her. Then it’s those three that will get in trouble, not Bella.”

Demetri smirked. “So you are going to sell out your own family for Bella? A human that you are not even properly bonded to. How long have you known her -surely not as long as you have been with your family, yet you would choose her over them? Interesting…” Demetri trailed off.

Edward floundered. “I didn’t mean it like that!” He stated forcibly.

“I’m going to have to put this in my report to Aro. Edward Cullen lacks loyalty. It’s a good thing you will never be put in a situation where loyalty could decide your fate.” Demetri chuckled again, as he turned. “Well I’m going to hunt down Harry. I think you will have five more minutes alone before I’m back. Use them well.”

“God damnit! Why are you so evil?” Edward yelled.

Demetri laughed when it looked like Edward was one step away from stomping his foot like a petulant child. “Well maybe we can compromise…”

Edward looked at Alice, but the pixie vampire shook her head negatively. Edward frowned, and looked at Demetri warily. “What kind of compromise?”

“It’s hard making excuses to Charlie so Harry and I can hunt for ripe human prey…” He trailed off.

Alice gasped. “You are not asking us to hunt humans for you, are you?” She seemed completely disgusted at the thought.

Demetri waved his hand. “Of course not. But there is a blood bank nearby, and if two certain vampires stole some of the stored blood, well that would help greatly.”

The Cullen’s stared at the Volturi member blankly. Demetri huffed in annoyance. “Steal us some blood, and I won’t tell Charlie and Carlisle about this little meeting.” Demetri left the three staring after him, but he didn’t care about them. Right now he had Harry to find, and see what he had been up to all day. If those three treated him well, then maybe he might suggest to Aro that they deserved to live. It was only fair after all.

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of the Day**

Q: What are a vampire’s favorite snacks?

A: Adam’s apples and neck-tarines.


	10. Life is Like a Box of Prongs

Charlie was in the backyard waiting near the barbeque to grill up some steaks for dinner, blue for the boys, well done for Bella, and a nice medium rare for himself. It was his own reward for how calm his household had been lately. Bella still moped around but it had lessened of late. She wasn’t particularly warm towards the boys, but Charlie figured it an only-child thing. Bella never had to share her parents before and now there were two others in the picture and she must not know how to deal with it. Charlie wanted to help, he did, but Bella was a young woman now and she needed to learn to work through these things on her own.  

“Charlie, I finished preparing the corn,” Harry called for his attention, a plate with a tin-foil corn pyramid in his hands.

“Good job sport. Let’s grill these quickly and eat.” Charlie took the plate and started placing the corn on the grill. “How is your brother doing with the salads?”

Harry giggled. “He’s having trouble with the potato salad. He keeps saying that potato salad needs radishes but none of the recipes online call for them. I think he finally settled on a bacon potato salad though,” Harry explained.

Charlie groaned at the sound of bacon. “Tell him everything is better with bacon.” Charlie had yet to meet someone who didn’t love bacon, well except for those vegetarians and vegans, or whatever they are called. “Have you seen Bella?”

Harry shook his head. “Not since she said you sent her to the store to get ice cream for dessert. She hasn’t been back yet.”

“Ah, maybe-” Charlie was cut off by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. It wasn’t loud and clunky like Bella’s truck, it had a newer smoother sound.  “Well who could that be?”

Together Charlie and Harry walked around the house and to the front to see a sleek black car with tinted windows in the driveway parked beside Bella’s red truck. The driver side door opened slowly and out stepped a large and sturdy looking gentleman in a grey three piece suit. He had short stylish black hair, and a pale olive complexion.

“Felix!” Harry cried and then launched himself across the yard and into the man’s waiting arms.

“My Little Teddy Bear! How I missed you!” The man exclaimed as he spun Harry around and then pulled him close to cuddle. “Have you been missing me terribly? You best have.” 

“I have! It’s never the same without you around,” Harry chirped.

“I can see you wasted no time in getting your claws on him,” Demetri spoke from the front porch. Charlie looked up at his oldest nephew and frowned.

“Do you know this man?” The name sounded familiar, but he wanted to be sure.

Demetri gave a suffering sigh. “This is my friend Felix. He’s a great guy really, bit of a flirt and as you can see, he tends to forget the outside world when he’s playing with Harry.” Charlie looked back at the new person and watched as he pulled a toy car from his pocket and explained to Harry that the next car he buys was going to look like this one. He did look completely immersed in talking to Harry.

“I see… well we better welcome him.” Charlie walked forward and cleared his throat to gain the man’s attention.

The man, Felix, looked towards him and smiled. “Sorry, sorry. I just missed my little Harry Berry. I’m Felix Austerlitz, pleasure to meet you.” Felix held out his hand and Charlie grabbed it in a firm handshake.

“Charlie Swan, pleasure.” Charlie squeezed the man’s hand and was happy to feel an answering pressure. His father taught him how to judge a man from his handshake. Felix’s skin was cold, but he applied the right amount of strength, and it wasn’t slimy with sweat. It was a handshake of someone Charlie could get along with. “We’re about to eat dinner, how ‘bout you join us and catch up with the boys while I throw a steak on the grill for you. How do you take it?”

“Straight off the cow,” Felix said with a smile.

Charlie’s moustache twitched in amusement. “Just like the boys then.”

Felix threw Harry over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and grinned. “I’ll help. I’ve been told I have a way with meat.”

“Wait!” Harry screamed. “Where are my presents?” The little guy started kicking his feet and flailing his arms for attention.

Felix laughed while Demetri was quick to reprimand Harry. “Don’t be so presumptuous! What do you need presents for anyway? Felix visiting should be a present enough, don’t be greedy.”

Charlie laughed at the scene. “Be easy on him Demetri. Children always think there’s a present hidden somewhere for them.”

Demetri frowned. “Still…”

“Demi, do you really think I would come visit my favourite little guy and not shower him with gifts? They’re all in my trunk!” Felix walked over to his car and with a press of a button on his keychain the trunk popped up revealing several wrapped boxes, and colourful bags. “Just wait to unwrap any red ones until later, yeah?”

Harry squealed and squirmed in Felix’s arms. “I want to open them all now!” He cheered, his little hands trying to grab onto one.

“Harry, you can wait until later. Besides you haven’t properly thanked Felix for bringing them,” Demetri stated gently.

“No! I want to open them all now!” Harry yelled in a small fit while still wiggling every which way to get to the presents. “Now! Now! Now! Now!”

“Harry!” Demetri snapped. “Is that the proper way to act? How old are you now?”

Charlie was slightly taken aback from Demetri’s harsh words. He had never seen the young man act like this with Harry. He was always very kind and caring, and used a light reprimand in the past. It was a completely new side and Charlie had no idea where it came from.

Harry went limp in Felix’s arms and lowered his head. “I’m sorry Demetri. Thank you for the gifts Felix, but I think I should help finish dinner before opening any. Can I get down now?”

“Sure Harry Berry,” Felix said as he placed the kid down. “Come on Demetri, you shouldn’t be so hard on him.”

Demetri ignored Felix in favour of stopping Harry as he walked towards the house. He placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder and turned him around to face him. “Harry, you know I don’t like yelling at you but you know why you can’t act like that right?”

Harry nodded silently.

“Can I have a hug?”

Harry nodded again and stepped into Demetri’s arms.

Charlie felt a heavy hand land on his shoulder and turned to see Felix standing behind him. “Let’s leave ‘em be, yeah?”

Charlie nodded and led the new person back to the backyard. It was probably for the best, the corn was still on the grill and Charlie Swan had never overcooked corn before and he wasn’t going to start now.

“Will they be okay? I’ve never seen either of them act like before,” Charlie pointed out, fishing for answers.

Felix chuckled a little. “Years ago, yeah. When Harry was younger he tended to act out and throw temper tantrums that got really violent. Things would break you know, but the worst was seeing how Harry got hurt in the process. Once he started he just couldn’t stop. No one blamed him, children and all… but no one could really calm him down except for Demetri. It took some time but eventually his mind calmed down, the tantrums stopped coming, and we got the Harry you probably see every day -a cute kid with a kind heart who occasionally steals cookies from the cookie jar.”

“Oh…” Charlie’s moustache shook anxiously. He didn’t like the sound of the tantrums and he hoped they wouldn’t return, because he didn’t think he could handle seeing the little guy hurt himself like that.

“I don’t think you need to worry. It’s probably the new setting and everything that’s affecting him, but as long as Harry is with Demetri everything will be fine,” Felix reassured him.

Charlie could accept that. It was still a sad situation. Charlie decided to think on it later though, and changed the topic. “So how long have you known Demetri and Harry?” Charlie asked as he threw the steaks on.

Felix laughed, “Oh we go back a long way Demetri and I. I think I lost count of how many years we have known each other. I met Harry the same time that Demetri did though. Cute little guy.”

Charlie was surprised. “You were at the hospital with Demetri when Harry was born?” He didn’t think that Demetri and Felix had been that close before, but now he was rethinking it. He had gone to the hospital with Billy Black every time his wife gave birth, but everyone else he just sent some flowers and a stuffed bear. 

Felix gave him a mysterious little smirk. “Yes, I was there the night Harry was born.”

Charlie’s eyes narrowed. “Where about did you grow up? Your accent isn’t American. And it’s not like Demetri’s or Harry’s,” Charlie pointed out.

“I travelled a lot with my family, seen many sights, but they mainly reside in Italy now. I spent much time there,” Felix answered.  Felix looked at his watch and smiled. “There now, enough time has passed; I believe Demetri and Harry should be joining us soon.”

Charlie didn’t know what to say to that so he went about testing the corn, making sure that it was cooked properly. Something niggled at the back of Charlie’s mind though and he looked at his own watch. Seeing how long ago he sent Bella out, he was starting to get worried. “Felix, I hate to ask this of you since you are a guest, but could you watch the steaks as I go inside and call my daughter? She should be home by now.”

“No problem,” Felix agreed, taking the tongs from his hands.

Charlie nodded at the good fellow and walked inside. He picked up the receiver and dialed out Bella’s cell number.  He had returned her phone to her earlier when he sent her to the store, just in case. The phone rang twice before it clicked.

“Charlie,” Bella’s said on the other end.

“Bells! Where are ya? You didn’t go to Seattle for ice cream did you?” Charlie joked, hoping to make it sound like he wasn’t as worried as he was.

“Oh…I uh… decided to take a small walk before coming home,” Bella answered.

Charlie frowned. “A walk? Wont the ice cream melt then?” He was not going to ask her if she was with the Cullen boy. He had to show her that he trusted her, even if he really didn’t. She had lied to him a lot in the past and but he was willing to try and show her that he still thought her capable of making the right choices. Therefore, he could not ask if she was with the Cullen boy.

“Are you with Edward?” Harry’s childish voice filtered through the line. Charlie jumped a little at the noise and quickly looked through the kitchen doorway to see Harry sitting on the couch beside Demetri with the wireless pressed against his ear. Bless that little boys’ soul for asking such a question when Charlie couldn’t.

“I-I..” Bella spluttered.

“Charlie I think she’s with Edward. Are you allowing her to see him again?” Harry innocently asked.

“Bells dear, where are you exactly?” Charlie asked slowly.

Charlie listened as the line was flooded with wind. He looked out the window and was curious as to where it was coming from because it wasn’t a windy day. Suddenly the wind stopped and Charlie could hear Bella again. “I’m in front of the house.”

“Charlie come look, its Edward and Bella!” Harry called. Charlie peeked into the living room again and spotted Harry looking out the front bay window. Charlie hung up the phone and rushed to the living room. Outside the window stood Edward Cullen and he was glaring at Harry. Charlie definitely did not like that boy.

Charlie wasn’t sure how it happened, but suddenly Demetri was on the front porch and talking to the pair.

“Well now, isn’t this a surprise.” Charlie jumped and turned around to see Felix standing behind him. The tall man was looking over his shoulder and holding a plate of steak with single strip hanging from the side of his mouth. “That your daughter? Looks like a daytime soap opera out there.”

Charlie huffed and straightened himself. He was going to take care of this. Charlie marched over to the front door and opened it wide as he stepped out. He leveled Edward Cullen with a stern look, his moustache quirking to the left to show his disappointment. “Isabella, you have one minute to explain to me why Edward is here, and it better be a damn good explanation young lady!”

“We just ran into each other while I was out,” Bella quickly rattled off quickly.

Charlie frowned deeply. “Bells, you are a terrible liar, and I have overlooked it in the past hoping that you were going to tell me the truth eventually, but not this time. I’m highly disappointed in you.”

“You should lock her in a cell for the night. You’re the police chief right?” Felix spoke up from behind him. Bella and Edward turned to look at the new person and both gasped. Charlie looked at the man and had to fight back a smile at the sight of Harry hanging off his back with his own strip of steak in his mouth.

“Felix!” they yelled at the same time.

“You know him?” Charlie asked.

Felix laughed and answered before Bell and Edward could. “I’m not surprised that the girl knows me,” he sent a wink towards Bella, “I am a famous underwear model, but the guy is surprise. Unless he’s hiding something from his little girlfriend there,” Felix teased.

Charlie felt his ears go red at the insinuation that his daughter would look at such things. There were some things that went on in a young woman’s bedroom that Charlie preferred not to think about, especially in connection with his daughter.

“I am not gay!” Edward protested right away.

A slow smirk spread across Felix’s face. “Then why do you look like you want to eat me right up right now?”

Charlie coughed. “Well, that’s neither here nor there. What is important right now is Bella’s new punishment,” Charlie steered the conversation back on course, but he couldn’t help but throw a questioning look towards Edward. The boy was a bit… what was the word Jeanie used…metrosexual.

“I am not fucking gay!” Edward protested again.

“I think I will take Harry inside, he shouldn’t be hearing such foul language. Shame on you Edward.” Felix wagged a finger at the Cullen.

“Enough of this. Bella get into the back of my squad car. Apparently locking you up for the night is the only way to keep you away from Edward. While you’re in there for the night, I’m going to call your mother,” Charlie announced. He was going to put an end to this.

“Charlie!” Bella screeched.

“No Bells, it’s for the best.”

“But you can’t just lock me up for seeing my boyfriend,” Bella argued.

Charlie smirked. “I’m the Chief of police, sure I can.”

Another small round of protests later, Bella was in the squad car and Charlie was waiting for Dr. Cullen to come by and collect his son. How had his nice barbeque plans turn into this mess?

He sincerely hoped things would become less hectic soon.

**\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of the Day**

Q: Why did Dracula flunk art class?

A: Because he could only draw blood!

  A/N: Every time I pick the bad joke of the day, I can’t help but mentally go ‘ZING!’ after reading it.


	11. Stop! Can’t Prong this!

 

“I’m honestly at my wit’s end on what to do here Renee,” Charlie spoke into the phone, one hand grabbing his hair in frustration. “No, I don’t think this is a product of my parenting skills, and I am not blaming you. I called looking for answers and help not another argument.”

Bella watched on dispassionately from her little cell. She could see all the happenings in the little police station and just sat back in boredom. She never seen the office part of the station since there was a wall and reception area that blocked the offices and overnight cells from the public, and she honestly thought she would never see this part of the station until now. She knew that Charlie wouldn’t keep her here overnight. He had only locked her up to prove a small point, because now that he was talking to her mother, soon he would feel bad and they would go home together. Charlie was weak against Renee, and Belle just needed to wait for her mother to have her say.

“-being in love and dependent on another is completely different. I will not excuse our daughter from running to Italy without warning, because she in love. Renee, we need to lay down the law now or our daughter may grow up to be-” Charlie yelled at the phone before stopping suddenly. “No, I’m not trying to blame you… I don’t see how I’m the one to blame here Renee, but if that’s how you want to play this than it’s my turn. It’s always been about what you want to do and damn everything else. Well now look, our daughter is at the bottom of her class grade-wise, she spends more time plotting how to run to her boyfriend instead of studying or thinking of her future, and she shirks her responsibilities by leaving children alone in a crowded mall. She’s starting to sound an awful lot like you.”

Bella frowned. Her grades had been just fine when she arrived, and they might have dropped because of Edward leaving, but they were getting better. Surely she couldn’t be the worst in her grade. Charlie was probably exaggerating.

“Why does it matter why she was watching a child to begin with? The issue is that she left a child alone in another town I might add,” Charlie stated fiercely. Suddenly his shoulders stiffened and his voice dropped to a dangerous whisper. “You are focusing on the wrong part of the conversation here. I am starting to see that I was wrong to allow you to raise our daughter.”

The explosion of noise through the receiver made Bella wonder what her mother was saying. The louder words were quite crude, and Charlie himself had to hold the receiver away from his ear a little.

“Well what am I supposed to think when you defend our daughter’s actions instead of being upset,” Charlie yelled back. “No I will not send her back to you. Bella will stay here is Forks until she goes off to college, and hopefully by then she will be a better woman than you!”

Bella didn’t mind that. She preferred to stay in Forks where Edward was. She already started on her plans for after school anyways. She would go to a university really far away where there wouldn’t be a lot of sun and be turned into a vampire. No one would think it weird if she went to a university in Alaska or something. But then why should she care if they thought her weird or not? She was going to be a vampire and spend eternity with Edward. She probably wouldn’t even remember them after she was turned anyways. All the Cullen’s only remember little bits of their past before they were turned.

“I don’t care if you come here Renee. Fine, come if you want but you are not taking Bella back with you. No you can’t stay in the guest room. I changed the locks years ago so that key won’t work. If you break in through the window I will have you charged with trespassing and as a police officer I will do the honours myself. Yes you used to live there but not anymore. It’s my house and I don’t want you to stay there. Besides, the guest room is being used so there’s nowhere for you to sleep,” Charlie pointed out.

“Some nephews are staying there. I’m not talking about this anymore Renee. I called you because it was the right thing to do, but you are more interested in playing the blame game rather than helping find a solution.” Charlie paused to let Renee talk before he exploded again. “I don’t care if you take me to court to gain full custody of Bella. I’m on the stations phone and this is being recorded. I can use this conversation against you and show that judge your serious lack of judgment when it came to raising our daughter.” Charlie slammed the phone down and sighed heavily.

“Women! Never think anything is their fault,” Charlie said before giving another heavy sigh. Looking over his shoulder, Charlie saw Doris, who was on phone duty that night, and quickly apologized. “Not you of course Doris, you are always in the right.” Doris merely smiled and went back to reading a magazine, dismissing the former comment entirely.

Another officer by the name of Williamson stood up and handed Charlie a foam cup with coffee. “Why don’t you head home Charlie. Me and the other boys can watch Bella tonight and book her for public disturbance of something. Go home and have a beer, I think you deserve one or two.”

“Yeah, I might as well…” Charlie trailed off. Bella sat forward in concern. Charlie wasn’t going to leave her here was he? He was her father he should feel bad and take her home, that’s how it worked.

“Oh while you were talking to your ex, a message came in for you,” Williamson said as he handed Charlie a note.

Charlie took the message and started laughing. “Oh that sweet sweet boy…Harry said that he was making me a bacon apple tart for when I get home.”

Williamson smiled kindly. “I wondered if that was a real thing so I looked it up online and I must say, it sounds delicious.”

“Right, home time. You know the drill, no visitors and no one but a parent or guardian can post bail. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Charlie gathered his jacket and keys in preparation to leave. “I’m sorry about all this,” Charlie apologized.

Williamson waved him off. “No worries. We’re already looking at it as a new way to take your kid to work day type thing. I might arrest my own boy if he keeps trying to smuggle my beer from the fridge.”

Charlie laughed, and his shoulders loosened a little. “I’ll see you soon.”

Bella floundered as she watched Charlie walk away. He was actually going to leave her here? “Charlie!” She yelled. Charlie turned around and frowned at her. “You can’t leave me like this. I get it okay? I shouldn’t have gone to see Edward when you asked me to go to the store, but isn’t this a little extreme of a punishment?”

“I’m sorry Isabella, but I have a bacon apple tart waiting for me at home made by a child that follows the rules and is kind and courteous to everyone he meets.  A child like that doesn’t get locked up. I never thought I would have to say this but I hope that your night here will help you act more like that child, even if he is only nine years old. I told Harry not to touch my gun and he never went near it again. I asked Harry to run to the store and get jam and he came back with two different kinds, bread and peanut butter. I told Harry that it was bedtime and he calmly turned off his video, brushed his teeth, and went to bed. If I told Harry to stay away from Edward, he would probably run in the other direction at the mere mention of his name. A nine-year old is better at following directions than you and that’s just sad. So you will stay here and reflect on your past actions. Instead of being mad at me you should be disappointed in yourself for being less mature than a child who can only reach the low shelf in the cupboard.” Charlie nodded his head at Bella and walked away.

Bella didn’t know what to say.

o.O.o

Carlisle wished that vampires could get headaches, so that he would have a reason to take pills like his co-workers. But he couldn’t so he straightened the buttons on the cuff on his shirt and walked into the Swan residence to meet with three Volturi members.

“Hello,” he greeted them. The three were sitting on the couch, all relaxed and waiting for him.

“Carlisle, has Edward been returned home now?” Demetri asked.

“He has. Emmett and Jasper are keeping him there so that I may talk to you without interruption,” Carlisle answered.

“Have a seat please,” Harry offered, his young voice polite and light.

Carlisle sat down, and faced the three, waiting for them to talk first. He didn’t need to wait long.

“I know what you must be thinking,” Demetri started, “the Volturi are here solely to make my coven’s life hell. Well you’re wrong. We came here with pure intentions.” Carlisle didn’t believe they had completely pure intentions. He witnessed some of Demetri’s and Harry’s escapades to make Edward and Bella suffer.  “You see, we learned that someone here in Forks had let a human in on our secret. That is bad. I mean it starts with one and then it spreads and soon the humans are back to their vampire hunting ways and our lives are in danger once again. You understand right Carlisle, you had a front row seat to some vampire killings.”

Carlisle kept his face blank. Everyone in the Volturi knew his history.

“We just wanted to know who told dear sweet Bella. Nothing malicious in that,” Felix added. The fake sincerity in his voice was so thick that Carlisle swore he could see it coating the man in black grime.

“We have been ever so courteous to you and your family while here, and even to the wolves that live nearby. We have respected the lives that you and your coven built here, and we don’t want to endanger that, but it seems that you and yours have not extended us the same courtesy. Edward has been nothing but hostile to us, he seems intent of breaking the ground rules that Charlie has set up to protect his daughter, and recruited Alice to keep a constant watch on us with her gift,” Demetri explained.

Carlisle bristled. “You can hardly proclaim to be the best visitors. You have had Edward and now Bella arrested, and ruined their reputations around the town,” Carlisle pointed out.

Demetri tsked sadly. “But we didn’t do that. They did that to themselves. Who’s to say they wouldn’t have been arrested even if we weren’t here?  You can’t know that. Their actions are the cause for their sudden unpopularity.”

“Actions which are a result of your meddling,” Carlisle argued.

“We didn’t tell Edward to climb trees and peep on Bella,” Harry protested.

“True, but if you hadn’t told Charlie, he wouldn’t have known,” Carlisle stated firmly.

“We didn’t tell Charlie. Charlie came downstairs on his own and saw Harry hiding under the counter because we thought there was a burglar outside. Charlie left the house on his own and caught Edward.” Demetri was completely relaxed as he explained everything away so simply, like he was merely discussing that he had to water the flowers in the garden.

Carlisle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t come here to fight with you. I just want to appeal to you and hope that you will leave my family in peace now. Bella discovered that we were vampires on her own. Edward never told her. Case solved. You didn’t need to bring Felix here,” Carlisle stated tiredly.

Felix scoffed. “Not everything the Volturi does is about your coven. When Demetri went the Seattle he sensed something off about the city. The next night Demetri and Harry snuck out of this little hovel and went to investigate and found signs of a newborn army being created. They estimated it was still in the early stages, so when informed Aro, Marcus and Caius only saw fit to send me. I came here purely to eliminate this possible army before it grows too big,” Felix explained.

Carlisle was stunned. “A newborn army in Seattle?”

“Yes. Have you not seen the news reports? There’s an increase of missing persons in the Seattle area of late,” Demetri told him.

Carlisle pondered on the statement for a bit. He would freely admit to himself that he hadn’t been paying attention to much outside of the Edward Bella situation; it was just something that appeared small at first but quickly grew to be you entire focus, consuming you time and energy like a plague. It was quite maddening really. If what they said was true and the Volturi really had no reason to lie about a newborn army, than Carlisle could only think of one vampire that passed through their area lately that might have cause for an army. “Victoria…”

“What was that?” Harry asked.

Carlisle eyed the Volturi guard and decided to tell them everything. “There is a vampire by the name of Victoria. We, the Cullen Coven, killed her mate when he tried to kill Bella. She has been by a few times attempting to get Bella, but we have been fortunate that Bella was with the werewolves. The only vampire nearby that would have a reason to create a newborn army would be Victoria.”

Felix laughed. “Damn, so it really all does come back to you and yours doesn’t it? Another mess and we have to clean it up.”

“It’s not like that!” Carlisle protested. “We tried to keep Bella safe but James, Victoria’s mate, was a tracker and thought that killing Bella would give him a challenge. He managed to get her alone, but we found them and killed him. Victoria has been skirting around the area ever since.”

“So Bella is in the centre of the issue again. I feel like we would have less tedious tasks if we just killed her,” Harry threw out. “She’s not nice or anything and she didn’t appreciate the rat blood I offered her.”

“You probably shouldn’t have offered it to her after making her re-watch that Vampire High episode with the rat named Bella,” Demetri explained.

“I thought it would be a nice Segway into the offer.” Harry pouted.

“This isn’t like the time you stole that sheep and its clone, hoping that it would help Alec and Jane get over their fight. Some people don’t appreciate such gestures,” Demetri lectured with a smile. 

Carlisle was about ready to scream at them to stay on topic. He remembered Demetri being a very serious and silent guard, a guard that used to stay in the shadows and followed orders. How did that guard become this vampire that spent majority of his time spoiling a little child vampire? The Volturi really had changed since his days with them.

“Tonight we will go to Seattle and survey the situation. If it is something we can handle the three of us, we will exterminate the army and all go home to Italy. If not, we will need to call in some other guards to help take care of the problem,” Felix spoke over the other two Volturi members.

Carlisle felt relief. “So once this army problem is solved all _three_ of you will leave?”

Felix smirked, “of course, but not before we tie up a few loose ends here. Demetri and Harry can’t just disappear after establishing themselves so well, and there’s the issue of Bella needing to be changed, and after killing an entire army, I feel like I would deserve a small vacation…”

Carlisle’s ray of hope diminishes slightly, but there was still some there. “If you need help, Emmett and Jasper could go with you tonight, maybe Alice as well. Her gift can be quite useful in tracking down Victoria.”

“We won’t need Alice, plus her gift will be limited with Harry there. Vampire gifts seem to dim when used on him. The two boys will be fine though,” Felix sat forward, eyeing Carlisle seriously.

“Dim? How so?” Carlisle as fascinated with discovering why Alice and Edward’s gifts didn’t seem to work.  They had wondered, but now it seemed that the Volturi were going to unknowingly supply the Cullen’s with an answer to a question that plagued them since the guard arrived.

Felix eyed him with a smirk. “Children, such innocent and mysterious little things aren’t they?” He asked as he pet Harry’s hair.

Carlisle was about to push for a more clear answer but Demetri sat up, and drew everyone’s attention. “Charlie is almost home, I believe it’s time for you to go,” Demetri spoke up. “No need to send the boys, we will pick them up on our way.”

Carlisle sighed as he stood up. He didn’t bother pressing the issue anymore, especially with Charlie near. “I tell them to prepare.”

Carlisle left quickly after that, anxiously waiting for the day that the Volturi left Forks for good.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

**Bad Joke of the Day**

Q: Why don’t vampires like mosquitoes?

A: Too much competition


	12. Prong, I am your Fork!

 

“ _All clear up from here_ ,” Harry’s voice sounded through the radio. Felix grinned as he wandered the street of his designated area north of the newborn camp, content to casually look around while Harry was on look out. If there was one thing his gift was useful for it was as a scout. The little vampire could hover above the buildings and to high places to look out for any roaming enemies and warn others while strategizing counter measures. He was the Volturi’s own personal floating control tower.

About two years after Harry had joined them, a small coven in Russia had attempted to start a revolution. They believed that vampires should be more known, more feared. Harry had been watching from a high up place when he saw a group waiting to ambush Demteri and Felix as they exited an old church. He had called out a warning but had been too far to hear. Felix had been impressed when he left the building and as the group jumped out to attack, the large old stone cross on top of the church fell and crushed them, with Harry sitting on top.  Harry’s strength had diminished since them, leaving the newborn faze, but he was still stronger than any human and could still float and look out. But since he couldn’t push over any more stone crosses, they carried radios to always be in touch.

The trio had arrived at the Cullens and grabbed Emmett and Jasper while Edward and Alice sulked. Carlisle and his mate seemed worried while the blonde girlfriend just looked on in disinterest. Felix didn’t care. They only reason they took the two were so they had extra manpower and so Demetri could tap into Victoria’s tenor to track her down. It had been easy for Demetri to tap into Victoria’s mind tenor since she had met both Emmett and Jasper before, and once they got a location the five had ran from the Cullen house and to their destination.

They split up, Harry taking the air over the camp, Felix to the north, Demetri to the south, and the Cullen boys coming in from the sides. Once they got the all clear from Harry they were going to rush in and kill. No declarations or warning, just pure slaughter.

“ _Jasper, can your gift help you tell how many people are inside_?” Demetri asked through the radio.

“ _Newborns don’t have many emotions apart from hunger, I can’t get an accurate count. There’s Victoria, a male, and 5 or more newborns_ …” Felix frowned. That wasn’t fun. A few more newborns and it could have been a party.

“ _Alright, we can handle that. Don’t worry if some of the newborns escape. We need to kill the leaders first, and then Harry can tell us which way they went and I can track them down_ ,” Demetri explained for the benefit of the two Cullen’s. Felix knew the drill, and so did Harry. The little guy was floating around with pen and paper ready to record every single one of the escapee’s.

“Can we get this started?” Felix asked, growing impatient.

“ _Ready…_ ” Demetri started. They were to attack at the same time so they could trap the newborns without warning, and cut off their escape routes.

“ _Wait!_ ” Harry whispered quickly. Felix stilled his movements, wondering what the kid saw. “ _I see two more approaching from Felix’s direction.”_

Felix smirked, and leaned against a wall, trying to appear nonchalant. He was going to get some warm up fun. Soon enough a couple appeared before him, speeding around a corner and towards the camp.

“Steve, we don’t need to go that fast, There’s still an hour before the sun rises!” The woman said in exasperation.

“You know Riley likes us back early though. No chances,” the man, Steve, responded.

“I know but-“ the woman stopped running and stared straight at Felix. “Steve…” She whispered gaining her partners attention.

Steve stopped running and turned back to see Felix grinning at him. “Hello lovelies. Where might you be off to?” Felix asked.

The woman stepped towards Felix before flinching and stepping back. “Who are you? You don’t smell like a newborn!” She accused.

“Are you part of that evil Cullen coven?” Steve asked, rushing to the woman’s side to protect her.

Felix laughed out loud and very loudly at the question. “Oh…trust me, I am not a Cullen. I shudder at the thought really. No, I am from Italy, and I am here to kill you.” Felix didn’t waste any time before he rushed forward and grabbed both newborns by their necks. The pair started to struggle but Felix simply tightened his grip and crushed their necks in his hands.  He slammed both bodies down on the ground and placed a knee on each other their chest, ignoring their clawing hands, and easily ripped both heads off.

Looking around Felix spotted a dumpster and dragged both bodies over to it. He opened the lid and tossed them inside before throwing in a match and lighting the entire thing on fire. Happy that the pair would burn, Felix closed the lid and walked away.

“Well that was fun,” he announced over the radio.

“ _It’s not over yet. Something strange is happening_ ,” Harry stated. “ _There’s a newborn approaching Demetri and two coming in from behind Emmett. They all look to be rushing back to camp_.”

“ _What do you mean_?” Emmett asked.

“ _Are they gathering for a meeting of some sort_?” Jasper asked.

Something was niggling at Felix, something that the pair said before they died. “Harry, can you lower yourself down on top of the building and listen in. I think they are gathering but I don’t think it’s for a meeting.”

“A-alright…” Harry answered. Felix knew the kid was still scared to go places and do important things without Demetri, but he Harry was the only one that could approach the building without getting noticed. Vampires were good at being aware of everything around them, whether left or right, front or back, but they all lacked the common sense to look above them. It was why Harry was such a good lookout, because vampires, like most humans, never looked above them.

“ _It’s okay Harry. Turn off your radio so they don’t hear it and just spy for a moment.  You can float back up to safety when you’re ready_ ,” Demetri soothed through the radio.

The radio went dead and Felix looked up to see a dark spot slowly descending from the sky above the camp. Felix could see it because he was looking for it, but any newborn wouldn’t look up to see it. The dark spot dropped below the surrounding building roofs and Felix settled down to wait.

A minute and then two passed before he heard Harry through the radio again. “ _Riley, he seems to be the newborn leader, had told them that vampires burn in the sunlight. All the newborns are gathering back together before the sunrise to avoid death_ ,” Harry informed them.

Felix smiled at the news. It seemed if they waited a little bit longer they would get all the newborns together, trapped in one place.

“ _Good job Harry_ ,” Demetri praised his little imp.

“ _Two more things_ ,” Harry told them. “ _There seems to be four leaders outside of Victoria. And one of the newborns has a strong gift._ ”

Felix raised an eyebrow in interest. “What kind of gift?” He asked.

“ _Repulsion. He can repel anyone away from himself. I heard a couple of them talking about it_.”

“ _Did you hear Victoria_?” Demetri asked.

“ _Yes. She was talking to Riley about who was missing. Then she said that she felt something off. I left then_ ,” Harry replied.

“ _Felix, how useful do you think this gifted newborn would be_?” Demetri asked him.

Felix took a moment to think about it. “I think Aro would be nauseated by him.” Felix waited a moment but didn’t get a response. “Demetri get it… nauseated… because that’s like being repulsed by someone… and the newborn’s gift is repulsion…” Felix explained.

“ _I got it, I just wasn’t impressed_ ,” Demetri sighed through the radio.

A series of giggles broke through the line and Felix smiled. “ _I liked it,”_ Harry said quietly.

“ _It was kinda corny though_ ,” Emmett stated.

Felix’s smile dropped. “Shut it Cullen! And don’t tell Carlisle about this conversation.”

“ _Maybe we should come back another day. The sun will rise soon and Harry and I need to be back at Charlie’s before he wakes up and notices us missing_.” Felix thought on the suggestion. It was true they needed to protect their cover, and it wasn’t like the newborns weren’t going to be gathered together again. They were terrified of sunlight which meant they would be stuck inside that building all day long, every day.

“Harry, did you keep track of how many newborns are in that building?”

“ _There’s Victoria, the male Jasper identified that we can assume is Riley, and 13 newborns with another four coming in from Emmett’s side_.”

“ _17 newborns… She has been a busy girl_ ,” Demetri stated is a small amount of amusement in his voice. “ _The gifted will probably repel us, but that’s fine, because I don’t think he will protect anyone else. Let’s go kill_!” Demetri whispered cruelly.

Felix felt his grin stretch to an impossible size in happiness. His fingers tingled as he leapt forward, leaving his secluded area to descend on the newborn army. He was in the Volturi Guard, an enforcer of vampire law, and one of God’s undead angels of death.  He loved it.

Felix used his advanced strength to smash through the buildings wall and straight into the vampire pit. Demetri entered the same time he did, kicking down the door, eyes blazing and murderous grin shining. The Cullen’s chose to enter through the windows, but Felix didn’t pay them anymore attention, because as soon as his presence registered in the minds of the newborns, they jumped up in a frenzy and attacked.

Felix couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he tore down newborn after newborn. He loved fighting newborns for their advanced strength but no matter how strong they were, they were never a match for him. He was pure brawn. While Demetri could track around the world and use his cunning to find a newborns weak spot and attack it, Felix didn’t need that. His hands were his power, and they never failed him.

Looking around, Felix grabbed a female newborn and ripped her head off, tossing the body to the other side of them and hitting a newborn that was trying to pounce on Jasper from behind. The blonde boy turned and sent Felix a grateful look, but the Volturi member was already turning away and shoving his hand through a male newborns body, right between the ribs and reaching inside and ripping the vampire in half.

“ _W-we have company_ ,” Harry stuttered through the radio.

Felix stilled, half way through ripping off a newborns arms, “Who?”

_“Wizards_ ,” Harry stated simply.

“Fuck!” Felix swore as Demetri’s own curses reached his ears. “Hold on Harry.” Sweeping the building, Felix spotted a new born off on his own, a large area of free space around him. He must be the gifted one Harry mentioned.

Felix didn’t waste time and started making his way over to the guy as he talked to Demetri. “Demetri, you need to get to Victoria and kill the bitch. I got things covered here,” He told his long-time partner.

“ _On it_ ,” Demetri responded. Felix could see the trackers shadow speeding up the stairs, and he felt better knowing that they would at least complete their mission before the wizards arrived, the idiotic bastards.

As Felix neared the gifted boy, he felt his skin crawling, telling him not to touch the blonde curly haired one. But his desire to help Harry was stronger so he pressed on. The closer he got, the worse he felt but ignored it, needing to keep Harry safe. “You the bug repellant vampire?” he asked. He didn’t need an answer so he pressed on. “Look I don’t want to kill you but I need your help. You can turn away humans too right? There’s a kid outside floating in the air that needs help keeping a bunch of bastards away. Can you go out there and help him repel the guys?”

The newborn stared at him with wide eyes and didn’t respond.

“I said I wasn’t going to kill you!” Felix yelled at the newborn as he elbowed another newborn in the face, crushing the face and sending the newborn to the ground.

“T-the s-sun…” Bug Repellant stuttered.

Felix forgot about that. “You won’t burn in the sun so get your ass outside and help Harry, or I will kill you and no gift can stop be when I’m pissed and I will be pissed if anything happens to the child outside, got it?”

Repellant slowly got to his feet and his repulsion dropped a little before he fled outside. Felix sighed and turned back to the battle. Looking down he saw Crushed Face struggling to get to him, and Felix stomped down on his neck and twisted his foot to pop the newborns head off. Seeing that Jasper was getting cornered by three newborns, Felix ripped off Crushed Face’s arms and threw them at the heads of the newborns, and used the rest of the body to hit the third.

Seeing that Jasper would be fine, Felix started running towards Emmett when he spotted something hiding behind some boxes. Peeking around them he saw a young newborn girl with long bushy black hair. The girl looked up at him with large scared eyes and Felix decided to me merciful. He placed a hand on the girls’ head and squeezed his hand, crushing her brain completely. Another one out of the way.

“ _I killed Victoria but Riley got away_ ,” Demetri declared.

Felix sighed in relief and took in the situation. There were only two newborns left standing and some trying to reattach their limbs. He could hear the approaching steps of the wizards, and he rather not deal with them anymore than he needed to. Speeding towards the last two, Felix grabbed them by their necks and turned towards the Cullen’s. “Okay brats, rip them up quickly and pile them together in the middle. We’re going to burn them and then meet up with Demetri to find Harry and Bug Spray.”

Not surprisingly the two beaten up Cullen’s didn’t say anything and merely listened to his instructions, quickly ripping the bodies and throwing them together. Felix finished off the last two and added them to the growing pile before taking out a box of matches and striking matches to throw at the newborns. He threw several before he deemed the fire big enough to leave.

“Let’s go,” he commanded as a wizard stepped into the broken doorway.

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of The Day**

Q: What does a vampire fear most?

A: Tooth decay


	13. Go Ahead, Make My Prong

 

“So…”Emmett’s deep tenor cut through the air as the group finally stopped running. “Was there actually wizards? Like the wand waving magic dude’s in the books?”

Felix looked at the large vampire and wondered if he was serious. “Yes. Did you not know about wizards before now?” Emmett shook his head and Felix frowned. “Carlisle never told you about them?” Emmett shook his head again and Felix couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“Odd. I figured Carlisle would keep his coven informed on everything they would face in the world. Strange that he neglected to mention wizards who feel the need to regulate and control Vampire affairs…” Demetri trailed off staring at the two Cullen’s in contemplation.

“Wizards control vampires?” Jasper asked, as he threw the rags of his shirt aside.

Felix smirked again.

 “They try but Caius always talks in long boring lectures and in circles so when they leave negotiations more confused than when they entered. They let us be in the past but in the last 10 years they have become more aggressive in their pursuits,” Demetri explained.

“Any particular reason why?” Jasper pushed.

Demetri looked away from the empath and pointedly ignored the question. “We should retrieve Harry soon if we plan to make it home before Charlie wakes.”

Felix chuckled and couldn’t resist teasing his partner over his one biggest mistake. Well it was a mistake that also turned out to be a great reward. “We were fine ignoring each other, but then one day a vampire decided to turn a little boy that was the wizarding world’s most cherished child.”

Emmett stepped forward with wide eyes. “Why would someone do that?”

“It doesn’t matter let’s go,” Demetri snapped.

Felix chuckled again, he wasn’t letting this go. “Demetri didn’t mean to, but we were chasing a newborn and it went inside a farm house. Demetri thought he could handle the situation on his own and killed the newborn and the family, except… for a small boy hiding in a tree. He didn’t bite Harry hard enough or something similar so it was a great shock when Harry started turning his arms. And then, instead of killing the child, according to the law, he started panicking, and when the wizards showed up he ran away with Harry still in his arms.”

Emmett whistled. “Harry is some great wizarding child?”

“The wizard version of Jesus,” Felix threw in.

Emmett whistled at the news.

“Wait. Why didn’t you kill him after you escaped?” Jasper asked Demetri.

Felix threw an arm around Jaspers shoulder and started leading him down the street. “He should have but, Harry opened his eyes in the turning process and Demetri made the mistake of looking into them. From that moment he was captured in Harry’s spell and couldn’t bring himself to kill the child. I offered to do it for him, but he was strangely protective. He viewed the child like a man would his precious lover. I tried many times to steal Harry and kill him on our way back to Volterra but Demetri wouldn’t allow it. Finally, I thought I would leave it to Aro, Marcus and Caius to deal with the child, but when we got back they were also enraptured by the little boy.  They decided to give the kid a chance.”

“So they broke their own law because of some doe eyes?” Emmett asked, completely enthralled in the tale.

“Yes, but if you ask them they will deny it and say that they merely kept Harry alive because of his ability to float. They tend to forget that we didn’t discover that talent until after they allowed him to live,” Felix explained.

“Felix would you shut up? It’s not like I was the only one who couldn’t kill him. If I recall, I caught you cuddling him on our way back to Italy when I left to go feed,” Demetri snapped.

Felix straightened up and fixed his ruined shirt. “Right… time to get Harry. Maybe we should call Aro and tell him about our new friend, hm?”

o.O.o

Alice jerked forward as she was hit with a vision. Jasper and Emmett were standing before a large bonfire of body parts, both looking solemn, and then Felix was grabbing them both roughly by the arms and telling them they needed to go as a group of human’s approached. The vision ended there, but it left her confused. Logically she knew that Jasper and Emmett had left to go kill some newborns, which explained they body part campfire, but why would the Volturi want to run from humans? They should have laughed manically and ripped the humans necks open or something, not leave.

“That is curious. Felix looked almost scared of those humans,” Edward spoke as he ran into the room.

Was Felix really scared of the humans? She hadn’t seen Harry, maybe something happened to him. The Volturi guards did seem protective of him so maybe they lost him in the fight or something.

“What is going on?” Carlisle asked feeling lost.

“Alice saw Jasper and Emmett in a warehouse somewhere. There was a pile of burning bodies, and Felix was telling them they needed to leave. There were some humans and Felix looked scared of them. We were trying to figure out why,” Edward explained.

Carlisle frowned, and Alice was curious as to why. He seemed to think of something, but as soon as the thought came his face went blank and it was Edward’s turn to frown. “What… what were you just think about? It was too fast for me to catch.”

“Some things are best unknown,” Carlisle answered.

Edward looked like he was going to press for an answer but suddenly Carlisle’s cellphone rang. Answering, the rest of the Cullen family listened in.  “Hello?”

“ _Carlisle! It’s Demetri, and I need a small favour. It seems Harry and I won’t make it back to Charlie’s in time for him to wake up, so if you would there’s a small box on the left-hand nightstand. Inside there will be several notes. Could you leave the one about going to watch the sunrise on the fridge? Oh and please bring the quilt at the end of the bed back with you. Thanks, you’re a good man Carlisle_ ,” Demetri said quickly before they all heard a click and then line went dead.

“Right…I should probably…” Carlisle flipped his phone shut, probably debating on whether he should listen to Demetri or not. 

“I’ll go!” Rosalie volunteered. The blonde seemed excited about it, which confused Alice. Rosalie was never excited about anything. Even shopping only got her barest of smiles and a heavy foot on the gas pedal. 

“Rosalie?” Carlisle seemed just as baffled as Alice did.

Rosalie scoffed at them. “Please don’t tell me you aren’t curious as well. You were just given permission to go and snoop around a Volturi member’s bedroom. Who knows what I could find in there. Some list of nefarious deeds, or the next plan to humiliate Edward and his little human girlfriend-“

Edward snarled. “You want to leave them a list of ideas! You already wrote up a few ideas on how to terrorize us!”

Rosalie didn’t seem the least bit fazed or guilty with Edward’s statements. Instead she seemed a little proud of herself. “Did you think I would find a list and hand it over to you so you can be prepared? In my opinion you deserve everything they have done to you. I said stay away from the human girl. Who cares if you can’t hear her insignificant little thoughts, but no, not you Edward, you had to go and get closer to her. Because of your selfish actions the Volturi have invaded our home, bossing us around, and took my mate off to fight a newborn army. I believe it’s only right that all your actions come back at you tenfold.”

Edward looked furious and ready to lunge at Rosalie. Carlisle sensed the danger as he stepped between the two. “Rosalie, that is not very nice. Edward only did what he thought was right-“

Rosalie straightened up and interrupted Carlisle. “Right because Edward is always in the right, and can never do any wrong in your eyes. And when he does do something wrong we should overlook it and pity him because he doesn’t have a mate. Poor mate-less Edward allowed to expose us to everyone he wants to and never gets reprimanded. He wants to date a human that’s fine, Rosalie wants to save a man who was attacked by a bear and it’s an hour long fight, and then another five years of lectures about self-control and the safety of the family.”

Alice was surprised at Rosalie’s rant; it seemed she held onto some resentment over the years, because she didn’t stop there.

“When it came to discussing if we should turn Bella, you were all for it. Let’s welcome her, let’s welcome the human that the Volturi wanted to kill. That will keep us in their good books. You opened your arms to Bella, but how long did it take you to accept Emmett? How long did it take you before you stopped treating him like an outsider? Where was that acceptance for him? Bella isn’t even a vampire and yet you treat her better than you ever did to Emmett when he first joined us. Just like you were so willing to accept Alice and Jasper. You didn’t even turn them and you welcomed them faster and better than you did my mate. But a man who is caring, loyal and sweet deserves the cold shoulder for years, but not a human girl that is ready to throw away her family and her normal life. That makes a lot of sense.”

The room was silent after Rosalie’s words. Alice couldn’t be sure of Emmett’s treatment since she hadn’t been around at the time, but it was true that Jasper and her had been welcomed immediately and without fuss. They had arrived 15 years after Emmett’s turning and by then the big vampire had been fully incorporated into the family.

“Rosalie, it wasn’t like that. You need to understand that at the time you were barely 2 years old in vampire years, and your judgment wasn’t at its best. You still had the newborn mindset and-“Rosalie cut Carlisle off again.

“My judgment to save a dying man that called out to me wasn’t the best, but Edward’s choice to court a human and throw a temper tantrum when she might have died- because that is what human’s do- is good judgment?” Rosalie aggressively flipped her hair, “I think we should end the conversation here. The Volturi asked us to do something and I rather not get on their bad side, like some others.” Rosalie shot a pointed look at Edward before turning and running out of the house.

“I feel like I have a lot to apologize to Rosalie and Emmett about,” Carlisle sighed.

“What for?” Edward asked. “You acted as you felt best back then, it’s her fault for not being able to see if that way.”

“But is it not also my fault for not trying to see things her way?” Carlisle asked. “I found Esme the same way she found Emmett, dying, and my only thought was to turn her, to save her.  Surely Rosalie felt the same, and yet at the time I did not try to understand when I among everyone else should have been the most understanding.”

Edward shifted and turned away from the group. “There’ nothing you can do now. Just apologize and try to come up with a reason to get rid of the Volturi. They’re the ones who are causing all the problems.”

Alice nodded, agreeing with Edward. The Volturi were the ones causing problems, not them.

o.O.o

Demetri sped around the corner and felt relief when he saw Harry sitting and the Museum steps with the newborn Felix sent to protect him. At the sound of Harry’s excited chatter, Demetri felt better about trusting the newborn.

“No you will really like Volterra!” Harry cried. “You get your won room, but I share mine with Demetri, and you never go hungry, and everyone is really nice. Well not Jane. Jane is a bit mean. She likes to steal the humans I want to drink from. So I drop things on her head and she can’t get me because I’m too high in the air. But everyone else is really nice, and I think with your gift you could keep Jane away.”

“If you want we could team up and stop her from stealing our meals! It would be great! Sometimes Alec, her brother helps me, but since he’s her brother he can’t side with me all the time. Demetri has tried to get her to stop stealing, but she’s stubborn, and Demetri says that girls are always stubborn and can hold grudges for eternity. I believe that because Jane still hasn’t forgiven Corin for ruining her one dress and Corin can make people feel content.”

Demetri smiled. “Have you made yourself a new friend?” He asked.

Harry smiled. “I have. He doesn’t talk much but he’s friendly and kept those wizards away. They were following us until he did something and they looked like they completely forgot about us and left. I think Aro will really like him,” Harry explained.

Demetri nodded and motioned for Harry to get up. “We need to get back. I already called and made arrangements. Your friend will be sent ahead to Volterra, while we complete our mission.”

Harry nodded and skipped over to Demetri, looking happy at the current situation. It made Demetri smile that Harry was happy outside of Italy.

o.O.o

Rosalie waited in the living room for the boys to return. She had fun rummaging through Demetri and Harry’s room. She found several little eye drop containers, that probably explained Harry’s ability to cry, a list of things that annoyed them about Bella, the box that had notes of almost every excuse imaginable written down, and box of glitter. She had an idea of what they were going to do with that. She kept those thoughts out of her head though; she didn’t want Edward to know what they had planned for him next. Instead she occupied her time by comparing this year’s summer collections to their counterparts of years passed. Some styles have evolved, some were left behind, and new ideas were always forming. It was interesting to see the changes and compare them.

That reminded her though. She had seen a sharp purple origami dress that caught her eye, but the reason she spent more than a minute on the picture was because the model was leaning against a nice sports car. The car overshadowed the model; her forced facial expression was no match for the sleek lines and subtle promise of power and speed that the car exuded.

It got Rosalie’s mind thinking and she had researched the car and looked up the engine, looking at several different diagrams of the engine before mentally plotting on how to tweak it so that it could pump out optimum power. Then she planned how she could change the bearing so that it would perform better on the back roads of Washington, and she couldn’t help seeing her driving the car while wearing that stunning origami dress. Maybe not in a purple colour though. She looked far better in a nice deep red.

Rosalie was broken from her thoughts when an hour past sunrise the boys returned. All looking bloody and slightly battered. Rosalie was up and out of her seat in a flash and over at Emmett’s side, making sure that he was perfectly healthy. As vampires they may have super healing, but it didn’t stop the natural instinct to check over her mate.

“I’m fine Rosie,” Emmett tried to reassure her.

Rosalie frowned as she spoke, “yes well that’s fine and all but you just came back from a fight with newborns, I have a right to worry.”

Emmett’s eyes softened and he wrapped an arm around her. “It was tough but I really am fine,” he whispered. Rosalie felt slightly comforted by his words and leaned into him.

“I left the note on the counter near the coffee machine and the quilt is on the couch,” she told the others. Looking them over she quickly tacked on, “and in case you hadn’t procured clothes in Seattle I brought some too. They are with the quilt.”

Felix grinned and slapped a hand down on Emmett’s shoulder. “You picked a good one buddy!”

Rosalie glared at him. She picked Emmett. Emmett was just very lucky.  And so was she, kind of.

Emmett grinned and laughed, “What can I say? I’m just lucky like that.”

Alice sped through the forest and tackled Jasper, breaking the strange companionship between Emmett and Felix. The pixie vamp threw herself at her mate and Jasper caught her instinctively. “Are you alright? I couldn’t see anything and I was worried.”

Jasper merely nodded and started directing the group inside. His face was suspiciously blank.

Once inside the rest of the family joined them, and everyone was looking at the newborn tag-a-long.

“Who is this?” Carlisle asked.

Demetri stepped forward and took control of the situation, by completely ignoring Carlisle’s question and commanding Felix to take Harry upstairs to change, and telling the newborn to stop looking so surprised that he wasn’t burning to death. Once Felix took Harry away, Demetri was quick to shed his ruined clothing and slip into the clothes Rosalie had brought back.  He didn’t seem a tad bit shy about showing his body.

“If you were going to do that here, why did you send the other two away?” Edward asked as he averted his eyes. “

Demetri smirked at him before his eyes narrowed into menacing slits, prompting Rosalie to sit forward, looking forward to what the Volturi guard would do to Edward next. “First you check out Felix and now you want to see Harry naked? My my Edward, whatever will dear sweet Bella think of your perversions?”

Edward bristled. “I am not a-“

“Yes yes, denial is your favourite state of being, I get it. I don’t’ have time to play with you today Cullen,” Demetri cut off Edward. Rosalie couldn’t keep the smirk off her face. “Rosalie,” Demetri focussed on her, “you have been very helpful today, could I trouble you for one more favour? You will be rewarded for it.”

Rosalie didn’t hesitate to agree. She really had nothing against Demetri, minus the whole Volturi thing, but he seemed like a good vampire the way he picked on Edward and Bella. “What do you need?”

“I need you to take this one-“ Demetri pointed towards the unknown newborn,” to the airport. I already called Volterra and they will have someone waiting for him when his plane lands. He has the private jet waiting for him at the airport; he just needs to get there. Also please make sure he gets on the plane,” Demetri explained.

Rosalie didn’t think it sounded too hard. Escort the newborn to the airport, probably make sure he doesn’t kill anyone, and make sure he gets on the plane. “I can do that.”

“Great, now what do you want in turn?”

Rosalie did take a moment to think this time. Knowing the Volturi she could ask for anything and they could grant it. Not wanting for much at the moment, Rosalie reached over and ripped a page out of the magazine. She handed the picture to Demetri and the Volturi guard looked at it. “Which one? The car or the purple dress?” He asked.

Rosalie smirked at him. “Both.”

The corner of Demetri’s mouth quirked up, but then the half smile disappeared along with the picture. “Right, you,” Demetri regarded the newborn again, “what’s your name?”

The newborn seemed to freeze before slowly relaxing. “Fred.”

“Well Fred, I’ll see you in Italy soon. I would also like to thank you for taking such good care of Harry tonight. I have told Aro everything that happened and he is very excited to meet you,” Demetri said in a comforting tone. If Harry wasn’t changed, Rosalie would never have believed that a member of the Volturi could ever do comfort, but she had seen him interact with the little vampire. The scene challenged everything she had been taught about the Volturi. 

“I-I I’m glad to have helped.” Fred gave a faint smile before looking down again and seeming to shrink into himself.

“Wait a minute! You can’t recruit-AH!“ Edward’s words were cut off when a pile of dirty clothes landed on his head. A giggle was heard from above and Rosalie flicked her eyes up to see a floating Harry laughing at Edward’s predicament.

Demetri snatched the quilt off the couch and opened it while positioning himself under Harry. “Harry, sleep.” Rosalie watched as Harry closed his eyes and dropped down, landing safely in Demetri’s arms. Demetri wrapped him up and cradled him in his arms.

“We would love to stay, but we need to return to the Swan residence,” Demetri said as he walked past Rosalie. Rosalie watched him and smile when as he passed, Harry opened his eyes and gave her a cute little grin, showing off his baby fangs. “Remember boys, silence is golden.”

With that last ominous statement the three Volturi members were out of the house and gone. Looking around the room, Rosalie could see that her family were eager to question Emmett and Jasper, but the two were purposely avoiding eye contact and probably thinking inconsequential things. Deciding to take pity on them, Rosalie stepped forward.

“Okay Fred, I got a car to earn so let’s get going. Emmett darling, we’re taking your jeep so, and jasper you need to keep the newborn calm when he gets closer to humans. Outside, all three of you,” Rosalie commanded. The men didn’t argue as all three shuffled outside as fast as they could. Rosalie nodded in satisfaction followed them, feeling slightly powerful that she could control them all so well. She was starting to feel like the protagonist of this weird twisted drama.

o.O.o

Charlie had woken up to a quiet house. Most mornings he had been greeted with the soft giggle of Harry of the soothing voice of Demetri. Charlie had become accustomed to waking up to the boys, and a warm cup of coffee waiting for him. The lack of noise put Charlie on edge.

Rising slowly, Charlie grabbed his bathrobe and walked out of his room. He cautiously walked down the hall and opened the boy’s door, becoming worried when he saw it empty. Next he walked down the stairs and did a quick inspection of the first floor, only to frown at the lack of boys. He was about to leave the kitchen when he noticed a note near the coffee machine. Picking it up, he felt his worries leave as he read the simple note. Demetri had taken Harry and Felix to see the sunrise. That was sweet of him.

Putting the note down, Charlie started to make coffee, wondering when the boys would return. When the machine beeped, Charlie reached over and poured himself a mug as the front door opened. Smiling, He grabbed his mug and walked towards the front of the house, grinning when he saw Demetri enter carrying a sleeping Harry in his arms.

“Morning Demetri,” Charlie said softly.

Demetri turned to him and grinned. “Morning Charlie, I wanted to get back before you woke up but half way home this little guy fell asleep and I needed to carry him.”

“It’s no problem; you left a note so I wasn’t worried. How about you take Harry upstairs and then you tell me all about the sunrise when you come back down.”

Demetri agreed and quickly went upstairs while Felix volunteered to make breakfast. Charlie watched the scene and felt a warm feeling envelope him. It was nice to have kids around and to need to worry about what they did at night. Charlie was happy.

Shaking himself out of such sentimental thoughts, Charlie turned towards the kitchen, prepared to suggest the Felix put on some bacon. Bacon was the perfect morning food.

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of The Day**

Q: What do you get when you tick off Dracula?

A: A Vamp’s Ire

 

 

 


	14. Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Prong

 

Bella groaned as the harsh sunlight forced its way through her curtains and into her eyes. She used to love the sun, but now she hated it. She wanted it to always be overcast because when it was sunny she couldn’t see her Edward. Did nature have to be so cruel as to let the sun shine through? Couldn’t it see her pain and keep those rays of light forever hidden so that she may see her beloved Edward at school? The sun… the sun… it locked her away in a tower of loneliness and pain; its golden beams became her iron bars, and its light a torture unlike any other. She hated the sun.

Thinking of Edward, Bella couldn’t help wondering if this is what she was destined for, a vampire life filled with luxury? Well it would be if it weren’t for those nasty Volturi people.  Come on, did they really need to invade her life that? They were frustrating, annoying, and downright evil with their stupid plans to get her in trouble. If they weren’t here she was sure that by now Charlie would have forgiven her and she could be marrying Edward and they would be riding into the sunset as two vampires deeply in love with eternity stretched out before them.

Bella sighed deeply at her thoughts longing for such a romantic moment to occur. There would be plenty of things leading up to it though, with her faking her death so that Charlie won’t have to suffer the agony of thinking his daughter just disappeared, and getting the rest of the Cullen’s on her side. Rosalie would be a lot of work, but Bella was sure that if she got Emmett endeared towards her just a little bit more than Rosalie would follow. Jacob would be sad at the start she knew, but he would overcome the pain and maybe sometime in the future she could come back and visit him. He was a good friend and had been there for her when Edward took off, she didn’t want to completely lose him. But these were all thoughts and plans for later, as for right now she had to deal with Harry and Demetri.

Suddenly, a happy glorious wonderful thought struck Bella. Although she could not see her perfect Edward today, that also meant that she wouldn’t have to deal with the Volturi. The sun would surely send the duo into hiding it and she would have her first headache free day in such a long time.  The things she could do today without their interference! She could talk to Charlie and get him to revoke her grounding, and she could leave the house without a constant surveillance team.

Bella contently got out of bed and was walking towards her closet when she heard a knock on her door. Thinking it was probably Charlie coming to wake her up and inform her of the absence of the two pests, Bella opened the door with great expectations only to scream at the red eyes and long fangs that greeted her.

“Bells!” Charlie yelled as he came rushing to her, ready to defend her from any terror, only to stop in his track and laugh.

Instead of Charlie or some great beast, Harry stood on the other side of her door. His eyes were back to the vampire red they should be, his fangs were long, he wore a long black cape, but most importantly… he glittered, exposing his vampire status to Charlie. Bella just couldn’t believe him.

“Harry, I told you not to bother Bella so early in the morning,” Demetri lightly scolded as he stepped out their room. He too sparkled on a grand scale and Charlie took great amusement from it.

“What’s this now? You both look like disco balls,” said Charlie as he got himself under control.

Bella didn’t know how the pair was going to answer.

Demetri gave a nervous laugh and Bella leaned further out her door to listen. Would he really tell the truth?

“We were doing a bit of art this morning…” Demetri trailed off. Harry giggled and ran into their room only to appear a moment later carrying a big sign covered in silver glitter stating ‘Harry’s Evil Lair!’ Looking closer she could see a thick layer of silver arts and craft glitter coating Harry and Demetri’s hair and bodies. Bella felt some her previous hopes being dashed. Damn those two were smart and cunning on a whole new level of evil.

“Evil Lair eh?” Charlie bent down and ruffled Harry’s hair, causing a shower of glitter to rain down on the hallway carpet. “If you’re evil than is Demetri the good guy?” Charlie asked.

Harry grinned, showing off his impressive fake fangs. “No, you’re the good guy. Demetri is my minion.”

Charlie chuckled again but Bella couldn’t help glaring at the two. Honestly, Edward was in trouble for supposedly telling her about vampires but Harry and Demetri dropped hints after hints to her father and Aro was okay with this? But on the other hand she shouldn’t expect the Volturi to follow their own rules when they already broke the immortal child law by keeping Harry alive.

“Harry wanted to have a Dracula movie marathon today, and the only proper way to hold such an event is to dress up,” Demetri stated lightly. “We got the Dracula legacy collection on dvd and Charlie, I know you have the day off….Harry hoped you would join us.”

Those evil bastards ruined her plans again. If they hogged Charlie all day then there was no way she could get her father to drop his ridiculous punishment. 

“I would love to.” There it was…the one sentence halted any and all plans Bella had to talk to her father alone.

“For one who has not lived even a single lifetime, you're a wise man, Van Swan,” declared Harry dramatically followed by an evil laugh. Had Bella like children or Harry in general she may have found the laugh adorable, but since she didn’t she could only think it was ominous.

“Van Swan?” Charlie sent a curious look at the little vampire.

“I’m Count Harry, like Count Dracula but with a biting sense of humour, and Dracula’s enemy was Van Helsing, so you’re Van Swan, the vampire hunter with an iron fist for justice,” Harry explained theatrically as he flared his cape.

“Of course, that makes perfect sense,” Charlie agreed playing along with the child. “You’re Count Harry, I’m Van Swan, so Demetri is Demfield? Who is Bella?”

Harry scrunched up his nose in thought and Bella watched as her father’s eyes actually softened at the sight. He was completely taken in by the pair. Bella didn’t know how long she could take this. “Bella is…Frankenstein’s monster,” Harry stated seriously. “She is in the same universe as us but she never interacts with us, wanting to go off and do other things.”

Bella gaped at the little vampire. She was a monster? A small part of her cheered at his words because she knew that Charlie would not stand for her being called a monster. Charlie would finally see how evil the little vampire was and then he would take her side. It was an overwhelming feeling to know that Harry finally messed up.

Charlie gave a great sigh and Bella felt her suspense growing. “I can see how you would think that Harry, so why don’t we all try to get closer to Bella this weekend? We’ll take a family trip somewhere alright?”

What? That’s it? Harry called Bella a monster and he got a trip out of it? If Bella had called Harry a monster Charlie would be bending over backwards to scold her, probably lock her up again or set up another ‘maternal’ session with Rosalie. “He called me a monster and you’re going to let that go?” Bella demanded answers.

Charlie shot her a disappointed look. “Bella, Harry is still a child he doesn’t understand the effect of his words just yet. He only meant that you don’t try hard enough to get to know them. Maybe, if you spent some time with them and actually put an effort into getting to know Harry and Demetri -instead of getting away from them- then you might find them to be decent company.”

“I…I…” Bella didn’t know what to say. She wanted to tell Charlie she would never enjoy either of the vampires company, but then she would be telling Charlie about vampires and that would be reason enough for the Volturi to kill her…

“Can we go to La Push tomorrow? Bella mentioned it before and me and Demetri have wanted to go, but if we went alone then we might not be welcomed or we could get lost…” Harry asked.

Bella froze. They couldn’t go to La Push!

“Sure. I wouldn’t mind spending the day with Billy Black. Bella can show you the cliffs and beach. She knows a few of the residents so she can introduce you.” Charlie smiled, happy with the outcome, but Bella wasn’t. Vampires were banned from the reserve.

Harry cheered before running off, his cape flaring behind him and Bella could only think that it suited him; Harry’s evil little mind with an evil little cape and evil little plots hidden within it.

“Bella you better hurry up and get ready for school,” Charlie snapped her from her thoughts. Bella sighed and turned back into her room, preparing for a long and excruciating day. Without her phone she could not warn Edward or Jacob about what was going to happen tomorrow. Sunny days truly were the worst sort of day in her opinion.

o.O.o

They had just crossed the reserve line and Bella could already feel the wolves angry growls vibrating through her body. They sensed the moment the two Volturi crossed into their territory and none of them were happy. Charlie didn’t seem to notice as he sang along to the radio. The two vampires were sitting in the back, after Harry said he wanted to sit in the back of a police car, and Bella in the passenger seat, getting the full grunt of her father’s poor singing.

They pulled into the Black’s driveway and were greeted by Billy and what seemed to be the entire werewolf pack. “Quite the welcoming party, eh Bella?” Charlie joked as he turned off the car.

Bella didn’t respond.

As they all exited the car, Harry was quick to bounce up to Charlie and grin. “You’re a good singer Uncle Charlie! It was like a real live concert.” Bella grimaced at his words. The stupid little suck-up.

Charlie smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair, and another shower of glitter appeared.

“Charlie!” Billy Black cried. “When you said you were coming for a visit you didn’t mention you were bringing some guests…” Billy trailed off.

Demetri stepped forward and ran a nervous hand through his hair. Bella didn’t believe his act for a second. “Well we’re more Bella’s guests. Charlie wanted us to get along better and she always talks about La Push so she invited us here to look around.”

Bella flinched as the pack’s eyes turned to her and pierced her with accusing glares. Maybe she should just die. Run away, ask Edward to turn her, and together they could just leave Forks, and Washington, start a life somewhere else where the Volturi couldn’t destroy her life anymore. Maybe Vatican City… surely all the spiritual and Holy like qualities of the city would turn away the Volturi, their evil being unable to approach such a sacred place. Edward would be fine though, because Edward was all that was most right with the world.

“You kids get to know each other, Billy why don’t we go inside and have a beer,” Charlie spoke up. Unknowingly leaving her in dangerous waters.

Billy tentatively nodded his head, “Right this way Charlie.”

Once her father was inside Bella became hyper aware of her situation. There was a large pack of snarling ready to change werewolves, two sadistic vampires, and Bella standing in the middle. Keeping herself calm, Bella turned towards the two grinning incarnations of evil and asked them simply, “Why do you torment me?” She had a right to ask that, didn’t she?

Harry dropped his smile and in moment of pure seriousness stared Bella in the eye. “It’s what we do.”

That sealed it. She was done with this. She had tried to ignore it, she had tried to keep him safe, but she was at her limit. She needed them gone. She was standing at the edge of cliff with the Volturi ready to push her and she couldn’t take it! She will give them what they wanted.

“Jacob told me the Cullen’s were vampires!” She declared. It felt nice, like a weight off her chest to admit it out loud.

“Bella!” Jacob yelled as an abundance of noise blasted around her.

“Jacob!” The pack cried but the loudest voice and the most menacing was Sam.

“Jacob Black you didn’t!” The Alpha male roared as she advanced on her friend.

This is what the Volturi brought, complete and utter chaos.

 Bastards.

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of The Day:**

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?

A: It was a stake sandwich.


	15. And That’s All She Pronged

 

Demetri smirked at Bella’s words and the following outburst. It really was entertaining pushing the girl to her limit. Sometimes he wondered if he went too far, but then he brushed that worry off and reminded himself that he could never go too far. Alienating her relationship with her father, her school, and with the wolves were merely steps towards preparing her for vampire life. You can’t have such connections when you change, simply because you won’t remember them and you would probably eat them if they approached you.  Which would lead to some questions, some theories, and then the Volturi would need to swiftly deal with the curious gossip mongers that would start sniffing around wondering why a whole group of people died of ‘animal’ attacks, hunters, and those PETA people.

And he could tell you that animal activist’s blood was hard to get out of Victorian silk.

“What’s going on?” Billy roared as he wheeled out onto the front porch. His face was set in a hard look, and his eyes darted from the pack to Jacob and back again. Demetri admired the man for his ability to travel so fast in that metal contraption.

Demetri stepped forward and took charge of the explanation, ensuring that everything would flow as he would like. “Harry was merely wondering about the serious lack of shirts around here, and Jacob said a very nasty comment back… something about pale-skinned little people.”

Jacob looked ready to defend himself or maybe that was his ‘I’m-going-to-maul-you’ face, but Demetri cut him off as he spotted Charlie walking out. “You noticed it too, right Charlie? How many of these boys walk around half-naked, even when there are impressionable teenaged girls around.” Demetri shot a pointed look towards Bella, and watched as Charlie’s mustache turned down.

Bella gasped and pointed an accusing finger at him, but before she could say anything more, Harry stepped out from behind him, carrying his shirt in his hand. “Look Demi! I fit in!” He proudly proclaimed as he pointed to his bare chest.

Demetri mentally howled at the scene. Harry was grinning, Charlie looked upset, the pack was torn between anger and being dumbfounded, and Bella’s eyes were bugging at as she stared at Harry’s sparkling chest. Fuck, he loved his little hover bug.

“Harry!” Demetri acted flustered as he scrambled to get Harry’s shirt back on. “Don’t do that! You don’t know what type of people live in this country. Remember that talk about bad men that do bad things to little boys?” Demetri shot a glare towards the wolves, pretending to scold them for encouraging such behaviour in a young child.

Harry sniffled as his arms got caught in between his shirt. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to have fun with Bella’s friends.”

“Right…well…” Billy struggled to talk. “Jacob apologize to the kid for your comment!”

“But I didn’t do anything!” Jacob protested. “They didn’t say anything about shirts!”

Demetri scoffed. “First you insult a child and now you deny your actions? How low can one single being be? Next what are you going to do? Trick girls into kissing you? Run away to Canada? Maybe you should put all that effort into something useful like a clothing drive, because nobody wants to see you running around naked all the time!”

“Watch yourself! That was all uncalled for,” Billy thundered as he stood up for his boy.

Demetri looked chastised, and he slightly was. It was rude to insult a person’s child like that in front of them, “I apologise sir, but it’s just… I get to upset when someone thinks they can be mean to Harry. He’s only nine, he can’t defend himself.”

“Be that as it may-“ Billy started.

Charlie cut in before he finished, “Billy, why not just have the boys apologise. I won’t interfere with matters on your reserve, but I would like to encourage a serious discussion about appropriate conduct around children. A few angry words are nothing compared to the influence that’s being spread around.”

Billy grumbled for a bit but he relented. “Apologise all y’all!”

The group was silent until Billy slapped the side of his wheelchair and sent them all a stern look. Together they all mumbled insincere apologies but it was enough to satisfy the two men.

“To bad parenting wasn’t as easy as fishing, eh Billy?” Charlie asked with a  slight shake of his head.

Billy sighed as he turned his chair around and wheeled back inside. “Don’t I know it!” Charlie followed his friend, leaving the pack, Bella, and the Volturi alone again.

“Well this had been fun!” Demetri chirped. “Okay Harry, our job is done, time to go home.”

“Wait, what?” Bella asked. “Your job is done? Just like that?”

Demetri gave the girl a kind smile. “Yes it is. Harry and I were sent here to discover who leaked the vampire secret to you. If it were the Cullens then we were prepared to punish the family for breaking the laws that govern us, but since it was a werewolf we have no jurisdiction. His punishment, if there is cause for one, will be handled by his tribe. We now wash our hands of this matter, and Harry and I can return to Italy and our peaceful lives,” Demetri explained.

“So to be clear… if I had told you it was Jacob from the start, the last few months never would have happened?”

Demetri watched as the human girl swayed back and forth, looking ready to faint at the mere prospect that her life would have been infinitely more better had she confessed earlier. “I believe so. I can’t say that nothing bad or embarrassing would have happened to you, but anything we had a direct connection with could have been avoided.”

Bella spluttered for something to say, but nothing was coming out. Demetri decided to save the poor girl the pain of thinking and ended the entire affair. “It’s been fun, but we’re off now.” He didn’t bother saying goodbye, there was no need to have proper manners towards other creatures anymore. Instead he scooped up Harry and ran off and away from the wolves and the human girl.

He felt freer now that he accomplished the original mission.

o.O.o

Bella gaped. They were gone. Demetri and harry were finally gone! No more Volturi messing with her life, no more restrictions! She could reunite with Edward and not worry about her father showing up because Demetri and harry tipped him off. She could proudly walk the halls at school holding her boyfriend hand and not get pitying looks from her peers because they believed her to be too emotionally weak that she couldn’t leave her supposedly abusive boyfriend. They never said Edward hit her, they more implied he was mentally and spatially abusive. But now those looks and rumours would be gone.

She didn’t know what she should do first.

Should she call Edward and tell him the good news? But then again it would be better to deliver such news in person so that she may see the overjoyed expression on his gorgeous and god-like face. The only thing standing in her way at the moment was her need for a lift. She could walk to the edge of the reserve, and hope that Edward would meet her there, one of Alice’s visions telling him she needed to speak to him, but that would take at least 20 minutes of walking. She didn’t mind walking, but it was urgent she tell Edward to news immediately. Every second away from her precious Edward was like torture.

Looking at the werewolves that were fighting around her, Bella was tempted to call Edward and tell him to meet her here on the reserve. He could be here in the blink of an eye, but she didn’t have a phone. Taking initiative, Bella started stepping to the side slowly, quietly inching herself closer to Paul. She could see a phone sticking out of his pocket, and while she knew it was bad to steal, in her present predicament she felt justified in taking it.

Reaching out carefully, Bella plucked the device from the large werewolf’s pocket and scuttled back away from the group. They all seemed to be really verbally tearing Jacob apart, but Bella didn’t worry. Jacob was a strong kid, he could take it. She was sure that once the lectures were over, all she would need to do is explain herself to him and he would understand why she told on him like that. He was her friend, so he had to understand her love for Edward and how she needed those pesky Volturi members out of her life so that she could return to the perfect life she previously shared with her one true un-dead sparkling love.  Jacob was a good guy like that, he was her best-friend and she didn’t know if she could every truly express how much that meant to her. Jacob Black really was the most important friend to her, and she would definitely tell him that one day –just not today because today was all about Edward.

Dialing the number she knew by heart, Bella waited anxiously for the other line to connect. One ring, Bella felt her heart pick up pace. Two rings, her breathing quickened as she envisioned how she would deliver the news. Three rings and click-

“Bella?” Edward answered.

“Edward! I need to tell you something simply amazing. Can you come to La Push and meet me at Jacob’s house? You don’t need to worry about the pack, they’re fighting right now and won’t notice you if you sprint in and grab me.”

“What about Charlie?” asked Edward, his tone sounding unsure.

“Don’t worry about that, get here quickly!” Bella encouraged him.

The line went dead, and Bella closed the phone. Looking around and seeing the pack still surrounding Jacob, Bella put the phone on the ground and kicked it under Charlie’s car. It would look like Paul dropped it earlier, and he wouldn’t know she stole it.

The rustling of leaves was the only warning she got before she was being scooped up in Edwards arms and whisked away from the reserve to a more secluded and intimate place.  She felt the wind rushing past her face and with each none too gentle caress her worries and stress over the Volturi were left behind.

“What is it you needed to tell me?” Edward asked once he set her down in their clearing.

Bella wrapped her arms around his perfectly chiselled chest and spoke, “Demetri and Harry have finally left.”

“What? Like actually left? For good?” Edward looked completely stunned.

“Yes. I told them Jacob was the one to tell me about Vampires, so they said their job was done and left for home. Can you believe it Edward, we’re free. We can be together again.”

Edward smiled down at her, and Bella thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever seen in her 17 years of life. Nothing could compare to a smiling Edward. No god or great deity could compete against him, because surely they knew they would lose to the perfectness that is Edward Cullen.

“We need to tell my family!” Edward declared.

Bella nodded eagerly. After being thrown around Edward’s body and settling on his back like a spider monkey, they were off to impart their news on the rest of the Cullens.

If only they knew what awaited them.

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?

A: Long distance.


	16. Prong Prong Prong Your Fork, Gently Down The Steak

 

Bella was happy to cling to Edwards back as he ran them to his house. The utter joy they shared at the news of the Volturi’s departure was so great that after a very long cold kiss –that could have led to something more if Edward hadn’t pushed her away- they decided it was time to go home and tell Edward’s family the news. Bella considered doing that age old prank where you gather the family and tell them you have important news while rubbing the woman’s stomach, making them believe she’s pregnant before imparting the real news. But… considering Edward’s little swimmers where frozen dead, she doubted his family would fall for such a trick. Plus she didn’t know if she could pull it off, she was never really good at jokes and pranks.

As they approached the house, Edward slowed down and let her get off his back. Holding hands, they walked towards the house, only for Edward to tense as they got closer.

“Felix is here…” Edward muttered darkly as he glared at the house. “I thought he left.”

Bella frowned. “Does that mean your family will already know about Demetri and Harry leaving?”

“I don’t know… I’m trying to read their thoughts but they are all thinking nonsensical things to stop me. Let’s go inside.” Bell didn’t protest as Edward dragged her forward. She even ignored the few times she stumbled on the way back because nothing bothered her as long as Edward was with her.

Entering the house, the pair was stunned to see the living room completely changed. Gone were the designer furniture and tasteful décor. Instead, a gaudy podium, four chairs and writing desks, Three padded seat side by side facing the set up, and a large television occupied the space.

“What’s going on?” Edward demanded as he looked around.

With a large grin, Felix stepped into the room and opened his arms in a welcoming gesture, “Greetings!” he cheered. “And Welcome to the ‘Are You The Perfect Vampire Couple’ game show, with me your host, Felix Trebec!”

Bella felt a large amount of dread wash through her. Damn those Volturi.

o.O.o

Felix had been bored- very bored. In an attempt to overcome this obstacle while Demetri and Harry got to play with their pet human Charlie, he had switched on the television and stumbled upon a show. ‘The Newlywed Game’ had made him laugh at the silly human couples. It was hilarious to watch in his opinion, and at the exact moment one poor husband got flustered when asked his wife’s eyes colour, Felix had an idea. A slightly elaborate and time consuming plan started to form.

He would have his own game show. He just needed to wait for the perfect moment to play it.

Now here he was, waiting impatiently for Edward and his idiot human to get back so he could start. He had roped Rosalie and Emmett to play, set up the game area, and even designed a whole new format of the game which would bring about maximum humiliation.

When the pair did arrive, Felix could see their obvious confusion and he stepped in to get the ball rolling. Cue audience applause, opening music, and lighting…“Greetings!” He stated happily. “And Welcome to the ‘Are You The Perfect Vampire Couple’ game show, with me your host, Felix Trebec!”

Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme stepped into the room next and cheered as an audience would. Felix grinned at them and waited for them to take their positions as designated audience members.  Once they were set, Felix continued on. “Today we have two special couples with us, both hoping to win the grand prize. The first couple is a pair that is the envy of every human they cross; not only for their physical features but for the obvious love they share with each other. Please give a big hand to our first couple, Emmett and Rosalie!”

The audience clapped and cheered again, and in a moment of playfulness Jasper even cat-called. Rosalie glared at the empath while flipping her hair elegantly, while Emmett grinned at his brother. The duo took two seats on opposite sides of the room from the other, and looked to him patiently.

“Our second couple is one of a unique variety. One could even go as far to say that they are unconventional, but let’s be honest, in our world what isn’t unconventional?  Please welcome, Edward and Bella!”

The audience clapped, but the pair stood in place, staring at him. Felix narrowed his eyes at them. “Take your seats,” he sternly commanded them. He would not have the pair ruin his game.

Edward glared defiantly at him. “What are you doing here? What is all this nonsense? Shouldn’t you be on a plane back to Italy with the other two by now?” Edward asked.

“You may need to clarify, I’m not sure I understand,” Felix responded. He kept his thoughts blank.

“Bella told Demetri and Harry that Jacob was the one who told her about us being vampires. They said their job was done and were going home, so why are you still here when you should be somewhere over the ocean in a flying tin can?”

The audience gasped at the news, and then ‘ohh’d’ in anticipation.

“Oh!” Felix understood now. Silly Edward…”That’s simple. I’m on vacation. I was never given the same mission as them, so therefore I do not need to go back with them. I can spend all the time I want here, and right now, I want to continue with my game so get to your seats before I punish you both!”

Edward sputtered, but Felix didn’t care. Instead, he ran towards the pair and forced them to their seats. Once they were in place, Felix returned to his podium. “Now that both are couples are seated we can go over the rules of the game,” Felix said to the audience. “The rules are simple; there will be three rounds with five questions each round. You get two points for every correct answer and minus one point for every wrong answer. When I ask a question, you will write your answer on the white board provided and present it to the audience when I say so. You must answer truthfully, you must answer every question, and no talking to your partner and you better not cheat. This is a fair game,” Felix instructed. Rosalie and Emmett nodded, understanding the rules. He smiled at the pair as he saw the fierce look of determination settle in their eyes. They were a competitive couple.

“Okay, let’s get started. You will find your white board and markers in your writing desk.” Felix waited for everyone to get out their supplies. Edward and Bella stubbornly refused to move, and Felix sighed at the pair. The game would be no fun if they didn’t play along. Reaching under his podium, Felix took out a gun and aimed it at Bella. “Now would be a good time to get your writing supplies and participate,” he threatened.

Edward roared as he stood up and raced in front of Bella to protect her from the threat. “Did you really think I would let you kill Bella while I’m around?” Edward asked as he snarled at Felix.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Felix said as he pulled the trigger. He watched in satisfaction as the bullet went forward and hit Edward in the middle of the forehead, splashing pink paint over his face. “If I killed her, how would I be able to carry on my game? Now sit down or she will get painted.” Felix on the top of the barrel for added effect.

Edward growled as he tried wiping the paint off his face. His family laughing at him probably didn’t help his mood, but Felix didn’t care. “How dare-“

“Yeah, yeah, have your prissy temper tantrum another time; we have a game to play. You know for such a young vampire you are really a downer. I remember when I was your age I spent days partying, drinking the blood of royals, and having heavy and rough sex with every female vampire I could lay my hands on. You’re similar to an old man with erectile dysfunction- miserable all the time and always trying to ruin other’s fun as well. Now shut up, sit down and play or I will call Charlie and tell him exactly where his daughter is and return her covered in paint.” Edward was exhausting in his opinion and was ruining the mood of his game. He worked hard on this damnit!

Edward growled some more but finally sat down. “Now that we are all ready, writing tools out and we will start.” Felix waited for everyone to get situated and continued. “The first round will be questions for the males. I will ask you a question about your partner and you will write down your answer. The females will write the correct answer on their board. You will present your answer and explain why you chose that. After each explanation, we will see what the correct answer is when the female reveals her board. Understood?” Fuck, it was like talking to three year olds. Maybe he should have made an information packet and had each couple study it the night before so he could avoid all this useless explaining. But then again the game show hosts he had studied all had to explain the rules every episode, so maybe he should suck it up. Nah… he would make an information packet next time.

**Round One**

**_For the Menfolk_ **

_First Question_

“First question: What tool is your partner most handy with? A hammer, a drill, a tape measure, or a screwdriver?” Felix watched as Emmett grinned and quickly scribbled down his answer, while Edward frowned.

Felix took sick pleasure in knowing that Bella was the only mind Edward couldn’t read. It was why he knew his game would work out, because now Edward couldn’t cheat. When everyone was done writing, Bella taking a little longer than the others, Felix grinned at the audience. “Let’s see the answers, boys if you would.”

_Emmett -Drill. Edward- Hammer._

“Emmett, why don’t you explain first?” Felix prompted.

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. “It was easy really; I mean have you ever seen Rosalie change her tires? It’s like watching a pit crew at work. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom and bam! Tires changed and she’s ready to go.”

“Edward?”

Edward’s frowned got more pronounced. “Bella doesn’t need to fix anything, not while I’m around, but the hammer is the most universally used tool.”

“Let’s see the correct answers.” Felix gestured towards the girls to show their boards. Rosalie turned her and revealed ‘Drill’, while Bella’s board showed ‘I don’t know’. Felix grinned and took out his gun again and aimed it at Edward. In quick succession he shot Edward and Bella, covering them both in pink paint.

“Emmett and Rosalie get two points, while Edward and Bella get negative one. Oh… off to a bad start.” The audience booed in pity for the pair, only making Edward’s mood worse.

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 2) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total:-1)**

“Why did you shoot us?” he demanded.

“I forgot to mention that for every incorrect answer, you will also get a punishment. Better think your answer through more next time.” Maybe he could sell this game to a network? Someone would want to pick it up.

_Question Two_

“Next question: If you could make a romantic dinner for your wife, what would she like on the menu?”

 Edward looked more confident this time around and wrote his answer quickly.

“Answers please.”

_Edward- Mushroom Ravioli. Emmett- Doe._

“It was what she ordered when I took her to La Bella Italia,” Edward explained.

 “She will bite and scratch me if I catch a doe and don’t give it to her.”

“Girls?”

The audience groaned as Bella revealed ‘Cheeseburger’. Felix mentally cheered as he shot the pair again. Emmett was correct and they moved on.

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 4) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: -2)**

Felix looked at the scores, “Edward and Bella just need one correct answer to get them back at zero. Let’s hope this next question will be easier for the pair to connect.”

_Question Three_

“If trapped on an island, what could she not live without?”

The audience ‘oooh’d’ at that difficult question in appreciation. Felix trained them well. When the answers were revealed Felix laughed.

_Emmett- Mirror. Edward- Me._

“Rose needs to look good and the only way she can ensure that her palm leaf dress properly accentuates her figure is with a mirror.”

“Bella loves me. I would protect and feed her if we were on an island.”

“Boo!” The audience called after Edward’s answer. That was a cop out.

“The correct answers please,” Felix addressed the females.

Rosalie as expected had written mirror, and Bella wrote Edward. Felix felt a little sick at their sappy love fest. “And Edward and Bella return to zero points. Hopefully from this point on they will continue to gain points.”

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 6) Ed/Bella: +2 (Total: 0)**

_Question Four_

“What is the most she has ever spent on a pair of shoes?”

Bella looked uncomfortable at the question while Rosalie glared at Emmett daring him to get it wrong.

_Emmett- $2495 Edward- $50_

Emmett sighed as he showed his answer. “They were Jimmy Choo platform heels with Swarovski crystals. She’s never worn them, just kinda stares at them now and then.”

Rosalie sniffed. “Of course I wouldn’t wear them. I’m saving them for the perfect occasion. Their debut needs to be spectacular.”

“Moving on…”

“Well Bella wears converse a lot and those usually go for around $50,” Edward answered.

“Correct answers, please!” Felix watched the boards and smiled. “Emmett was correct with an answer of $2495 but Edward was wrong… Bella wrote $52.” The audience groaned. ”But he was close… should we give him the points? He did say around 50,” Felix asked them.

“Yes!” The audience called, all in agreement. Well weren’t they nice?

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 8) Ed/Bella: +2 (Total: 2)**

_Question Five_

“What is your partner’s favourite room in the house?”

_Emmett- Family Room. Edward- Her Bedroom._

“Rose likes the family room best because that’s where everyone gathers, and she’s a big ole family type of gal.”

Edward opened his mouth to answer but Felix cut him off. “I don’t think we need to hear your reason. So Scandalous… naughty naughty you two,” Felix chided them. Bella promptly blushed at his words while Edward glared, but Felix kept his game going.

“Women if you would please…” Boards turned, “And both correct answers. Well it seems that Edward and Bella were off to a bad start but quickly found their footing. That brings an end to round one. Please join us for round two after the commercial break!”

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 10) Ed/Bella: +2 (Total: 4)**

“Yeah! High-five babe!” Emmett cheered as he darted out of his seat and over to his wife.

Rosalie smacked his hand and together the pair grinned menacingly at their opponents.

Felix stretched and put down his cue cards. Taking out a glass of blood from his podium, he leaned against it and stared that the couples. “This is fun isn’t it?” he was quite enjoying himself with this. Not only did it endear him to the Cullen Coven, but he got to embarrass the human. Oh he knew they would eventually get some questions right, but he only planned for this to get worse the further they played.

Edward shot him a look. “I can hear your thoughts you know, and if you think for one second that I will allow you to hu-”

“And welcome back from commercial break!” Felix cheered as he put his glass of blood away and exchanged the pink paint bullets in his gun to purple ones. “The current scores stands; Rosalie and Emmett in first with 10 points, and Edward and Bella in last with only four. Let’s dive right into Round Two!”

**Round Two**

**_For the Wenches_ **

_Question Six_

“What colour is his toothbrush?”

Bella stared blankly at her board before hesitantly picking up the marker and uncapping it. Felix watched as she put the marker to the board, stopped, raised the marker again, lowered it, chewed on the end, brought it to the board and finally wrote down a word. If this was how it was going to go for every question, Felix felt like this game would go on forever. Never has five questions looked so tedious before.

_Rosalie- Pink. Bella- Blue._

Edward went to move his marker but Felix leveled the gun on him. “Don’t you dare try to cheat by changing your answer,” he threatened. “Show your board Edward, as is…”

Edward glared and slowly turned the board around to show that he listed several different colours. Felix fired off three quick shot hitting Edward on the nose, chin, and chest. “No petty tricks. You both fail this question.” For good measure, Felix shot Edward again before hitting Bella.

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 12) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: 3)**

_Question Seven_

Felix glared at Edward to remind him to play right, as he lightly tapped his cue cards on the podium.

“Next question: If your partner was lost what would he do? A) Stop and ask for directions, B) Ask you for directions, C) Stop and buy a map, D) pretend he wasn’t lost and keep driving?”

Bella repeated her process of almost answering, thinking, possibly writing something but then switching to chewing on something, and then finally putting the marker to the board. Felix sighed… he would need to speed this up a little.

“Answers!”

_Rosalie- B: ask me for directions. Bella- C: buy a map._

“Boys if you would.”

_Emmett- Ask rose.  Edward: ask directions._

*Splat! Splat!*

Felix grinned at the multi-coloured pair and moved on.

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 14) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: 2)**

_Question Eight and Nine_

“Let’s throw two together shall we? Question Eight: Where did he take you for your first official date? Question Nine: When it comes to the upper body would you say he is: A)Buffed, B) Puffed, C) Stuffed, or D) Not Enough?”

The audience all snorted when Bella turned her board over and Felix could see why.

_Rose: Bison Reserve, Buffed. Bella- a restaurant, buffed._

Felix decided to ignore her for now and looked at Rosalie. “Please explain.”

“Emmett took me to a Bison Reserve because he thought it was the closest thing a vegetarian vampire could get to a delicacy. And, I don’t think anyone here would argue that Emmett is not buff.”

“What can I say? I’m a romantic,” Emmett quipped.

Turning to Bella, Felix chuckled. “Buffed?” Dragging his eyes up and down Edward’s body Felix shook his head. “I think ‘Not Enough’ applies appropriately here. Boards boys.”

_Emmett- Bison farm, buffed. Edward- Here, buffed._

“Really? You think you’re buff?” Felix asked. He shot Edward again before he could retort, not wanting to hear the mind readers protests.  He couldn’t do anything about the points though, both answered the same thing.

**Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 18) Ed/Bella: -1 +2 (Total: 3)**

_Question Ten_

“What would your partner say is your least favourite topic to talk about? A) Sports, B) Politics, C) Weather, D) Other People?”

Felix watched as Edward tried to silently tell Bella to write Weather. He was mouthing the word and looking quite serious about it, but Bella merely stared back blankly before writing something down. Felix readied his gun.

_Rose: Weather. Bella: Other._

Well Edward seemed to fail. But to her credit she was close.

_Emmett: Weather. Edward: Weather._

*Splat! Splat!*

**Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 20) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: 2)**

**Round Three**

**_All Y’all_ **

_Question Eleven to Fifteen_

Felix jumped right into the last round. Hoping to wrap this up.

“Now inside your desks you will find a piece of paper with five questions on it. You will fill them out, hand them to me, and then I will ask them out loud and you have to write down your partners answer. This is a chance for you to double your points. Now please, fill out your quizzes.”

Once everyone handed in their quizzes, Felix started. “First question was ‘What is your dream job?’ What do you think your partner wrote?”

Emmett- Professional race car driver. Rosalie- Godzilla. Edward- Harlequin writer. Bella- pianist.

Felix tsked. “Emmett and Rosalie were both correct, two points each. Unfortunately, Edward and Bella are wrong. Bella wrote ‘Housewife’ and Edward wrote ‘Composer’. Negative a point each.

Felix changed his paintballs over to black paint and shot Bella and Edward twice.

**Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 24) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: 0)**

“What is your partner’s most irritating habit? I like this one… so what do you think your partner said about you?”

_Emmett: Joke too much. Rosalie: hates everyone too quickly. Edward: too good looking. Bella: none._

Felix shook his head at the human/vampire pair. They were ridiculous.

“Once again, Rosalie and Emmett get two points each, and Edward and Bella fail the question. Edward thought Bella’s most irritating habit was having to go home and Bella thought Edwards most irritating habit didn’t exist.”

Pulled out a shot gun style paintball gun and loaded it with blue and black paint to shoot the couple.

**Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 28) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: -2)**

“Who is the safer driver?”

_Emmett: Me. Rosalie: Him. Edward: her. Bella: Him._

Felix checked the papers. “Emmett said he was the safer driver so Rosalie is correct. Rosalie thought Emmett was the safer driver so Emmett is correct as well. That’s two points each. Bella thought Edward was the safer driver, so that’s minus one point. Edward thought Bella was the safer driver, so that’s another point gone. Your two’s sickeningly sweet love fest isn’t faring you well…”

**Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 32) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: -4)**

“If you could have any super power what would it be? Oh there are some interesting answers here… So what do you think they wrote?”

_Emmett: The Force. Rosalie: Godzilla Beast Mode. Edward: Vampirism. Bella: to read my mind._

“Well… Rosalie wrote that she wants to be able to use the force so she can force choke all the ingrates. Two points for Emmett and let’s hope that never happens. Emmett wrote that he wanted to be able to transform into Godzilla like Bruce Banner can change into the Hulk. Two points there. Edward wrote he wanted x-ray vision…” Felix sent the mind reader a sly look. “Oh? And what would you see through? Bella’s clothes? So naughty… this is a family game. And finally, Bella wrote that she wished for the power to be invisible? Is that to keep Edward from seeing your dirty knickers?”

Bella blushed, Edward growled, and Felix moved on.

**Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 36) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: -6)**

“Last Question… “ Felix started. “Imagine you are a vampire and your chosen mate was human. The only reason you are attracted to them is because they are your singer and you can’t read their mind. Knowing that you have a hundred years apart in terms of age, and most people would call you a paedophile…”

“That’s enough! That last question is completely-” Edward raged before getting cut off with a paintball to the mouth. He spluttered and spat the paint out, as Felix closed the game down.

“Well folks, looking at the current tallies I don’t think we even need to answer the last question. With an overwhelming victory, Rosalie and Emmett win!” The three audience members cheered as Rosalie and Emmett took bows and hugged each other.  “They win an all-expenses paid trip to Italy!”

Edward stomped over to Bella and took her hand. “Come Bella, I will get you some clothes so you can shower and change,” He reassured her. Felix stepped in before they could leave though.

“I regret to inform you two but the punishment for losing –with a rather impressive score at that- is that you will have to walk around the rest of the day as you are.”

Edward huffed and turned towards him, gesturing to his clothes. “We’re covered in paint! We look like walking bruises with these colours!” he hissed furiously.

“Well that works out nicely since most people consider you two walking eyesores anyways. If you didn’t want to suffer the consequences then you shouldn’t have agreed to play the game,” Felix argued.

“But we didn’t! You forced us to play the game!” Edward yelled.

“Oh hush now. No one can force you to do anything if you don’t want to. Now accept your punishment and congratulate your brother and sister. They’re going to Italy you know.”

Edward glared, stomped his foot and let out an aggressive sigh as he looked around the room.  Before he could argue further though, Felix grabbed his and Bella’s arms and stopped them from moving. “Now just wait here patiently because I believe we will have a very important guest soon.”

The Cullen’s all looked at him questioningly, but Felix ignored them as he looked towards their driveway where a car was starting to drive down. The police cruiser was very recognizable but what shocked his paint covered pair was the little bouncing ball of undead in the front seat, gesturing wildly as he told the police chief a story.

“Harry?” Bella gaped. “But I thought he was going back to Italy!” She yelled.

Felix laughed. “You really think Harry and Demetri would leave that easily? They have two very well established aliases here. They couldn’t leave without Charlie worrying and filing missing persons reports. No, they merely waited for you and Edward to run off, while I distracted you with this game, so that they could inform Charlie that you fled to the Cullen’s house again. Let’s see how Charlie’s punishes you next!” Felix cheered.

Just then, Charlie got out of his car and looked through the window to give Bella a very disappointed look.

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?

A: In bite sized pieces !


	17. Pronging Down The Forky Trail

 

Awkwardness, and small undertone of simmering anger, filled the Cullen’s living room. When Charlie arrived, Bella barely had time to blink before Felix had cleared away the television and other game show paraphernalia. As Charlie reached the door, Felix was opening it and welcoming the man while the rest of the Cullens settled the living room in super speed. By the time Charlie sat down on the couch, the room resembled its former glory, minus the dumbstruck Bella in the middle.

“Sorry to intrude like this Doctor,” Charlie apologized, his gaze never leaving Bella.

“It’s quite alright Charlie, I knew you would be by soon,” Carlisle answered. He knew, realistically that when Felix showed up in their home with some grand scheme, that it would not end well for his eldest son and his girlfriend. When Felix kicked Alice out of the house and cryptically told her that she still had a mission to complete, that it really wasn’t going to end well. But… then Felix pitched his game idea, including a very excited Rosalie and Emmett, and Carlisle didn’t have the heart to object. Things between him and his two children had been strained since Rosalie’s outburst about his preferable treatment of Edward. He wanted to fix that and if this game would help mend the fence, he was going to participate -he did, and loved it. It was fun to see the answers, to watch people get hit with paintballs, and more importantly see his children playing together.

“We seem to be meeting a lot like this… and I don’t know if it’s because of my daughter or your son, or something else, but these children just don’t know how to follow rules and stay away from each other,” Charlie stated bluntly. “I’ll tell you right now that I won’t stand for this anymore. Bella, if you step one more toe out of line I will have you shipped right to military school.”  

“Military school?” Bella finally came back to herself.

“Well it’s better than sending you back to your mother’s. At least there you might learn to respect the rules set down, and show what you can do and accomplish on your own, without the need for a boyfriend. You’re a smart girl Bella, which is why I don’t understand your need to be so dependent on Edward. I don’t know who you are, Bella, all I see in my mind is the sweet little girl I raised and then it jumps to this…” Charlie gestured towards his daughter. “Who is this person that’s living in my home? All I know about you is that you’re dating Edward, you love Edward, you want to be with Edward. I know more about Edward than I do you. I rather know that I put a young woman in the United States Military Academy where she will learn drill, dress, and deportment, then to continue sharing my home with a weak and ignorant girl with no ambition.”

Charlie stood up quickly and marched towards the door. “You know what; I’ll give you a choice. You can come with me now and promise to obey my rules while accepting your punishment gracefully or you can stay here. Stay here as long as you like but if you step on single foot into my house, you will be off to military school. I don’t care about late admissions, or extra fees because I will find a way to send you right then and there. So make your choice.”

Carlisle watched the entire scene in surprise. He knew Charlie was getting fed up with Bella’s constant disregard to his rules, but he didn’t think he would go this far. But maybe it would be for the best. He knew without a doubt that Bella would choose to stay here, which would break Charlie’s heart, but if Bella were ever to become a vampire she needed to sever that connection anyway.

Charlie opened the door and looked back, his eyes stern and focused. “What will it be?”

Bella bit her lip and shuffled foot to foot, looking as if she were contemplating the decision which only hardened Charlie’s face. “I know that hesitance isn’t about whether to come home or not, it’s about how you will tell me you are staying. I know I leave a lot to be desired in the father department, but I didn’t think I was so bad that you wouldn’t even show a shred of sadness over our situation. Goodbye Isabella.”

The Volturi were cruel murdering creatures that thrived in despair and bloodshed, Carlisle knew this to be a fact, but the moment Charlie walked out that door and Harry rushed to the officer and offered him a sincere hug of comfort, Carlisle couldn’t help but think that they weren’t so bad. He could only watch as a heartbroken father was led to the back of his own car and helped inside, while a Volturi guard sat next to him in comfort. He watched as Demetri stopped scheming and gloating for a moment to give the man a pat on the shoulder and then climb behind the wheel to take the broken man home. Those two, whose only goal had been to mercilessly torture a human girl, where doing more for Charlie than the Cullens ever could, and that was like a punch to the gut.

The Cullens always acted and talked about how they were better than the Volturi morally and culturally. They told themselves that by feeding on animals they were better than those monsters hidden under Italy that feasted on tourists. But were they really? They had torn a young girl away from her lonely father and didn’t even care. They ripped the Swan family apart for their selfish desires, and not quickly like the Volturi did when they simply killed people, no… they dragged it out over months, watching as Charlie was hurt more and more and yet they encouraged Bella. Were they really better than the Volturi in any way?

Looking at his family, Carlisle couldn’t help as another truth sunk in. Maybe it wasn’t his family that was in the wrong but simply him, Edward and Bella. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were all standing in various spots glaring at the couple in question, all looking disapproving to their actions. Esme, his dear sweet heart, was off to the side looking confused and worried. He was the head of this family and he hadn’t stopped Bella from sneaking off to see Edward, he didn’t stop Edward from going over to Bella’s every night, he didn’t discourage them when Charlie talked to him last… He hadn’t done anything except give Bella hope that one day she would be a vampire, and wasn’t that the main issue here?

Bella wanted to be a vampire, and when Carlisle allowed his family to discuss it democratically, he unknowingly told Bella that it was possible.  What human on this earth, would think that school and friends, and even their families, were more important than becoming a vampire? Every human was born with curiosity. It was what the Volturi preyed on. The tourist wanted to experience something new, something they couldn’t see in their original home towns, so when a pretty woman or handsome man steers them towards Italy’s catacombs they are intrigued. Their curiosity perks its head up and tells them to explore the catacombs, to learn its secrets. Once they pay the tour fee, they are signing their death certificate and that’s what Carlisle did to Bella and Charlie. The moment he allowed Bella to sit in on the meeting about her mortality, he signed the death certificate on her Father/Daughter relationship.

 “I think we need to have a family meeting about this… can someone call Alice?” Carlisle asked as he rubbed his eyes.  He needed to set things right, to redeem himself in some way because as it stood, he didn’t feel like he had any right to lead this coven if he was so blinded to the world around him. First with Rosalie… then Edward and Bella… now innocents were getting hurt.

“A meeting about what? Bella moving in with us? I don’t think anyone would object, right…” Edward looked around the room, waiting for his family to support his statement, but no support was coming.

“Edward, I think we need to have a family meeting about this.” Carlisle was firm on this. They would talk as a family, and if no solution was found, he would make the decision and lay down the law. “I’m sorry Bella, but would you mind leaving us for a while. You can go walk in the forest, or go into town to get something to eat. This is a discussion just for the family.”

Bella spluttered while Edward was quick to argue that Bella was just as part of the family as any of them were, but Carlisle wasn’t going to argue about this. “No,” He stated firmly and looked Edward straight in the eye. “I said it was just for the family and Bella needs to leave. She can borrow your car to go get food, and then when we are all done talking, you can call her and ask her to come back.”

“You know…” Felix integrated himself into the conversation, bringing awareness back to his presence, “Bella left quite the mess back at the reserve. I bet there’s a certain little wolf that would just love to have a long and meaningful conversation with her about knife wounds on the back. Bella, when you plunged that sharpened piece of metal into your friends back, was it to the left of right? Or did you aim for the centre so you didn’t seem biased to either side… but knowing you… you probably kept away from his heart so you could drag it all out instead of ending it with one fell swoop right? I mean if eddy boys leaves again you will need your pet wolf there to comfort you…”

Carlisle sent the guard a glare. He didn’t appreciate his input. “Felix, if you wouldn’t mind-“

Felix grinned as he cut Carlisle off. “Oh I don’t mind at all. I think I will go and buy a couple pounds of honey garlic wings, some boxes of greasy fries, and a 24 of beer. That should help Charlie tonight as he sits at home, thinking about his daughter that abandoned him, listening as a new piece of his human heart breaks off every minute that Bella doesn’t go rushing back inside with an apology. Should be more fun than this place.”

“Felix…” Carlisle ground out. “Just go, please.”

Felix gave one last cocky little grin and wave before he was out the door and gone from their sight. Seeing him leave though, only put more pressure on Carlisle shoulders as the fact that their choices tonight could mean that Bella was turned, or she died. If the Volturi learned that they didn’t plan to turn her, they would kill her for knowing their secret. But if they did, would Carlisle’s family ever be right again? Her mere presence split them down the middle, would her inclusion do worse?

“Someone call Alice, and Bella, please leave. You can stay here tonight, but tomorrow and the day after…”

“Carlisle!” Edward protested.

“Edward be quiet! I have tolerated your behaviour long enough. It stops here. Do you even know what your actions have done? You brought a human into our home. You made us move away when you got scared. You went to the Volturi to die and brought their eyes down on this whole family. You brought them here to Forks, interfering with our lives, and you have ripped a family apart because of your selfishness. I’m sorry Edward, but from this point forward all major decisions will be discussed as a family.”

“I’ll call Alice,” Jasper offered before he left the room to make the call elsewhere.

“We’ll go set the table or something…” Emmett said. Grabbing Rosalie’s hand he started to pull her into the other room.

“What are we going to set?” Rosalie whispered harshly.

“I don’t know…I just wanted to leave the room, I couldn’t keep staring at Edward and Bella without laughing at them.”

“Emmett, this is a serious moment!”

“Then maybe they should change!”

Carlisle sighed and tuned the two out.  He would talk to them later. Looking at his eldest and his human girlfriend, Carlisle let out another sigh. “Maybe you two should change first…”

o.O.o

Jacob was having a terrible day.

It started out well enough. He woke up and ate a big hearty breakfast with his dad, he worked in his garage for a few hours, had lunch with the pack, and then Bella called and said she was coming. That made him happier than anything else, because he missed Bella. Just seeing her face made everything seem lighter.

But then things went downhill. Bella had brought two leeches with her, and not just any two, no; she brought the two that had given the pack diarrhea. At least with the Cullens they never provoked the pact, preferring to live in their part of town. But the two new ones weren’t following the treaty, and stepped on their reserve for a second time. Sam and the others had been around, ready to attack once Charlie was gone. They wouldn’t dare expose their secrets to the police officer.

Jacob thought that would be the worst of it, but he was wrong.  The big leech dared to make fun of them, and then the little one mocked them by removing his shirt. But the worst part was that Bella had told the vampires and his pack that he had been the one to tell her about the Cullens being vampires.  Now he was stuck in Sam’s kitchen, while his alpha stood in front of him furious.

“Why? Just tell me why first,” Sam demanded.

Jacob looked away and stayed silent. He knew he was in the wrong but he stood by his choice. He never told her outright, merely pointed her in the right direction and gave her a large push. He stood by it though. But he knew that no matter what he said, the answer wouldn’t appease Sam.

“What was going through your mind? How could you betray the pack like this?” Sam asked harshly.

Jacob’s eyes narrowed at the accusation. “I never betrayed the pack!” He argued. “I did what I thought was right. Bella deserved to know what she was getting involved with!”

“If she did or not doesn’t matter. The point is that you did betray us,” Sam yelled. “We are descended from spirit warriors, born to protect our land and people. We created the treaty with the Cullens to ensure a more peaceful life for those on this reserve, and you deliberately went against it. You know the treaty states we cannot tell any non- native about the Cullens being vampires. You know this and you still told that girl. Is she native? Is she your wife? No! She’s none of that. She has no connection to our reserve and has no reason to know. You betrayed us when you told her and broke part of the treaty.

“Do you know what this means? If the Cullens so chose, they can come on out reserve, they can feast on humans, they can kill without worrying about us, because you broke the treaty! You, Jacob Black, knowingly informed Bella Swan and broke the treaty your ancestor Ephraim Black created.”

Jacob grit his teeth.  “Our job is to protect, and that is what I was doing. I was protecting Bella!”

“No, you were fulfilling your own selfish desires. We all know that you love Bella, that you wish you could imprint on her, but it won’t happen. Not once have the Cullens told the white’s we can shift, not once have they spilled human blood. They kept their end of the treaty, and yet you shamed us by breaking our end.”

“What did you expect me to do? She was hanging around a blood sucker!”

“Control yourself. I expect you to control yourself!” Sam roared.

Jacob shot the alpha a glare. “Like you’re one to talk about control.”

Sam’s face fell immediately, all fight leaving his body. Jacob continued to glare at the bigger wolf, knowing his words cut the man deep. The sound of light footsteps walking away from the kitchen alerted Jacob to the fact that his conversation hadn’t been as private as he first thought, and guilt finally started to settle in. He had only meant to hurt Sam, but if his guess was right, Emily had heard his words too.

“I think we’re done here,” Sam whispered. “I am going to your father to tell him about happened. Then I will call a meeting with Carlisle Cullen and apologize for your foolishness and see if I can smooth things over and keep the treaty intact. It may seem like a small thing to you, telling Bella, but a treaty is a treaty and even breaking a small part of it is a serious offense.”

Jacob watched as Sam walked out of the kitchen, stopping briefly to whisper to Emily in another room. The older man had worked hard for the pact and the reserve. Doing everything he could to protect it, even when it was him alone. Was Jacob in the wrong? Was Sam right?

It didn’t feel wrong telling Bella, but… Sam accused him of betraying the reserve. He never understood the importance of the reserve. It was just a shitty piece of land that his people were forced to live on when the white people took over and didn’t want to see them anymore. A lot of people left the reserve when they could, not wanting to live in such poverty.

Before he shifted, Jacob always felt like he was trapped on La Push. Trapped by the tales his father told him about his ancestors Kaheleha, Taha Aki, and Taha Aki; three Chief’s that put their tribe and people first. Defending what was theirs. His father always told him that the land belonged to no man. The land was the Creator’s, and the Creator was letting us live on it. His ancestors fought for a place to live, but not to own.

Jacob never cared to listen, only thinking the stories as an old man’s ramblings. He never believed the stories about man shifting into wolves, but then he learned of the vampires and saw one for the first time and he wondered. Maybe the tales were true. But he still never connected to the land. It was still just dirt and stone to him. Then Bella came, and he couldn’t stand for the girl he used to call a friend but now loved to be near such filthy creatures such as vampires. Him telling her about vampires was breaking the treaty, but what did it matter? There were no wolves to protect them anyways.

Then he shifted, yet all he wanted was to kill the Cullens. He wanted them gone so that Bella would stop focusing on Edward and look at him. Then all this happened, and yet Jacob still couldn’t bring himself to care or see things from Sam’s point of view. In Sam’s eyes, and probably the rest of the pack’s, Jacob did wrong. But he still believed he did the right things by telling Bella. It’s just that Bella didn’t fully understand the implications of getting involved with vampires.

He couldn’t even be mad at her for telling on him, because the only reason she betrayed him was to protect herself, and Jacob stood by that. He betrayed his pack to protect her, and she was just doing what he would have done. Protecting Bella was the most important thing, and his pack just didn’t see that. In fact, they betrayed him in a way. A pack was supposed to support a fellow wolf, yet none of them supported his love for Bella. Just because he hadn’t imprinted on her yet, didn’t mean that they should just ignore the girl he was in love with.

Feeling righteous fury over his pack’s betrayal, Jacob stood up and walked out of Sam’s house. Let Sam fix the treaty and talk to the village elders, Jacob Black was going to continue his pursuit of Bella Swan!

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Q: Why are vampires easily fooled?

A: Because they are born suckers


	18. Prongs-y

 

Demetri chuckled as he dropped a blanket over a passed out Charlie. The living room was a mess. Harry and Demetri had arrived home baring buckets of fried chicken, some cases of beer, and sacks of nachos and dip. Charlie had grumped to himself for a while but then Billy Black showed up. The man was right furious with his son and had requested for one of the rez boys to give him a lift to the policeman’s house.

Together they were a pair of grumpy old men, both disparaging over their difficulties with their children. Jacob had apparently insulted the whole tribe and didn’t show any remorse. Billy felt guilty and ashamed about his son. He had tried to raise him right, bring him up with their culture and tales but his son had gone a different route.

Charlie went on and on about how this had to be Renee’s fault. If Bella had grown up with him, she would have learned to value herself and be independent. With Renee and her man-hoping ways, all Bella learned was to depend on a man. Then he went on to say that if Bella never had a daughter, she would probably learn the same lessons.

Then together, they both complained about the Cullen’s. Sure some were fine, after all neither had a thing against the good doctor. But Edward, Rosalie and the hyper one all grated on their nerves. The boy was a menace. He crept outside young girls windows; he was controlling, and had no respect for authority. The blonde one was always looking down on everyone. The small hyper one was just too much to be around. She bounced from place to place and always had this knowing smirk on her face like she knew a secret.

When they finally ran themselves dry with complaints both men had fallen asleep on the couch.

“They sure had a lot to complain about,” Harry commented as he put a blanket over Billy.

“You do that as you age. Caius is the same way, just walks around muttering to himself. He thinks we can’t hear when he complains about us but we do.”

Harry nodded his head before tilting it in thought. “Maybe he wants you to hear…” He suggested.

Demetri grinned. “Probably.”

They busied themselves cleaning up the mess the two men made when Harry started floating. Feeling a smirk work its way on his face, Demetri snatched his little partner out of the air and carried him upstairs. “What’s on your mind, Harry?” He asked.

Harry giggled and used both his hands to cover his mouth. “I was thinking of helping both men down there. They obviously need to punish their children…” He trailed off.

“And how would you propose we do that?”

Harry giggled again and then leaned forward to whisper into Demetri’s ear. The older vampire laughed out loud at the suggestion. “I think that will be perfect.”

 o.O.o

The Fork’s Women’s Association met every Saturday evening at the local church. They liked to organize small events for the town, trying to keep things a little exciting. It was also nice for them to just get out and enjoy themselves with some friends, leaving their husbands at home.

Tonight they had a small misfortune. The lovely glass container they used to hold their punch had been pushed over by a sudden gust of wind in the church, smashing it to pieces. They had all loved that container; it was a beautiful piece of glasswork.

Not to be let down, they had pooled together all the change in their handbags and decided to send out a few of the more energetic women to fetch some refreshments from the nearby pharmacy. Three of them set out, and entered the store, intent on their mission when they got sidetracked by a small boy standing by the condoms.

“Oh my, what is that young one doing?” Abigail asked.

The other two turned at her exclamation and both gasped at the sight. “Well I never…” Susan let out.

“Where are his guardians?” Charlotte asked while looking around the store for another adult.

Abigail decided that it was best to steer the boy away from such an inappropriate aisle. “Excuse me, sweetie, where are your parents?” She asked as she approached.

The boy turned towards, showing her messy black hair, bright eyes, and an adorable face. He frowned slightly and his bottom lip jutted out slightly. “My mommy died…I live with my Uncle Charlie now,” he told her.

“You poor dear,” she sympathized. “And where is your uncle?”

“Uncle Charlie was very tired so he’s sleeping on the couch. I was going to play games with Demi but then my cousin’s boyfriend called and asked me to do him a favour…” He trailed off.

Abigail had a moment of enlightenment. This little boy was the newest addition to Chief Swan’s house. The women were all in a tizzy at the news. Mrs. Cole from down the street had told them about the new residents and they had talked long and hard about whether they should welcome the boys with some nice home-made cakes. They decided that they would send two as representatives from the F.W.A, but every time the women approached the house something was going on to deter them.

“Are you talking about Bella’s beau Edward?” She would admit she was a bit nosey… they were rumours about the two.

The boy happily nodded. ”Yeah Edward called and said he needed a big favour!” The boy’s voice dropped. “But he said it needed to be a secret and I couldn’t tell anyone.”

Abigail held a gasp in. Looking around it wasn’t hard to gather what the secret was. Those two young things were sexually active! Or were about to be? But how could that Cullen boy be so crash as to send a little boy to make his purchases? If he was going to have sex than he needed to man up properly and buy the protection himself. If he couldn’t do that than he needed to keep his willy to himself.

“I think that was very mean of Edward to send you out like this to run his errands. We’ll take you home sweetie, and you can tell Edward to purchase such items himself,” Abigail told the boy.

The boy’s face fell. “But Edward said that he couldn’t get them since then him and Jacob would be found out…” He explained earnestly.

Abigail couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It couldn’t be… “Where’s Bella, dear?”

The boy scrunched up his nose in thought. “I think she went to Seattle with Alice tonight…”

Abigail stood up straight in anticipation. This was the juiciest bit of gossip to hit Forks in a long time. It was time to get this boy home so she could return to the church. She was saved however when a frazzled looking young man ran into the pharmacy and straight to them.

“Harry! I was so worried when you left the house with only a note. What prompted you to come to the pharmacy?” he asked.

Harry, the boy, ran to the man’s arms and hugged him. “Edward told me to go get him condoms but not to tell anyone,” he explained.

“Well Edward can go screw a cow for all I care, but you will not run any more errands for that vile boy!” The man declared.

Abigail watched the scene and seeing that it was wrapping up she slipped away and rejoined the other two. “Let’s hurry ladies; you will never guess what I just learned.”

When the group returned to the church, Abigail was quick to tell all the other ladies that she learned that Edward Cullen was cheating on Chief Swan’s daughter with another boy no less. It wasn’t hard to figure out from there that the ‘Jacob’, Harry spoke of was Billy Blacks son. Mrs. Cole then spoke up saying that she did see Charlie looking overly morose earlier that day and then noted that Billy had come over looking upset as well. Maybe they both found out about the affair.

More theories were brought up and when the meeting was over, all the women went home and quickly spread the news to their families and other friends. By morning the news that Edward Cullen and Jacob Black were in a gay love affair was all over town.

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of the Day**

Why can't Dracula sleep at nights?

-His work is draining!

 


	19. Bon Voy-Prong

 

It was a long family meeting. Not the longest, but still lengthy. They had sent the entire night, the morning, and well into the afternoon discussing everything. Finally, when Carlisle announced the final verdict, every Cullen was ready to just get out of their house. 

Alice had been anxious during the night. She told them that a vision was just on the edge of her mind, but it kept escaping. She couldn’t tell if it meant anything good would happen. Edward, very bluntly pointed that it probably related to the Volturi and their brat of a vampire, which meant nothing good was to come.  Rosalie had laughed and calmly replied that while nothing good happened to Edward, her and Emmett had been having a grand ole time with the little vampire. A fight ensued, and it only ended when Carlisle punched the dining table, splintering the poor furniture piece down the middle.

They took a break after that to clear the ruined table, and Edward took the time to call Bella and told her that they were still talking. His girlfriend had been a little short with him. She had been driving around Forks aimlessly in his car, bored out of her mind and tired. Scared that she would get into an accident since her fatigued state wouldn’t help her response time any, Edward suggested she use the extra cash he kept store in his car to go and rent a motel room. Bella sighed and whined but complied in the end.

After that they reconvened. Only to be surprised…

_“Personally I think you should just kill her,” a voice spoke from the shadows._

_As one, the Cullen clan turned and snarled at the corner. Felix smirked as he walked out and gave a little wave. “Ello, lovelies!”_

_“What are you doing here, Felix?” Carlisle snarled at the vampire._

_“Oh you know, just dropping in to see how you’re doing. It’s an exquisite night out tonight. I heard that the charming ladies down at the Woman’s Association were in a right tizzy tonight. I even heard a special event is happening tomorrow.”_

_Carlisle sighed and massaged his forehead. “Felix, we are in a family meeting. Please leave.”_

_“Go,” Edward growled at the guard. “Your opinion is not wanted or needed here.”_

_Felix gave him a smirk and walked further into the room. “I was just offering some friendly advice. It would be better to just kill her and be done with it. Is she really worth it? If you change her you would be  splitting up over this human girl. But if you kill her…”_

_Edward growled again and was getting ready to lunge at the interloper._

_“Edward, stand down!” Carlisle snapped. “Felix-“_

_Felix held up his hands to ward off the vampire’s next statement. “I’ll be frank with you all. I’m giving you this one piece of advice in good faith. Harry likes two of you, so it’s the least I can do. Kill the girl and you will be better off for it.”_

_“You lie! You just want us to kill Bella so that we don’t grow bigger than the Volturi and take down your twisted empire!” Edward yelled._

_Felix sneered at him. “Listen you ignorant child, we don’t fear you. We tolerate your existence and allow you all to live simply because we need to focus our energy on more important things. You think you’re so important? You think we live each and every down twiddling our thumbs and wondering if you will attack us? We don’t._

_“You think Aro sent us here because that bitch’s turning is actually important? It’s not. We just finished stamping out a rebellion in China, exhausting our forces, and straining our resources. It took two years for us to capture and kill every last rebel. Demetri and Harry were the team leaders, they spent months out of contact, unable to feed because if they took one human life it could aggravate the situation worse and expose our existence to the world. As the earth ages the human’s technology expands. One wrong step and vampires could be revealed. The humans would shudder in fear and find ways to wipe us out. That is what we do. We keep you and every other vampire on this earth safe from the humans, are efforts ensure that you can continue feeding off animals, interacting with humans, and move when you want to._

_“We are here simply because Demetri and Harry needed a vacation to unwind and relax so that the next time a vampire thinks they can overthrow us, or create a newborn army; we will be in perfect condition to fight them. Could you do what we do? No, and we know it, which is why we don’t fear you. You are all nothing but cowards, running away from your true nature and feeding on animals. You had problems with one vampire, Victoria. There are seven of you and you couldn’t handle her. You couldn’t stop her stalking your precious human, you couldn’t stop her from creating a newborn army- you couldn’t do it. You needed us to solve your problem. If you couldn’t handle one whiney bitch, how could you ever handle taking over Volterra? If you killed us that is what you would have to do because if you didn’t, than by killing us you would have killed every other vampire out there because there would be no one to govern them. You think we’re monsters, but you know nothing. So don’t sit there calling me a liar, thinking I actually care whether you turn your pathetic human pet.”_

_The Cullen’s sat there stunned, utterly shocked from the guards words._

_“But if you really didn’t care, then why does Aro want Alice and Edward so badly?” Esme asked, being the first to find the strength._

_“Simple. Having someone who can see the future would aid us in discovering rebellions before they start. It would cut our workload down significantly. Having a mind reader with us during missions would make it easy to pluck the whereabouts of rogue vampires out of the captives head, instead of bringing them back to Aro for him to read them. They would make our work easier, but they aren’t necessary. We have managed this long without such gifts and will manage in the future,” Felix explained._

_“If you don’t care about us, then why do you hate us?” Edward asked. His bravery was remarkably resilient._

_“Because your loose lips cause problems. All of you go around telling other vampires that the Volturi are evil, that we know nothing but blood-lust and how to exert our false sense of superiority. Did you think that those you told would just keep such words to themselves? No. They go around and spread it, igniting fury in other vampires that crave violence. It takes but one vampire to hear your self-righteous speech and decide that they don’t want to live under such oppression. So they plot, and the scheme and they gather other weak-minded fools to them and start a rebellion. They believe they will be the revolution, ridding the word of the malicious Volturi, and instead instilling fair government. Or there are the ones that hear your words, saying things like we fear you or your size. Then get power hungry and they band together, thinking that if they gather a dozen vampires they can take us in and then the world of vampires will bend under their thumb. We hate you because you speak without thinking and we have to stamp out the fires you create.”_

_The room was silent._

_“Not so talkative now are we?” Felix jeered. “Well, glad we had this talk, but I have places to be.” The Volturi member reached down and picked up a duffle bag at his feet. Without a goodbye, he was gone, leaving the Cullen’s in a mass of turmoil._

The silence was only broken when after a minute, Emmett came out of his stupor and frowned. “Wait, was that my bag he had?”

That set the family off, and suddenly they had more things to discuss besides Bella. They needed to think about who they talked to about the Volturi, whether they needed to reconsider their opinion of the organization. Carlisle had sat down and took a long time to think over his time with them and had to look past his distaste of human blood, before seeing a light. Mournfully, he had told his family about the times that the Volturi had indeed done good, and then suddenly all his memories were being looked at objectively.

Edward got frustrated with his family for concentrating on Carlisle’s memories and snapped. He told them they could look back and reflect anytime but currently Bella was holed in in some rat infested motel and they needed to all agree that they would turn her so she could rightfully join the family.

Rosalie protested, Emmett agreed with her, and Jasper had shaken his head and told everyone that he wasn’t sure that was the best course of action. Alice had bounced in excitement and supported Edward, while Esme had frowned and looked sadly at all her children.

Some more arguing followed, and at one point Jasper had retrieved a marker and used the blank dining room wall as a white board to write down all the pro’s and con’s of having Bella in the family. Insultingly, the pro column had less points than the Con column, and Edward firmly blamed that on Rosalie. The blonde had gotten into a groove and listed fault after fault, until Emmett had finally shut his wife up with a poorly timed joke.  Edward was less than impressed.

Now finally, after all that time and a near 24 hours since he sent Bella away, Edward was free to see his wonderful and beautiful mate. Carlisle decided that family vacation was in order, and Bella would join them to see if she could persuade the family into accepting her completely so they could change her smoothly. If she couldn’t… they would decide that later.

Taking out his phone, Edward dialed a well memorized number.

“Bella,” he whispered as soon as the call connected.

“Edward! Are you finally done? Can I return to your house?” Bella asked.

“Yes, but before that I feel like I should treat you. You have been left alone for so long because we couldn’t stop talking, I want to see you and have you all to myself for a while before I bring you back here.”

Bella giggled over the line and the sweet melodious sound brought a smile to his face.

“I’ll be there soon,” he promised. Hanging up, Edward made sure to change his shirt and put on some cologne that Bella liked. Leaping out his window, He left to retrieve his one true love.

But it wasn’t to be.

 As Edward dashed through the town, a few stray thoughts caught his opinion. They were about Bella, and they were mixed with sympathy, and scandal.

Hiding, Edward leaned against a building and listened as a group of women walked by.

“It’s completely true. I went by the motel this morning and sure enough there was his car.  Right next to it was that native boy’s little fixer upper.”

“An affair! I can hardly believe it. I wonder how the Cullen family will react. They really seemed to like the Swan girl but after this…”

“Condoms she said! He was standing there in the drug store and he told her he was buying condoms for Bella’s boyfriend. Sending a child to do that is downright disrespectful!”

“Teenagers these days don’t know how to keep it in their pants. If they can’t get it from one bed they are ready to jump to the next.”

Edward was shocked. How could this be… Bella was cheating on him with Jacob? No, that couldn’t be right. There had to be a logical explanation for why Bella and Jacob were staying at the same motel, at the same time. There had to be a reason why these women thought Bella’s boyfriend –which was him, thank you very much- was buying condoms. There had to be a logical explanation and the only one Edward could come up with was that Harry and Demetri were behind the whole thing. That had to be it.

Determined to find answers, and momentarily forgetting about Bella and all the drama from the day before, Edward switched direction and went straight to the Swan residence.

He was lucky that his targets were out on the front lawn, loading boxes into the back of Demetri’s car.

“What did you do?” Edward demanded.

The pair looked bemused, but Edward didn’t buy their act for a moment.

“How dare you go around and spread lies that Bella is cheating on me with Jacob!” He snarled. He advanced towards them, his steps heavy with aggression.

“Bella’s cheating on you? That’s a surprise,” Demetri responded.

Edward focused and dove into the vampire’s thoughts and stumbled back in shock when he learned that Demetri was honestly surprised by his declaration.

“You…you…” He struggled. “You mean you didn’t spread the rumour that Bella was cheating on me?”

Demetri laughed and with a smug grin answered. “No. I did not spread a rumour saying that _Bella_ was cheating on _you_.”

“But… but… the people in town…” This wasn’t right. They had to have spread the rumours. It was the only thing that made sense. Bella would never cheat on him. Those women were misled. They really didn’t see Jacob and Bella together at the motel, they couldn’t have. They really didn’t hear about Bella’s boyfriend buying condoms because if that were true, then someone else was calling themself Bella’s boyfriend and that wasn’t possible. Bella loved him. Bella was completely, 100% dedicated to him and him only.

Edward stomped his foot like a petulant child –of course he didn’t see it like that- and refused to believe such an outrageous lie. “You had to have done this!” he whined. “It doesn’t make sense otherwise.”

Harry, little non-floating Harry, walked forward slowly and used both his small hands to hold one of Edward’s. “We really didn’t do this, but if you want to know, then maybe you should go talk to Jacob. You can read his mind and will be able to learn the truth from his thoughts.”

Edward stared at the pint-sized guy for a moment before pulling his hand away. The petite vampire was right. He could just snatch the truth from Jacob’s mind in a moment and have this whole thing settled. Bella would never cheat on him, and he would learn why Jacob’s car was at that motel. There was a logical reason, and he would learn it.

Running away, Edward didn’t bother to look back and see the twin looks of glee on the Volturi member’s faces.

o.O.o

Harry watched as Edward left, and turned to his partner. “We better hurry up and get this thing set up, he will not be happy when he finds us next.”

Demetri nodded and loaded the last box into the car. “True… but I wonder… how did the rumour twist into Bella cheating on Edward?”

Taking a moment both thought on it, but couldn’t come up with a reason.

“Well let’s go, we shouldn’t leave Felix waiting.”

Together they got into the car and drive off to their next scheme.

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of The Day**

How do vampires begin letters?

Tomb it may concern.


	20. Stop! In the name of Prong.

Jacob could honestly say that living on the reserve could indeed get worse. Before he hated that there was barely anything to do here, besides head to the beach or play in the forest. They didn’t have arcades or movie theatres on La Push. They didn’t have diners, or nice clothing stores. They really only had a few tobacco shops, a gas station, and some souvenir shops. Nothing exciting, but now, now that the whole pack was mad at him- life was worse. 

He liked changing into a wolf. Sure he hated it at first, thinking he was some sort of freak, but now not only could he accept that he was special, but it also gave him a sense of brotherhood he never had before. Yes, he was close to Embry and Quil, but it wasn’t until they were a pack, going on hunts and connecting their thoughts that the full force of family hit him. But now he couldn’t change. One of the pack members was always on guard, patrolling the border and if he changed he would hear them. He would hear them berate him, hear them think about how he shamed them, hear them think about how he threw everything away for some stupid girl that he didn’t even imprint on.

So it was with great enthusiasm that when his father asked him early in the morning to run some errands for him, Jacob agreed and set off immediately. Errands meant he would drive into Forks, and get away from the overly oppressive air that clung to his house.

Things were going great and he was about to return home when his car broke down. He was driving, a bit distracted, when he hit a pot hole he would normally avoid.  Hearing some bad noises happening below, Jacob was fortunate enough to be able to steer his car into the motel parking lot.

Jim, the motel manager, came out as soon as Jacob took the key from the ignition.

“What’s going on here?” The man asked curiously. “I heard a crack.”

Jacob didn’t have a problem with the man. He was a nice guy and all, but they never really talked before.

“Not sure, I hit the pot hole,” Jacob explained as he climbed out of his car. Getting down, Jacob peered under his car only to curse. His luck was shit.

“Think I cracked the axel.”

“Well isn’t that a damn shame…” Jim mumbled.

“I’m going to need to get my dad’s truck to tow it back home. Do you mind if I leave her here until then?” Jacob asked.

Jim gave him a smile and shook his head. “Yeah it’s no problem. Not like I’m busy and need the parking spot. Just take your time, young man.”

Jacob smiled at the man. “Thanks. I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

Reaching inside the car, Jacob pulled out his dad’s medication and pocketed it. It would be bad if someone decided to rob him and they took off with it. There wasn’t anything else of worth in the car so he just waved to Jim and took off. At least the walk home would delay his return even more. And he had an excuse so his dad couldn’t be too upset with him.

o.O.o

Edward ran to the motel, intent of grabbing Jacob by the throat and ripping answers from his mind. How dare that stupid feral beast lay his filthy rotten paws on Bella.  Edward’s mind was a mess of volatile rage and revenge plots.

When he reached the motel, the parking lot was empty except for his car. A small glimmer of hope that Jacob never was here entered his mind. Maybe the women in town were delusional. Maybe they were seeing things, and his Bella, his dear sweet lovely Bella, never cheated on him with a filthy mutt.

Seeing the motel manager, Edward approached him. He would ask this man first. “Excuse me sir,” He started.

“How can I help you?” The manager asked.

“I was wondering if Jacob Black was here.” Edward got straight to the point.

He could hear the man’s thought on Jacob burst from his head. _‘Ah Jacob… what a nice boy’, ‘Poor lad… at least he left with a smile on his face’, ‘Hopefully he’ll be back soon’._

“He was, but he left about 20 minutes ago,” the manager said. _‘Don’t know how he’s going to explain the situation to his dad though. Billy should have taught him better than that…’_

“I see…” Edward grounded out. “Thank you sir.”

Edward pulled out his cell and dialed Bella.

“Edward!” She sounded happy.

“I’m outside right now,” He stated emotionlessly.

“I’ll be right out!”

The called ended, leaving Edward seething.

When Bella did appear her hair was wet from a shower. The scent of generic shampoo and conditioner hit his nose and he scrunched it up in distaste. She showered to cover the dog’s scent. He couldn’t smell any traces of Jacob on her clothes, but then again they didn’t need clothes for what they did together. Bella was smart, she would know exactly what to do to avoid getting caught.

“Car. Now,” He snapped out.

Bella looked visibly shocked and hurt, but she complied and got in on the passenger’s side after returning her room key. Edward snarled and got in his car, ready to take her home and tell his family exactly what he learned. He spent hours fighting with his family to keep her and the whole time she was shacking up with Jacob Black.

Edward started the car, switched to reverse, and was about to leave when a stray thought from the manager came to him.

_‘What a rude boy. But what can you expect from a teenager who is cheating on his girlfriend with another man. I wonder what Jacob sees in him…’_

No! No, he couldn’t have been so horribly wrong! He needed to test this.

Pulling out of the parking lot recklessly, Edward narrowly avoided a car carrying two men about to pull up to the motel. He barely cast them a glance as he shifted gears and sped towards town.

Driving to the grocers, Edward handed Bella some money. “Bella, go inside and buy something to eat. We don’t have any food at home,” he explained.

He watched as Bella walked into the store and focused on the people hanging around outside.

_‘Poor dear… She probably knows her boyfriend is unfaithful and that’s why she looks so miserable all the time.’_

_‘I thought she hit the jackpot getting the Cullen boy… apparently not.’_

_‘I wonder if she ever watches them? That would be hot.’_

Edward was disgusted with their thoughts. While he thought it was Bella cheating, the whole town thought it was him. Thinking back on everything he heard, it made sense that they would be talking about him. After all, why would they think Bella was cheating when it was his car parked beside Jacob’s.

Then his encounter earlier came back to him… _‘I did not spread a rumour saying that Bella was cheating on you._ ’

Of course! Those Volturi bastards were behind this! It was one thing to imply to everyone that he was an abusive partner, but to go as far and concoct a story were he would ever willingly touch Jacob Black was absurd. He was physically repulsed but the mere sight of the boy, how could he ever touch him sexually? He couldn’t even smell the boy without going into fights of violence, wanting to kill him. The whole thing would have been laughable if he wasn’t so pissed off at the Volturi.

 

He was semi-right from the start, but they used his own words and fears against him to wiggle out of trouble and distract him. Thus making his lose faith in Bella, and act recklessly. No, he would go back there and demand retribution. He would make sure those two left his town for good.

o.O.o

Felix sauntered into the mall and looked around for his prey. Walking towards the more girlish shops, he spotted a group of four teenaged girls giggling over a store mannequin. He recognized one from Forks, and smirked.

Target acquired.

“Hello ladies,” He said charmingly as he approached them. “What are you four up to on this fine day?”

The girls turned to him and giggled and blushed as the first spotted him- bashful school-girls, what a delight.

“If you’re not busy, would you mind spending some time with me?”

The four giggled some more and nodded, all obviously too shy to speak.

“Perfect.” Felix grinned.

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of The Day**

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?

Count Duckula


	21. Shot Through The Prong

 

The house was empty. Edward knew that Charlie was working, but Harry and Demetri were also gone. He pulled into the driveway, forcing himself to hold back from slamming the steering wheel in frustration. Bella was silent beside him, sending him confused puppy dog looks. That calmed him down a little. Looking around, hoping to see a clue as to where those filthy undead bodies of bad luck disappeared to, Edward caught sight of a piece paper sticking out of the mailbox. Looking closer he used to advanced vampire sight to see his name written neatly on the outside.

Growling, he knew this had to be a trick or something; Edward stalked up the porch steps and ripped the offensive paper from the innocent mailbox. Opening it roughly, Edward growled again as he ripped it in half. He didn’t care about though because he barely restrained a bellow of frustration at what he saw. On the paper was a crudely drawn map with directions to the next town over. There was a giant arrow pointing at a building with the message ‘We Are Here’, and beside that was a smiley face, drawn to mock him. 

He contemplated going straight there, just running to see what they had waiting this time but he couldn’t just leave his dear heart Bella in the driveway. No, instead he would complete his original mission to retrieve her, drop her off at his house and then go deal with these pests of the Volturi.

Climbing into the car he calmed himself down so he wouldn’t frighten his sweet pale Forks angel.

“What’s on the paper?” Bella asked.

“A trap,” he responded.

“Trap?”

“Yes, they are up to something again…”

He peeled out of the driveway, barely missing the neighbour’s mailbox and took his bright-eyed beautiful mate home. He stopped briefly to explain to his family what was going on and Emmett declared he had to tag-along. Edward didn’t want him to though… he was still upset with the big vampire for turning his back on the whole Bella situation. His protests didn’t matter in the end since Emmett just followed him through the woods. Edward was fast, but Emmett was a hunter and didn’t need to be right on his tail to know where to follow. It was annoying.

The got the building and spotted the parking lot full of cars. The voices inside were buzzing but neither of them could make out what was being said since there were so many people in inside.

“Should we go in?” Emmett asked.

Edward grumbled. “Of course, we can’t wait for them to come out here.”

Together they entered through the front and were greeted by Felix at a registration desk. He had a cash box, some bid cards, and a laptop to input information. Seeing them enter the Volturi guard smiled wide. “Welcome! Would you like to register for the auction?” He asked.

“What auction?” Edward growled.

Emmett didn’t seem to share his attitude as the big lumbering idiot eagerly walked forward to register. “Sure!” He cried as he pulled out his wallet. “What do you need? Do you accept credit cards?”

“I just need some photo I.D and we do accept credit,” Felix acted all professionally as he filled out Emmett’s information in a blink of an eye. “Here’s your number if you see something you like just hold it up to bid. All bids are final and you need to pay before you can remove any won items from the property.”

Emmett grinned and bounced slightly in excitement but Edward wasn’t buying this act. He knew there was more going on.

“You arrived just in time actually, the auction is about to start.”

“Sweet!” Emmett cheered and then proceeded to drag Edward towards the show room. The nerve of the idiot!

They entered the room to find it packed full of girls, women, and some men. They were all buzzing in excitement and anxiously staring at the stage where a podium stood with a gavel waiting on top. They were whispering to their neighbours, and a group of teenage girls were giggling uncontrollably near them. Edward looked at them for a fraction longer than he normally would and discovered that they attended his school. Actually, looking around he found that there was a fair amount of Forks High School students there and some of the town’s residents too.

Before he could identify more, the side door opened and out walked Harry and Demetri. Harry was dressed in a nice suit, and walked up the stage and climbed up on a box to look over the podium.

He smiled sweetly to the crowd, prompting a few coo’s from the women before he started. “Welcome everyone to today’s auction. A reminder that all sales are final, you need to pay before you leave, and please no fighting.”

Edward saw Demetri duck back to the side entrance before wheeling something out that was covered in a black cloth. He pulled the cloth off and Edward couldn’t stop the low growl that escaped. Underneath the cloth were mannequins wearing the Cullen’s clothes. He could see his own favourite grey cardigan with a pair of black trousers. He spotted one of Rosalie’s dress and matching heels. There was a doctor’s coat with Carlisle’s name sewn on the breast, a skirt and blouse from Alice, and a t-shirt and pair of boxers that looked like Emmett’s.

Emmett the moron actually smiled at the sight. “Hey, those mannaquins are looking good,” he whispered.

“They stole our clothes!” Edward hissed.

“First item on the block will be Emmett Cullen’s shirt,” Harry started. “He wore this shirt last week to school, and even has a smudge of paint on the back from when a student spilled her painting supplies in the hallway when he walked by.”

Demetri pushed the Emmett mannequin forward and gestured to the clothing piece to highlight which top they would be selling, like the audience couldn’t figure it out.

“Bidding will start at 10 dollars,” Harry announced.

“10!” An eager fan yelled out as she flailed her bid card in the air.

“15!” another yelled, and soon the room was filled with several screams from wager teen girls bidding on Emmett’s shirt. 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, and 70 dollars were quickly thrown out. Harry managed to keep track and was pointing to each bidder until one girl screeched louder than the rest. “100 dollars!”

The other bidders went silent and collectively glared at the girl.

“100… going once… going twice… and sold!” Harry banged the gavel. “Winning number is 52.”

Demetri quickly wrote the winning bid and number on a sticker and stuck it on the shirt.

“That was an exciting first item but please remember that we do have many more pieces to sell today. Next we will be auctioning off Edward Cullen’s cardigan. This piece of clothing is one his favourites and he can often been seen wearing it in the cooler months.  We’ll start the bidding at 10 dollars.”

Emmett snickered when there wasn’t a flurry of bidding like the one that happened for his shirt.

“10 dollars, I’m looking for 10 dollars…” Harry announced.

A single bid card went up, and Harry smiled. “10, I’m looking for 15, 15 dollars.”

Another card went up and the bidding went slow before his cardigan was finally sold for 45 dollars. The whole process inspired Emmett to laugh quietly. “My fans love me more,” he whispered.

Edward had enough and stalked out of the hall to confront Felix. “What is the meaning of this?” He hissed.

Felix sat back in his chair in smiled. “It’s an auction of course.”

“I can see that, but why are you selling our stuff?” Edward took a threatening step towards Felix, hoping to intimidate the other vampire.

 “Simple supply and demand,” Felix explained.

“Supply and Demand? These people demanded our stuff?” Edward was completely flabbergasted with the whole thing.

Felix nodded. “Of course, what else would Culleners want?”

“Culleners?” What the fuck was that?

“No… Culleners sound wrong… Cullenites? Yes, I think they call themselves Cullenites.”

“I don’t care what they are called, who are they?” Edward demanded.

“You don’t need to be so rude…” Felix lightly reprimanded him, but Edward didn’t care. “Cullenmites, or whatever, are a group of people who worship you Cullens. They even have CullenChurch every Sunday, they pray to an altar of Carlisle’s Loins and Rosalie’s hair. They made up their own prayers, which is basically just the Lord’s prayer but with injections of how fabulous Jasper’s hair looks and how strong Emmett is. At one point they even believed in one great divine lord called the CullenLord, but I think even they knew that was going too far.”

“That doesn’t make any sense…” Edward shot back. Surely Felix was just playing with him again.

“It really doesn’t, I mean anyone who has heard your story once would know that you all claim to be adopted so there is no reason to worship Carlisle’s loins. They don’t even work anymore.”

“No not that! Why is there a religion dedicated to us?” Edward demanded.

“I couldn’t say. Maybe they just like you’re pretty smile? Maybe not your smile…. You don’t smile a lot. You are very broody…maybe you should wear more yellow? But you know having your own religion really helped with this auction. I just had to approach a few young girls, talk about the auction, ask them not to tell anybody else, and so naturally they told everyone they knew which got back to the Cullenhards, they spread it and I think we’re going to have a very profitable day.” Felix trailed off.

The fact that Felix refused to act serious about the situation angered Edward more. Here he just found out that the Volturi stole his family’s possessions, were selling them, and that there was apparently a cult following his family. This was a very serious in his book and the bastard in front of him just played it off as nothing and made jokes about him wearing yellow.

“Is this fun for you? Destroying lives? Driving people to the brink of insanity so that they want to kill you?” Edward asked.

“Yes,” Felix answered simply. “It really is.”

“Oh fuc-“

“Tsk tsk tsk,” Felix cut him off. “WWECD?”

“What the hell does that mean?” Edward demanded.

“What would Edward Cullen Do? It used to be a very popular saying with the Cullenists, until all those nasty rumours about you abusing your girlfriend started. Poor thing… you looked like such a nice boy until some rude person started spreading those.”

Edward was dumbfounded. “You started those rumours. You and Demetri, and Harry. You spread those lies!” Edward accused.

“We did not.” Felix protested.

“You did!” Edward responded.

“Hmm… no I don’t think we did.” Felix countered.

“Yes you did. You lot showed up and ruined my life! People think I abused Bella, people think I’m sleeping with Jacob, people are thinking the worst about me all thanks to you and that demonic duo in there!” Edward stated as he gestured wildly towards the hall doors.

“I think I know what’s bothering you,” Felix started. Edward let out a groan of frustration. Felix simply refused to actually admit to anything and he knew what he was going to say next would only piss him off more. “I think you’re just upset that your fan club isn’t as large as Emmett’s. It used to be bigger though… then something about you being gay and 110% unavailable and wow… those girls just flocked to Jasper and Emmett.”

“I’m not jealous of Emmett!” Edward cried.

“I never said you were jealous… just upset. But I can understand why you would be,” Felix tried for a comforting tone, but all it really did was make Edward want to strangle the other vampire.

“I’ve had enough of this!” Edward declared. Turning around he stalked back inside to reclaim all his family’s stuff only to be met with the sight of Emmett posing for pictures and with a now autographed Emmett shirt that just sold.

“You take care of that, alright?” Emmett told the girl who looked about ready to faint. “It’s one of my favourites. I got it up north about two years ago. I saw this giant grizzly and I stalked it for a bit and I passed this little town. In the gift shop was this shirt and well it seemed like fate really.”

Edward looked at the shirt and sighed. The shirt was in fact a shirt Emmett got two years ago. It was a light grey with a brown bear on the front with the title ‘Everything’s Better Grizzly’. Rosalie hated it, Emmett loved it, and now it was in the hands of some 15 year old girl with Emmett’s signature.

“What are you doing?” Edward asked.

Emmett smiled wide and walked over to slap him on the back. “Brother! You won’t believe it but this girl bought my shirt for $250! It’s today’s record so far. Isn’t that great?”

“No! No it’s not great, they are selling our stuff!” Edward hissed.

Emmett laughed. “Well they are selling my stuff. So far only your cardigan has gone. Anyways it’s fine, I signed a form saying they could do it.”

Edward glared at his brother. “You signed a form? When?” Edward demanded.

“When we arrived. Felix had me sign it when I was registering. It’s a good thing I did though, register I mean, they tried selling one of Rose’s favourite pair of shoes… trust me she wouldn’t have liked it for those to go.”

“I don’t like that any of our stuff is being sold off,” Edward protested.

“It’s fine Eddy boy. I mean no harm no foul right? Harry is going to attend this super school for special kids in Seattle, so they need to raise money to pay for the tuition. We’re doing a good deed here.”

“You are so stupid some times. Harry doesn’t need money, neither does he need to go to some special school. What Harry needs, is to be torn limb from limb and set on fire!”

A loud gasp off to the side caught their attention. A group of three girls were watching them in the one in the middle was clutching Edward’s beloved cardigan. The girl looked devastated for a moment before her face hardened and she stomped her foot. Brandishing the cardigan the girl glared at Edward. “Oh yeah? Well you know what Mr. Edward Cullen. This sweater needs to be torn to pieces and set on fire! How dare you say such a thing about a precious little boy like Harry?” the girl didn’t bother waiting for a response, instead she stormed off with her two friends trailing behind.

Emmett whistled. “You screwed up there.”

“I did not screw up!” Edward protested. “She just doesn’t understand the situation, and why does her opinion matter? I’m done with this… I just can‘t handle any more shit today. I’m going home,” Edward declared.

It was the day from Hell and it wasn’t even lunch yet.

 


	22. Newton’s Third Prong

Edward contemplated the durability of piano wire. Would the wire be able to slice a head clean off, or would it break? If he was going to seriously contemplate setting a trap to end the Volturi’s reign of terror he wanted to be sure that his plan was fool proof. The last thing he needed was a botched homicide attempt to add the list of ‘Things to Torment Edward With’.

He knew he couldn’t take all three vampires by himself, and he really didn’t expect any help from his family. They all made their opinions clear when they couldn’t all just agree to turn Bella. Alice might help, and if her gift worked around the child vampire it would perfect, but it didn’t and she probably wouldn’t want to get on the bad side of her mate and Carlisle.

No, we would need to do this alone. Then when the Volturi came knocking over the death of three of their guard, Edward and Bella could be far away while his family was left without knowing anything incriminating and so the Volturi could blame rouge vampires. Then Edward could say he was taking Bella far away to keep her safe from the rogues, and he had the perfect escape plan. Of course, there was also the possibility that the Volturi would see Edward missing and his family trying to hide him and then punish them for killing the guards, but then they would just get the punishment they deserve for not sticking by him and his mate.

They always talked about how one day he would find his mate, and how happy they would all be for him, and they were at the start. But now they didn’t seem to care for Bella at all. They kicked her out of the family meeting, they couldn’t agree to turn her, they basically let the Volturi into their home and allowed them to have free reign. The Volturi wanted Bella dead and they were welcoming them. To Edward, that was a betrayal! So what if turning Bella would break the treaty in Forks? It was one little town, they could move and live anywhere. So what if Rosalie, didn’t exactly like Bella, but that was the whole child bearing thing and as evidenced by Harry, children are noisy little brats. Who would want one?

It wasn’t that he couldn’t use his family, it was that he didn’t trust his family. They would probably go running straight to the Volturi with news of his pan and ruin everything. He wouldn’t tell them.  Deciding to plot another day, Edward turned towards his lovely mate.

Bella was seated on the chaise lounge in his room, staring out the window to the forest beyond. He watched her as she sighed, and he couldn’t help but smile. She sighed so beautifully. It was like she could express so many thoughts and emotions into one sigh. Bella was so passionate about everything she did; he couldn’t understand how anyone could hate her. Her face and eyes were so expressive that sometimes he didn’t need to hear her talk to understand what she needed or wanted. He couldn’t imagine eternity without her.

“Should we just run away?” He asked.

Bella turned towards him, her eyes wide with shock and hope. “Run away?”

“Yes. Just leave everyone here and live happily somewhere new,” he said.

“Can we?”

“Of course we can! I can take money out so that we live comfortably, we can travel until we find a vampire with enough control and compassion to turn you safely, and we can be together without people trying to tear us apart. Don’t you want that?” Edward walked forward, needing to be closer to his mate. Needing to stare directly in her eyes so that he may see the never-ending love they shared staring back at him.

“Do we leave now?”

Oh his sweet Bella, trusting him so explicitly that she doesn’t need any more encouraging. She’s willing to leave with him without any questions. It’s truly satisfying knowing that someone loves you so completely they are willing to do anything you ask of them.  “Not now, but soon. I still need to plan our getaway. But first, before we leave I think we should treat the Volturi as they have treated us.”

Bella’s eyes grew so bright at his words that it was like the sun had descended from the sky and infected her eyes.  “What will we do?”

“We ruin their reputations as they have ruined ours,” Edward said with glee.

Bella threw herself at him, her deliciously dry chapped lips pressed against his, and he could feel her heat rubbing against his chest as she strained to kiss him. He hugged her close and smiled. Love was beautiful.

o.O.o

Harry officially announced the sale of the last item and knocked his gavel against his podium. The auction was finished and there were quite a few very happy people leaving. They hadn’t sold everything they stole, some of Edwards clothes had been left, not many wanting them after patrons spread news of what they heard Edward saying. Other items had been reclaimed by Emmett, but those mostly belonged to Rosalie, and with each item he took back, the other Rosalie items went up in price. Physically seeing clothing of hers leaving the sale block had inspired her fans to bid higher on the remaining items, so that they may own at least one item of hers. Esme’s items didn’t sell too high or at all, but she didn’t have as many fans.

Rosalie and Carlisle were the biggest sellers, and Harry was certain that the only reason Carlisle beat Emmett was because his fans were older woman with jobs and could afford to spend more on his ties than Emmett’s younger fans could spend on the big bear’s shirts.

With the end of the sale, Demetri went to help sort and package purchases, Felix was manning the cash, and Harry went to the door to hand everyone a box of cookies and thank them for their support. The lovely ladies at the Women’s Association had baked them some delicious looking treats in order to help ‘The poor dear Harry’ go off to his big special school in Seattle. The entire day was a success.

But something was telling him that some trouble was brewing elsewhere… and Harry didn’t like that. Walking to Demetri, Harry silently asked his partner what to do.

Demetri ruffled his hair and smiled. “Don’t worry, Felix and I have a plan.”

o.O.o

Charlie sighed heavily as he entered his home. He loved his house. He bought it as soon as he could after saving half his paycheck from the police station. He was just a young man then, working hard and hoping to one day find a nice woman, have some kids, and grow old together in a house that he purchased all on his own. He wanted a large family, and to raise all his children in his hometown. He wanted to be happy and give them everything he had and everything he didn’t.

Then he met his wife. It was a whirlwind affair. He truly loved Renee. They met by chance at La Push when Renee and her friends were traveling through. She was like a bright spark against the dull beach sand and water. When she returned to see his again Charlie knew that his heart belonged to her. The whole thing had been quick and passionate and soon they were leaving the Port Angeles court house, smiling happily with their newly certified marriage certificate between them.

This house was supposed to be a symbol of how strong their love was. But then his parents were dying, Renee got pregnant and while Charlie wanted to spend as much time as he could with his new wife and soon-to-be child, he needed to take care of his parents. He thought Renee understood, that she was okay with seeing less of him as he went through the turmoil of his parents failing health. But she didn’t.

Then one day she left him, taking their newborn daughter with her.

He told himself that once he knew his parents would be okay on their own he would chase after her. He would go and sweep her off her feet again and remind her why she loved him. He would convince her to come back home with him and they would be happy again.

But his parents died. When he called to tell her she didn’t even offer her condolences, didn’t ask him how he was, she didn’t even offer to come back with Bella so that he may have some comfort. All she wanted was to work out the child support payments. That’s when Charlie gave up on her. He didn’t fight, he just told her how much he would pay her to take care of Bella, but he at least wanted to see his daughter once a year. Renee agreed and they mailed the divorce papers back and forth within the week.

He kept the house though. He worked hard to save the money, he fixed it up best he could in their first few months of marriage, and part of him had hope that maybe one day he would meet someone new and they could finally make this the home he once dreamed of. Only, that never happened.

But now, he had family to come home to and that was a great feeling. Even if it wasn’t his own daughter he came home to every day. Walking into the living room, Charlie smiled at the young men sitting on his couch watching sports, with a little one curled up between them snoozing away. He went to his chair and sat down, grabbing the bowl of chips that was waiting on the side table.

“Whose winning?” He asked.

“No one yet, they’ve been pretty evenly matched all game. We just started the second half,” Felix answered.

“Good, I didn’t miss anything then,” Charlie responded. Life was getting good.

He turned to watch the match, not noticing the glowing yellow eyes watching the house from the trees on the opposite side of the street. He didn’t notice, but the three Volturi members did.

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of the Day**

Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?

A: Because they make themselves cross !


	23. Cat Prong Fever

 

The first part of Edwards plan was simple. Everyone in town knew that Harry and Demetri were staying with Charlie because their mother had died, and the police chief was helping the pair find their feet. It was a sad story that compelled everyone to feel sorry for the brothers and watch out for them. After all, losing a parent and orphaned wasn’t easy was it? No one liked to ask how their mother died, they didn’t want to be seen as insensitive or nosey, but they were all curious. That made it easy for Edward to start his plan.

Bella, while not as popular as she once was, still had a few friends or people who liked to pretend to be her friends. Edward knew this, so with a little coaching, Bella was prepared to finally spread the news of how the brother’s mother died.

“She was a druggie. Sold her body and everything to get a quick fix, but not just her own. Demetri would sleep around too. He wanted her high so that he could do whatever he wanted without her caring. I think he also dealt drugs. He has that shady dealer look about him,” Bella quietly told her ‘ _friends’_ at lunch one day. The girls gasped in horror at the thought.

“If that were true why would your father take them in then?” Jessica asked, the only one at the table not infatuated with his mate.

“He only wanted Harry, thinking he could save the little boy but Demetri wouldn’t let him. He forced his way into the house and refuses to leave,” Bella tried.

“Wasn’t Demetri just holding a fundraiser to raise money to send Harry to some special school in Seattle?” Jessica pressed.

Bella glared at her. “He is using the money for drugs.”

Jessica rolled her eyes and stood up. “Right… Swan, I know you don’t like them but this is going too far. Not even I would make up something like this.”

Edward watched her walk out of the cafeteria and followed. He needed his plan to work and for the school’s biggest gossip queen to believe them. Jessica had the special ability to spread gossip fast- to students and adults alike. If she were on board then there was no way that these rumors would get covered up.

“Jessica…” Edward whispered as he approached her from behind. They were in an empty hallway, no one to see their meeting which suited Edward just fine.

“E-edward?” Jessica stuttered and blushed as she turned around. It was nice knowing that he still had an effect on the girl. He was counting on it.

“You don’t seem to believe Bella’s story, why not?” He asked. He stepped closer to her, invading her personal space. The girl blushed even harder at the action but she didn’t back away. Her thoughts told him she was enjoying having him so close.

“I-it’s just that the story is so unbelievable. Demetri looks like a gentleman. He wouldn’t be a prostitute or a drug dealer,” She explained.

“Ah… but don’t they say ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’?” Jessica nodded. “So, he may look like that, but he could be hiding such a dark secret,” Edward whispered as he bent down a little. His words brushed against her ear and he could smell the arousal coming off the human girl.

“I guess.”

“Jessica, I need you to do me a favor… can you do me a favor?” The girl’s heartbeat picked up and she was squirming against him. He could tell she wanted to press into him, kiss him and steal what was rightfully Bella’s. He was disgusted with her but he wouldn’t let it show. Instead he moved forward, trapping her between his chest and a set of lockers. “Can you help me Jessica?” he asked again.

“W-what do you need help with?” She asked her voice breathy.

“I need you to tell everyone you believe Bella’s story. I need you to spread it around so everyone hears it,” He whispered slowly. “If you do that I will give you a gift.”

Jessica’s eyes went wide, a hopeful look entering them. Reading her thoughts he could hear several things she hoped he would give her. Money, expensive gifts, a pony… but the one thought, stronger that the others was hope for sex. She wanted Edward to take her virginity. Edward was surprised she hadn’t already given it up, but he couldn’t judge. He was still a virgin and he had been around for 118 years.

He brushed his lips softly against her cheek. “Just a sample.”

Jessica’s thoughts stuttered to a halt. Her mind was a mess of happiness and disbelief that Edward was willing to cheat on Bella with her. A small part of her was vindictively proud that she managed to steal Edward away from Bella, a victory she would covet the rest of her pathetic life no doubt.

“I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.” Edward smirked and pulled away. Lunch would be done soon and he had no desire for others to see him in such an intimate situation with Jessica. “You better get to work Jessica.”

He hoped this worked… but then again… this was only the backup plan.

o.O.o

**_The Night Before…_ **

Felix and Demetri ran through the forest in search of their prey. Neither liked the fact that a werewolf was so close. Felix had dragged Demetri from the house as soon as Charlie went to bed. They left Harry back at the house to watch Charlie and see if the beast returned. They figured they would catch him before he tried to backtrack to the Swan residence.

They didn’t know what a werewolf was doing watching them. They knew that the shape shifters nearby wouldn’t come so close. They were still having an internal battle and kept to their borders while the sorted it out.  Felix hoped that it was only a newly shifted shape shifter, the internal battle distracting the pack from the new addition to their ranks and letting him slip through. But Demetri told him that the beasts mind wasn’t the same. It worried them.

Arriving in a clearing, the two Volturi guards readied themselves for attack. They could see the beast they followed standing in the middle, clearly waiting for them with a smug look on his face. He was a large man with a vicious feral look around him.

“Only two? I was hoping to lure all three of you,” He said. His voice had a husky growl to it.

“And why would you want the three of us? One is more than enough to kill you,” Felix responded with a snarl.

“See someone went and advertised here you guys were. Even put a bounty on your heads… well me and the boys couldn’t say no could we?” The werewolf said.

“Bounty?”  “Boys?” The two guards spoke over one another.

The werewolf threw back his head and laughed. “Yes boys…”

Suddenly on the edge of their senses, Demetri and Felix could feel 10 other werewolves rapidly approaching them. Snarling, the two guards turned so they were back to back, wishing Harry was there to at least stand guard and provide air support.

“An ambush… cute,” Felix growled. “But we can still kill you all.”

The head wolf looked very smug with himself. “Maybe you can kill us… but we weren’t the only ones that heard where you are. I hear some powerful people in England would just love to get their hands on that little one you have.”

Demetri snarled loudly at the statement. “Let’s kill them quickly.”

Felix laughed and as the first werewolf tried jumping them, the lashed out and dug his claws into the beasts neck, tearing through the animals windpipe.

o.O.o

Harry was worried. He hadn’t heard from Felix and Demetri since they left and as the sun broke over the horizon he feared something terrible may have happened. Charlie was at work. He left early which meant he didn’t check on the boys, so that he wouldn’t disturb their sleep. Harry appreciated that he wouldn’t need to lie to the man and tell him Demetri and Felix went somewhere leaving him alone. The human man probably would have worried and stayed home which would have prevented Harry from leaving to investigate.

His first and only lead was Edward. He knew the mind reader wouldn’t just lie down and take it and at some point he would try to lash out and fight them. Well… fight them harder than he was already. He would check in with the mind reader and his family first before he called Volterra.

He entered the school grounds and walked towards the office. It was between periods after lunch, so most students were walking to the next class or hanging around. He got some curious looks, some adoring looks from the female population, but oddly enough he got some weird looks. Something was going on around here, he could feel it,

Entering the office he looked up at receptionist and gave her his best angelic look.

“Oh you’re back again sweetie? How can I help you today?” She asked.

“I’m sorry to bother you but…” Harry bit his lip and looked down, looking shy. “Well… my cousin…”

“Miss Swan.”

“Yeah… Bella… well she ran away from home and said she was moving in with her boyfriend…”

Mrs. Cope gasped and leaned forward in her chair. “Did she now?”

“Yes…but I’m worried about her. I know that the Cullens have lots of money and can buy her stuff but I thought she might like some of her own things…” Harry trailed off and then took off the backpack he was carrying. “I brought her bag and packed her some things. I grabbed what I thought was important.”

Mrs. Cope looked misty eyed as she regarded him. “That was very kind of you.”

Harry looked away again, acting even shier than before. Mrs. Cope was lapping it up. “Do you think I could deliver it to her… or maybe you could call her to the office so I can hand it to her?”

The old woman sniffled before nodding. “Of course dear. I’ll just give an announcement asking her to come to the office. No worries.”

Harry smiled at her and went to sit in one of the hard plastic chairs. Step one of his plan was done. Sure enough, Mrs. Cope made a school wide announcement asking Bella Swan to come to the office. Harry guessed it would take a few minutes to get to the office, so fiddling with one of the zippers, Harry stood a minute later and approached the desk. “Mrs. Cope?” Harry danced from one foot to the other. “Could I use the washroom?”

“Of course dear. It’s just down the hall and on the left. I’ll watch that backpack for you while you go,” she offered.

Harry smiled at her and threw the bag on the desk before running out the door. He peeked around the corner to watch the next event unfold. Mrs. Cope, readjusted the bag, jostling it a just enough for the open pocket to drop something on the desk.  The woman reached to retrieve it and when she brought it back she gasped again to find herself holding a positive pregnancy test. Looking from the test to the bag, the woman quickly shoved the test into the pocket of her cardigan and stood up. “Cheryl will love hearing about this!” she exclaimed before shuffling into the vice-principal’s office.

Harry grinned. That would give him some time with his lovely cousin. He turned around to see his cousin turning the corner, making him grin wider. Not giving her time to react, Harry ran to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“Hello _cousin_ ,” He said quietly. “It’s wonderful seeing you again, but enough pleasantries. What did Edward do?”

 

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Q: Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with?

A: The girl necks door.


	24. Prong This Way

 

The Cullen household was as silent as ever to normal human ears, but the vampires inside were quite active. Emmett and Rosalie had arrived home from school and was quietly discussing the new rumors floating around. Someone had told the student population that Demetri was a drug load and sold his little brother out to perverts for some extra cash on the side. They said he got into trouble back in New York and was hiding out in forks until the heat died down. Another rumors was that Bella was pregnant and was planning to run way with Edward so they could have their bastard child.

“I’m not saying that its true but… Bella has been looking a bit plumper than usual…” Emmett trailed off.

Rosalie scoffed. “And how did she get pregnant? A vampire can’t impregnate a human and even if they could, Edward and Bella haven’t had sex yet. If they did do you think Edward would still look like there’s a giant oak tree sized stick up his ass?”

Emmett chuckled. “True… if he ever got laid I think he would smile for the first time in 100 years. His lips only know how to go straight or down.”

“But if Edward didn’t get her pregnant… who did?” Rosalie asked.

“I could smell the Mike kid on her the other day. It was heavy too, like she was rolling around in a bathtub full of him. She showered before Edward got him though.  You don’t think…”

“They will have one ugly baby if that’s true.”

Jasper let out a small laugh from the other side of the room and the couple was quick to send him smirks. “Would you care to join the conversation Jasper?” Rosalie asked.

“I wouldn’t have much to add I’m afraid,” He replied.

“Nonsense. Who do you think started the rumors against Demetri?” Rosalie tried to engage him.

Jasper shook his head. “It’s pretty obvious isn’t it? Edward and Bella. Bella was at Jessica’s table during lunch, spinning quite the tale. I heard some of it, but the drama club was near us and they were rehearsing. After, Jessica didn’t seem to believe whatever Bella was saying, but I saw Edward waiting in the wings. I followed Jessica out and watched Edward _convince_ Jessica to spread the story.”

“Oh, and how did he _convince_ her?” Rosalie was suddenly interested.

“He kissed her.”

“No!” Rosalie gasped. “He actually kissed her?”

“He did.”

Rosalie blinked a few times before turning towards her husband. “This is some modern soap opera isn’t it? I knew Bella was a rotten little snake but now Edward is showing his true colors too. What do we do?”

Emmett frowned. “I don’t know, but… we need to tell Carlisle. He’s still on the fence about changing Bella, and this may finally convince him to deny Edwards request.”

Rosalie’s face practically lit up at his words. “Finally!”

Before the three could continue talking, Esme entered the room. “Do any of you know when Edward and Bella will be home? I wanted to start on Bella’s dinner, but I don’t want to cook something that will be done before she’s home.”

“Just serve her garbage. I’m sure she won’t notice the difference,” Rosalie said cattily.

“Rosalie…” Esme trailed off.

Rosalie was set to defend her comment when Alice gasped from upstairs and ran down quickly to share her latest vision.

“They’re leaving!” she cried.

“What? Whose leaving?” Emmett asked.

“The Volturi!” Alice was jumping happily in place as she shared the news. “I just saw them boarding the Volturi private jet three days from now. They’re finally leaving us.”

Rosalie snorted. “Are you sure they weren’t just going abroad to retrieve something? You didn’t see the plane actually take off did you?”

Alice glared at her. “It doesn’t matter. They are finally leaving and we can live in peace again. With them gone, Edward and Bella can finally be happy again.”

Rosalie stood up, her pose aggressive. “Look, you have been saying that you can’t get a clear vision on them since you were in Italy. Suddenly a crystal clear vision comes through of them boarding a plane and you assume it’s them leaving? I don’t trust it. Why would they leave? Why now? They said they weren’t leaving until Bella was either turned or dead. So does that mean in the next three days Bella will die? Carlisle promised he wouldn’t turn her until the whole family was in agreement and I refuse to accept her. If she’s turned it means I have left this family for good, or I die. You are treating this like some great celebration but have you thought for one second about the implications of the Volturi leaving?”

Alice hissed at the blonde. “Why does it have to be bad like you say? Why can’t you accept Bella, accept the Edward is happy, just accept that this family will finally be complete? Instead of being mad at me, be mad at the right people. Be mad at Demetri, Felix and Harry for ruining our lives. If they weren’t here we would have none of these problems.”

Rosalie scoffed. “If they weren’t here then we would still being living in a world where the only vampire’s that Carlisle cares about is Esme and Edward. We were always second best to his first son, his first child. I was a disappointment because I wouldn’t mate with him. He didn’t want to turn Emmett, he didn’t even turn you or Jasper, he just accepted you because I told him too. I was the one who told him that you deserved a spot among our family… did you vision show you that when you joined? Instead of blaming the Volturi for doing their jobs, maybe step out of your delusions and look at the world around you.”

Alice looked mutinous. “You don’t care about this family, you only care about yourself. Maybe you do leave for good in three days. Maybe you board that plane with them and then we can finally live without your bitchy attitude. You’re only jealous of Bella. If she’s changed than she’s guaranteed to have a special power, then you will be the only one without a gift. Beauty? What a stupid thing to claim.”

“Girls!” Esme screamed, hoping to stop them. She was ignored though.

“Jealous? As if I would be jealous of such a plain idiot girl like her. I hate her because she has a family that cares about her and she doesn’t care. I hate her because she wants to be a vampire and throw her life away when instead she can live and have children. I hate her because she’s a parasite.”

Alice as getting ready to start spewing more nonsense but Emmett stepped forward and took his wife into his arms. “Rose, calm down please. Is Bella really worth getting this upset over?”

Looking back at her husband, Rosalie shook her head and turned away from Alice. “Maybe I should leave this family. Clearly I’ve been unwanted for a while now.”

Emmett frowned. “Hey, why don’t we go stay at the cottage for a bit? It will give everyone’s temper time to cool down and we won’t have to see Bella. Does that sound good?” He asked gently.

“Fine. I’ll go pack.” Rosalie didn’t look at anyone else as she left the room.

“Sorry everyone, but I think it’s best for Rose and I stayed somewhere else for a few days,” Emmett said sadly as he started packing a few things to keep him and Rosalie entertained while they were away.

“Oh honey, you two don’t need to leave,” Esme tried.

Emmett gave her a sad smile and shook his head. “I think we do. Rose doesn’t want to be near Bella, and I won’t let her go anywhere alone.”

“I.. I’ll go call Carlisle…” Esme said slowly.

Watching everything unfold, jasper couldn’t help but shake his head in disgust. Esme didn’t even try to convince to of her children to stay and Alice was so caught up in Bella Fever that she just threw her own family out. The whole situation was getting out of control and Jasper couldn’t help but blame Edward and Bella for it. Yes the Volturi came, but it was their job to see that the law was carried out.

This family was falling apart.

o.O.o

Harry floated above the Cullen house taking notes. He got a call from Demetri earlier telling him everything that happened. He planned to call Volterra and tell them about the hit out for them now, which wasn’t good. Harry then proceeded to tell him what he heard at school when he threatened Bella. The girl was vicious in re-telling all the lies she spewed hoping to finally knock them down a peg. It was kind of cute how she thought she was on par with them, but it was also annoying.

If they were just attacking Bella, she would have cracked a long time ago, but with Edward supporting her and Alice supporting them both it was taking longer. The three were annoying little bugs. But, the Cullen’s were breaking apart and Alice’s vision of them leaving in three days was interesting.

Rosalie and Emmett also gave him a good idea to keep trolling Bella. But if they only had three days left then they needed to think of one last big prank to pull on the sickening couple before they took off for good. Of course if they were leaving then they had to make sure Bella wasn’t going to be around any longer. Whether they killed the pathetic human girl or changed her and hid her away while she passed through the newborn stage didn’t matter. What did was that the vampire law was being upheld.

Putting his book away, Harry floated away, ready to plant some evidence around town and let the whispers fly as they talked about Bella getting pregnant after cheating on Edward with Mike Newton and maybe more.

o.O.o

Mike Newton was an okay kid. He knew he wasn’t the smartest or the best looking. It was hard to be proud of your looks when the Cullen’s attended the same school as you and were the object of all the girls wet dreams. Honestly, looking in the mirror was difficult after spending the day at school with them.

He was working in his parents shop when the bell over the door rang causing him to look up and see two very upset parents storming towards him. He didn’t get to question him before his father grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the building. His mother was quick to flip the closed sign and lock the door.

“What’s going on?” Mike asked.

“You young man, are in big trouble. What have we told you about being responsible?” His mother asked.

“Um… to be responsible?” he answered.

“Exactly! And what do you do? You go get that Swan girl pregnant!” She hissed.

“What Pregnant? I didn’t get anyone pregnant!” Mike argued. His father shoved him in the back of their van and closed the door. “Mom, Dad… I didn’t get Bella pregnant. I haven’t even had sex yet. Plus she’s dating Edward Cullen!” He told them earnestly.

“Don’t lie to me young man! She just called the house and left a voicemail telling you that she’s pregnant but not to worry because she plans to terminate it before Edward finds out. We are going to the police station right now and you will apologize to her father and tell him you plan to take care of your child when he or she is born. You will not allow your child to be killed.” His mother was very mad.

“But... I never had sex with her. It couldn’t possibly be mine!” He yelled, trying to make his parents understand.

“She said you would try to deny it,” his father piped in.

“But I never had sex with her!”

When the family arrived at the station they were greeted with several other families all crowding around Chief Swan’s desk. They were yelling at him and the poor police chief looked over-whelmed.

“How can you say that?” one mother yelled. “When I searched Jordan’s room I found some of Bella’s homework and dirty panties. Panties! In my son’s room!”

“I don’t care what your daughter says, that child does not belong to my son! He is a good Christian boy!” The local priests yelled.

The whole room was chaotic and Mike’s mom looked god-smacked at everything.

“Everyone, please!” Charlie yelled. “I understand you are all upset as am I, but I can’t answer one or all of you if you keep yelling.” The crowd settled down a little after that but there was still some angry murmurs going around.

“Look, I don’t know why my daughter called all your homes and told you your sons were going to be a father’s soon, or why she said she would terminate the baby. Honestly, I haven’t spoken to my daughter since she decided to move out and live with the Cullen’s. But I can assure you that there is no way all your sons are the father!”

Some parents seemed to calm down but others just got angrier.

“So you’re saying your daughter has slept around so much that she doesn’t know who the father is and is blaming every boy in town?” The priest asked.

“I… I don’t know. Clearly I haven’t been a good father and that failing is all my own. I tried my best but it wasn’t good enough. I will try to talk to her, and see what she has to say,” Charlie admitted.

Mike looked over and saw his mom’s face soften.

“Oh it can’t be your fault,” she called out. “Bella did live with her mother for a number of years and everyone in Forks knows how Renee acts. It’s only logical that she has taken after her mother.”

“Mom!” Mike hissed, horrified that his mom would say something like that in a room full of people.

“Hush dear. You’re still in trouble. I thought I taught you better when growing up. I always said it will be sweeter if you protect your peter, but you didn’t and now we are in this situation!”

“But I didn’t sleep with her!” Mike denied again. That comment started a great protest from all the other teen males in the room as they also denied sleeping with the same girl.

Mike could feel his eyes filling with tears as his mother loudly declared she was taking her son down to the clinic to get tested, since it couldn’t be good if he slept with a girl who clearly had gotten around.

Charlie just wished for the floor to open up and swallow him so he wouldn’t have to deal with this mess at all. What was Bella thinking?

o.O.o

At home, Harry carefully saved the voice file he complied. He recorded Bella several times while she was around, and cut sound clips together until they have a recording of her that they played with every household they called.

It was a little sloppy but none of the parents seemed to have noticed in their indignation.

Demetri went out and bought Charlie a case of beer and nice steak in apology though. They did feel a little bad that the man was the one to deal with the aftermath.  

**\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?

A: Because they make themselves cross !


	25. Carry On My Prongward Son

 

There was no peace for Carlisle as he let out another deep human sigh as the couple across from him stared accusingly at him. The clinic had been overrun with upset parents demanding their sons be tested. All available doctor and nurses were called to service, and as Carlisle sat down with his third couple, he could see a repeat of his first two meetings. The parents were blaming him for their son’s predicament.

“We want a new Doctor,” Mrs. Newton said. “We don’t like or trust you anymore.”

“I understand that you are going through a difficult situation at the moment, but-“

“No! We want a new Doctor.”

“I will go see who is available,” he told the couple. He wanted to help, he really did, but no one wanted him to treat their son when it was his son’s girlfriend that apparently got them all into this mess. It’s not like he wanted teenaged boys dropping their pants so he could stare at their privates, but he wanted to be trusted and treated like a Doctor and that no longer seemed possible. He couldn’t help people when everyone was requesting other doctors to look after them. Maybe it was time to pack his family up and move on.

Standing, he exited the door to see Nurse Jane standing nearby. “Another one then doctor?” she asked.

“Yes, this couple would prefer a new doctor as well,” He answered.

“Doctor Chang is almost finished with the family he is with now. I’ll send him this way,” she assured the doctor.

“Maybe I should just go home. I don’t seem to be of any help at the moment.” Jane looked sad for him. It was a bit embarrassing that the nurses had to keep covering for him because he couldn’t do his job properly. “Nurse, please apologize to the other doctors for me, I will be going now.”

“Of course Doctor Cullen, I think they will understand considering the situation,” she responded.  He handed the chart off to Jane and gave her a nod in thanks.

When Carlisle got home, he called for everyone to gather in the dining room to talk. Esme flitters around looking upset over something, Alice had a grin on her face, Jasper looked to be thinking deeply over something, and Edward… was busy with Bella.  “Where are Rosalie and Emmett?” He asked.

Esme started to wring her hands but she answered right away. “They left to spend a few days at the cottage. Rosalie got into a fight with Alice and Emmett thought they needed some time away,” she explained.

“What was this fight about?” Carlisle asked.

“Alice had a vision of the Volturi leaving in three days. Rosalie voiced her concerns and Alice told her she should leave the family,” Jasper spoke up before anyone else could. “They are still torn over changing Bella.”

Carlisle sat down as he absorbed the explanation. “Right… we’ll talk about that later. Right now we have two important things to discuss, first being the Volturi leaving, and the second… why did I hear that you, Bella, are pregnant?”

“Pregnant?” Edward yelped. “Bella’s not pregnant!”

“From what I overheard in the waiting room… every parent with a teenaged boy in Forks believes Bella is going to make them grandparents,” Carlisle told them.

Edward was on his feet in a second growling at the news. “Those dirty lying little bastards. How dare they claim such things about my Bella!”

A twinkling giggle filled the room. The family turned as one as Harry floated down outside their window. Edward dug his nails into the wood of the table as he spotted the little guard. None of them had even known they were being spied on, they couldn’t see, hear, or smell the little vampire. 

“They didn’t say they slept with Bella, Bella did,” The little guy said. He pulled out a recorder and pressed play, allowing the whole family to listen as Bella’s.

‘ ** _Look, this is Bella Swan. We need to talk. No, we don’t need to talk. I’m pregnant and you’re the father. I’m not keeping it. I don’t want to carry your child. What we did was fun, but it was only for fun.  I’ll tell you how much you owe me for the abortion later._** ’

*Click*

Edward flung himself at the window, he was almost completely feral after hearing the recording. Carlisle grabbed his son before he could break the glass, while Jasper was on his feet, ready to help restrain Edward if needed.

“Let me go!” Edward yelled. “They destroyed Bella’s reputation!”

The giggling stopped as Harry looked Edward dead in the eye. “You set werewolves onto my kin!” He hissed.

“What?” Jasper asked. “Did the Quileute tribe attack?”

“No, but Edward did send up a flare telling every creature who hates the Volturi where we are. They came into Forks to attack us. Demetri and Felix had to chase them away.”

“Edward you didn’t,” Esme whispered.

“What? What’s wrong with that? We wanted them gone and now they have to leave. So what if they die in the process, they deserve it!” Edward hissed.

“You also doomed us! What do you think those monsters are going to do when they kill the Volturi? Do you think they are just going to pack up and leave? They will see us, see that we’re vampires and try to kill us. Why wouldn’t they? You put us in danger too,” Jasper yelled. It was rare for the family to ever see him get upset to the point he raised his voice.

“Why would they? We’re not Part of the Volturi!” Edward yelled back.

“But we’re vampires! Do you think there’s some giant billboard out there with all the Volturi members faces on it, telling the world who is in the guard and who isn’t? They don’t know that we’re not part of the Volturi. They will see that we’re vampires and attack us.”

“You should hit him. It will make for a great shot,” Harry called out. Looking over, Carlisle felt like pulling out his hair at the sight of the vampire, floating outside the window filming the whole fight. “Bella could you try to give the camera a little love?  A little expression? You make for a very boring shot like that.”

It felt like his arms were going to be ripped out when Edward tried to lunge for the child again, but Carlisle kept a firm grip on his son. “Harry, why are you here?”

Harry pouted. “I needed somewhere safe to stay. Demetri and Felix caught another enemy scent. They left to take care of it, so while they are dealing with this new threat –brought on because of your son- I was set the task to watch you lot. Oh, and Esme, your nose is a little shiny. You might want to touch up.”

“Will you stop filming!” Edward yelled.

“Passion, love the passion, Edward. Maybe you could share some with your supposed mate?” Harry encouraged.

“Bella has expressions!”

“Well that’s a wrap. It’s going to need some editing, a little movie magic, and a title song by some mediocre alternative rock pop band and it’s good to go,” Harry announced. “Might win some crappy teen awards… Edward has the whole angst thing down that drives tweens crazy… and Jaspers a good looking bloke… lots of fans to reel in.” Despite what he said, Carlisle was sure that the boy was still filming them.

“I never understand what goes through your head!” Edward screamed.

“Demetri, Felix… Alex… right now I have an Oscar on my mind.”

“That’s it, we’re leaving,” Carlisle announced. He had enough of this. He left the Volturi because he didn’t like feeding from humans and how they treated the human people they did interact with. This right here, they were doing exactly the type of thing that turned Carlisle away.

They thought they were entitled to everything and that what they say, goes. The Volturi could make your life hell or wipe you out, it was just the way they were. Currently, they settled on ruining the life Carlisle and his family built but soon the entertainment they derived from this would wane and then it would be time for Plan B. It was better to do what they said now than fight them later. “This family is falling apart. Rosalie and Emmett are already gone, I can no longer do my job at the hospital, and every day I come home there is another issue to deal with.  We’re done, Harry.  The Volturi won. Edward, you’re going to change Bella and we’re going to lay low in Alaska.”

“Yes!” Alice cheered. The girl was so happy and was bouncing around the room.

“Are you sure Carlisle? Rosalie and Emmett haven’t agreed to this and I’m not on board with Bella becoming one of us either,” Jasper spoke up. “You promised us that you wouldn’t allow Bella to change until everyone in the family agreed.”

“Jasper, I think this is one time that we can do something-“

“No!” Jasper stopped him. “You promised us. You promised your family, including a child that you turned personally, and you’re going to break that promise for one human?”

“Jasper,” Carlisle started. “We are in a desperate situation here.”

“Kill her. Kill Bella Swan and be done with it,” Jasper said. “I’m going to go stay with Rosalie and Emmett.” Carlisle couldn’t respond since after announcing that he left the room. Didn’t Jasper understand that he couldn’t kill Bella- a human. He spent so long working hard to save human lives and to protect them from other vampires and now one of his children expected him to take a life.

What the hell happened to his family? It seemed he was asking himself that a lot.

o.O.o

Aro chuckled as he watched the live feed Harry was sending him. It seemed his little minions were doing a better job than he expected. He didn’t think they would actually manage to tear the family apart. The Cullens always seemed to be such a strong unit but it wasn’t true. They were falling away like pieces and all over one little pathetic human girl.

“Harry darling, close up on Miss Swan’s face please,” he asked.

The camera zoomed in and the screen was filled with Bella’s profile. The girl really didn’t understand what she started when she decided to interact with the Cullen clan.

“Will they be home soon?” Alex asked.

“Yes, the wizards almost got them in Seattle, this announcement of Edward’s is sure to reach them soon. I want you and Jane on that plane to bring them back.”

“Yes, Aro,” Jane responded.  

“We should prepare room for three new recruits,” Aro decided as he contemplated the situation. “And that car we ordered. Let’s put it somewhere that it’s sure to be seen. Also, who do we have in England? I want an update.”

“Yes, Aro,” Alex said before he turned to leave.

“And Harry dear… you’re school acceptance will be in the mall tomorrow. Be sure that Charlie sees it.  We all want a nice clean break.”

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke of The Day**

Q: What is Transylvania?

A: Dracula’s terror-tory 

 


	26. You Are My Prongshine

 

Charlie was happy. Blessed may be a better word actually. When he had taken in Harry and Demetri, he didn’t know what to think of them, but over time he came to see them as sons. And like any father, when your son does something amazing, you are proud. Charlie was very proud at the moment.

He had been at home to receive the mail and on top of a couple of bills sat a letter for Harry. It was a thick envelope, a school crest, and gave the impression that it contained some very important information. He wanted to wait for the boys to return from wherever they were but… he was curious and so he opened the letter. Inside was an acceptance letter. Harry had gotten into a very exclusive school for gifted children.

He may not have helped conceive the little boy, but he was prouder than he had ever been before.

 The further he read, it seemed like the school was willing to allow Harry to sit in a few classes and explore its facilities before he officially enrolled for the new school year. They even offered moving and job assistance for Demetri so that his brother may stay close and watch over him. It was all a very generous offer. He would be sad to see them move out but in his heart he knew it was the right thing to do. It was his honor to have helped them in their time of need, and to watch them grow to stand on their own again.

Now if only his own daughter could grow up…

“Charlie, we’re home!” Harry called as the front door opened.

The police chief turned to greet them when he saw all three covered in mud. Demetri and Felix were the worst, looking beaten up, while Harry looked like he just went for a little roll in the dirt. “And what did you boys get up to?” He asked.

Harry giggled as he answered. “I wanted to go bird watching!”

“Bird watching?” The boys got this beat up from watching birds? He really hoped Harry meant actual birds that could fly and not women. But if they did go watch women, it could explain the two roughed up looking boys in his front hallway. If they looked at the wrong girl, their boyfriends may have taken offense.

“Harry really wanted to see what birds were native to the area so we took him on a hike through the forest. We ended up finding a couple Goldfinches. Harry tried giving them seeds and well…” Demetri trailed off.

Felix laughed loudly. “The little tyke got so excited he ended tried throwing the whole bag of seeds in the air to get them to the birds faster but gravity took hold and they fell on Demetri and I. We ended up being chased and pecked by the blighters. Harry thought it was hilarious and got to watch from the sidelines.”

Charlie was relieved. It was all so innocent and sweet… it should be something that Bella did too. Why his daughter insisted on living in her own little world of Edward Cullen he didn’t know. The boy was gloomy and never seemed to smile. Every time he had seen the boy she was wearing black and looking like his life revolved around being miserable. Bella deserved better but his daughter… she was determined to be with him and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

“I see. It sounds like you boys had fun,” Charlie responded. “Actually, while you were out I got a letter for Harry. Sorry I opened it but I couldn’t wait to see what it said. Here you go,” Charlie said as he handed the envelope to the little boy.

Harry went from a bright giggling child to a small ball of anxiousness. It would be alright though. He would be a great adult one day- a person with the whole world open and waiting for him to explore.

“Congratulations Harry. I knew you would get in.” Demetri had read the letter over his brother’s shoulder and reached the bottom before the boy did. Charlie smiled as he watched the two brothers hug and cheer. 

“Well, if you’re moving to Seattle, should I live with you?” Felix asked.

Charlie was surprised. He knew they were close but to drop everything and just move in with your friend was… very dedicated. Wasn’t Felix a model or something? Didn’t he have work?

“Felix, we couldn’t ask that of you,” Demetri argued.

“Nonsense. I have a fair amount of money saved up from work. I can help pay rent, the bills, and Harry’s school supplies until you’re on your feet. Also, won’t it be good for someone to be home to greet Harry after school? You won’t always be there when you start working.”

Charlie had to agree with the man. Unless Demetri was going to hire a babysitter then Harry would be returning home after school by himself. Felix would be a big help and it wasn’t like models worked 9 to 5 like a regular office worker.

“You boy’s will be just fine in Seattle. I’ll be sad to see you go but I’m happy for you. Should we get some steak and have a celebration?”

Harry cheered, always happy to have his steak. Demetri tried to calm toe excited child down, while Felix offered to go buy the food and drinks. Charlie was truly blessed to have the family he had right now. It wasn’t perfect, far from it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t love them all anyways. After all, family wasn’t about perfection. It was about being happy and loved.  He could happily send this lot into the world, knowing that he did what he could to prepare them.

“Calm down now, before we get started on anything you boys need to clean up. No one eats or gets allowed into stores until you’re all showered,” Charlie cut through the fun.

The boys all laughed and Harry happily declared that he got first bath. Demetri objected saying that Harry takes way to long in the bath and to let Felix go first, as the man was supposed to go buy them steaks. It took some arguing but Harry finally relented.

Walking into the kitchen, Charlie grabbed the phone and dialed his daughter’s number. Maybe he should try with her one more time. Hopefully they could talk things out, because Charlie wasn’t ready to give up all his family just yet.

o.O.o

Demetri briefly acknowledged the vampire that had climbed into his shared bedroom with Harry. They knew that one of them would show up. They had thought perhaps, Emmett since the bug guy really liked Harry, but instead they got Jasper.

They left the shower running to keep away Charlie so that they could talk in peace with the empath. Felix had already left and while Harry wanted a bath, he decided to forego the luxury. How very kind of him.

“What have we done to earn the pleasure of your company today, Jasper?” he asked.

Jasper was an interesting one. He had a hidden killer instinct that he constantly suppressed. The Volturi knew about his past. They liked to keep taps on potential threats after all and it was surprising that the former soldier had been able to last thing long without killing. They thought for sure that some annoying human pest would have enraged him at some point forcing him to rip out their throat… but he held on.

“You are leaving soon. I have spoken with Rosalie and Emmett… Carlisle has always taught us that we are a family and that we will always support and listen to each other. Lately… it has not been like that. We have tried to support Edward but we disapprove of his choices. We cannot in good conscious stay with the Cullen’s when we are treated as secondary family members.” 

“What are you saying actually?” Demetri pushed. He knew where he was going. Aro had wanted them actively recruit the three after the falling out but it seems like that effort was no longer needed.

“We would like to go to Italy with you when you leave. We are willing and hoping to join the Volturi. We always thought you a cruel society but… seeing how you interact and take care of Harry, we have realized that there is more to you than we thought. Please accept us.”

The soldier was very stoic. He made his way through his prepared speech at a well maintained speed without any fanfare or exaggerations. It was a simple and direct request. Demetri would be a terrible person if he rejected it…

“Why should we accept you? You are one of Carlisle’s children. We should kill you where you stand for what your brother has done. You don’t offer any active gifts. You can read emotions but how does that help us kill? Strength and beauty? We hardly need any more of that”

He was terrible person…

Jasper didn’t look shocked or start begging like some vampires might. It was probably why he was chosen for this mission. Rosalie was sure to be a spit-fire and start yelling and raging at them for being rejected. Emmett would flounder, try to appeal to them emotionally, and might even try to bribe Harry. Not Jasper though. He remained calm in the face of a fight and took the logical route.

“We may not have the gift you seek, like Edward’s, but we are like trained dogs. If you treat us right, we will be loyal to you. I don’t just feel emotions, I can manipulate them. Rosalie is exceedingly beautiful, even in vampire terms. You can gather quite the male crowd if you use her right. You don’t have many female vampires, her beauty will be a boost. Emmett is strong, he can kill double the amount of enemies than a normal vampire. He is also quite taken with Harry and will no doubt offer his babysitting services when you need to leave Harry alone. We may not be what you are seeking, but we can be useful.”

“I guess we could give you a test…” He was a really cruel person. “If you pass this… you and your siblings can come to Volterra with us in two days,” he proposed. They already had a spot on the plane, but he really couldn’t let an opportunity pass. Besides, it was all in good fun.

“What do we need to do?” Jasper asked.

Demetri smirked. “Harry, get the Edward box.” Harry giggled as he happily started floating around the room, pulling a box down from the bookcase. “In this box we have various ideas… that we planned to use against Edward. Although, now that it seems our timeline has been shortened, we will need your help to accomplish one last one. You can even help us decided which prank.” It was a generous offer.

Harry started pulling things out of that box and throwing them towards him. He caught them, and showed the pictures to Jasper. “One idea we had was ‘Eddie-C’. Edward was going to start on a rap career and use ‘Eddie-C’ as his street name. We even recorded some on his playing on the piano and made a few mixtapes. We tweaked a few things so that it would appeal to the younger generation more. We even thought of handing out his mix tapes with a fire extinguisher in case they started setting things on fire.”

Jasper’s face didn’t move at all. It was a little disappointing.  They had even photo shopped pictures of Edward in some Hello Kitty street wear.

“Next, we thought about using Edward and Alice to steal blood from the clinic. We would collect ‘security’ footage of them and turn it into the police thus resulting in another arrest for Edward. But they never really kept their word to get us blood, forcing us to feed from the next town over.” This one was still a sore point. It had been perfect and the cameras had been in place for weeks, but the lazy duo never went.

“Or, we have this one idea where Edward gets a flat tire in the middle of town and when he opens his trunk to get the spare, his secret love of cross dressing is exposed. Dresses, make-up, even some photo’s he has taken of himself wearing heels and a sexy cocktail dress. The wind would of course cooperate and blow the pictures into the crowds, helping to support the new rumors that would appear.”

Jaspers eye twitched.

“Our last idea was to put a ‘Shoot Me’ sign on his back and give the kindergarten classes paintball guns. We would then bribe them with candy to follow him around the High School.” The last one involved working with the schools to organize a field trip for the kids. They thought about doing a reading buddy program where the kids got to walk down the road to the high school where there would be snacks and juice waiting for them in library… then they would get guns, candy, and their target.

Jasper took a moment to think. “I will bring this to my brother and sister. We will discuss what we would like to do. Although… I feel like if you allow us permission, Rosalie may already have an idea in mind.”

Demetri smirked. “Permission granted. We can’t wait to see what you.”

**\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?

A grave problem.


	27. Uptown Prong

 

Charlie missed the days that his quiet little town was just that, quiet. He fondly remembered the days that he could go into the office and complete his minimal paperwork. He used to be able to spend the whole day checking out minor disturbances or helping Crazy Old Elaine when she thought the fire hydrant outside her house was a man trying peep on her. Now he secretly dreaded going into the office for fear that he would face another Cullen or Bella centered incident.

He was still getting calls from concerned parents about the father of Bella’s baby. He had tried calling her, he wanted to try again. She was his only daughter and he didn’t want to lose that. Only, when he called, she never answered. In all of this mess, he really just wanted to know that she was okay. From the outside it looked like her life was spiraling out of control. As a father, he wanted to be there to hold his little girl and tell her everything would be okay. If she was pregnant or not, he wanted her to know that he would support her.  But how do you support someone who won’t talk to you?

Before Charlie could sit at his desk, he had a deep unsettling feeling exploded in his stomach. Something was going to happen. It wasn’t going to be anything good. The phone started to ring, and Charlie sent a look towards one of his deputies, hoping they will answer it and really some good news to him. Of course how often do you get good news at a police station?

“Forks Police Station, Deputy Smith speaking, how can I assist you?” Charlie watched as the Deputy went through confusion, humor, and then disbelief. “We will send someone to check that out right away.”

“What happened?” Charlie asked as soon as the phone was put down.

Poor Smith floundered for a minute as he tried to answer. “There is a report of a vulgar display in the middle of downtown.”

“Vulgar how?”

“A board… of girls…. underwear on display… with ranks…”

It was a reach, but Charlie felt that there was more to this. “Anything else?”

Smith looked uncomfortable but soldiered on. “The board says ‘Edward Cullen’s Panty Board’.”

There it was.

“I’ll drive out there now and see if we can’t get it taken down. I’ll need you to go the Cullen residence and ask Edward to come to the station for questioning. He will need parent supervision so get one of them to come.” Charlie grabbed his coffee, sad that he didn’t get the chance to sit down and enjoy a single sip before he was called out. Where did the good old days go?

Arriving downtown, he slowed down as he approached the rather large display in the center of town. The board was clearly labeled and under each unmentionable, there was a girl’s name, and how their panties ranked on a scale from 1-10 with categories such as smell, design, and cleanliness.  There crowd was growing with angry parents, and Charlie just felt like maybe it was time he retired. He was getting old. He had some strong and energetic Deputies at the station that would surely love to further their careers.

He could spend his time fishing. It was such a relaxing activity. The water was so peaceful and relaxing, especially in the morning when the world was waking up. He could buy a boat. Nothing too fancy, but a nice little row boat that he could tow on the back of truck and would fit him and a cooler full of beer. It sounded wonderful in his head but in practice he might be bored. Maybe he should get Billy to join him.

Stepping out of this car, Charlie quickly got to work while ignoring the screaming mob around him. He sectioned off the area, took pictures, and asked if there were any witnesses to the event. From what he found out, no one had seen Edward put it up, and when the local business owners started opening their shops, they barely glanced at the board. They had assumed it was merely a new advertisement and decided not to look too deeply into it. It was only when the first offended resident stormed into one of their stores did they finally decide to check it out.

The board was firmly secured in the ground and Charlie would need a couple of tools and a few guys to remove it. Until then, he threw a tarp over the board, blocking the vulgar sight from the eyes of the Fork citizens.  No matter how you looked at it, Edward went too far this time.

o.O.o

Rosalie leaned back and smiled at the officer sitting across from her.  “Like I was saying, Edward has always had some weird perversions. We have tried to help him but it seems he has really relapsed this time. I’m hoping that maybe this time we can finally get through to him.”

The poor officer was sweating and fumbling with his pen as he took down her statement. “So you’re saying this isn’t the first time he’s done this…”

“In our last town, his box of stolen goods was found in his school locker and not too long ago he was found peeping outside the Chief daughter’s bedroom window. It seems he is getting worse.” Rosalie looked sad. It was truly a tragic thing that had happened. To think that Edward’s long hidden perverted behavior was finally exposed. He was a sick person to break into those poor girls homes and steal their underwear. It was her duty as his sister to report his gross actions to the local authorities so that he may be punished… and get help of course.

“I-I see… and you say you personally saw him steal t-the…. Stolen goods…”

“No, I didn’t see him steal anything. But one day I did walk in on him smelling a pair of underwear. He claimed that Alice’s laundry got mixed with his and that he was just separating them… but today when I saw that board and there in the middle of the pair of panties I saw him sniffing… well, II knew I had a duty to come down here and report it.” Rosalie let out a dry sob as she covered her face. “I just want him to get the help he deserves!”

The officer scrambled to find a tissue as he gave her some platitudes.  Honestly, men were so easy. Well her work here was almost done. Edward was sure to be charged for this. He would be labeled as pervert, and who knows what will happens after wards? Not like it mattered to her. Her family had made their choice a long time ago it seemed.

She had tried the Cullen lifestyle. She followed the rules Carlisle set down, and she tried to pursue a relationship with Edward no matter how much it disgusted her. The only thing she ever asked for was for Emmett and they made her mate feel and sound like an idiot every chance they got. Emmett was better than all of them. He was a caring and gentle giant that always found the blue sky through the stormy clouds.

After all that they still sided and chose to support a human girl than her and her husband… then she didn’t need them. They would find their place in this world with another group. Her first choice wouldn’t have been the Volturi but… they offered and she needed a way out.

“I just need you to sign this, conforming that this is your statement,” The officer said.

Rosalie took the report and looked it over carefully. She grabbed a pen and added and few more lines before she signed it with a flourish. “You understand why I had to do this right?” She asked. “He needs help. I think he even wears them… they looked so… stretched.”

The officer was flustered, his face was red and he kept fidgeting with things on his desk. “Of course Miss. I will be sure to give this to the Chief. It’s a very brave and noble thing you did.”

That was the end then. Rosalie stood and give the officer another sad look. She was leaving when the door to the station opened and in walked another officer, escorting her brother and Carlisle.

“Rosalie, what are you doing here?” Carlisle asked.

“Just taking care of some business,” she answered. Looking towards Edward she sent her former brother a smirk. “Edward, I heard about your display in town. How indecent.”

Edward didn’t look like he was in a playing mood though. She recounted how had snuck into each girls room and stole their underwear. She made sure to spray a little of Edwards special cologne in case some girls might be able to recognize it. She made the board and while she was writing out the stats in Edward’s handwriting, Emmett had been mounting the display in town, making sure it was be difficult to take down. Jasper was patrolling the area to make sure there were no witnesses and in the end they managed to pull off the Biggest Panty Raid in Forks history. Of course it was probably the only panty raid in Forks, but it was still the biggest. She thought about all of this so Edward could read her mind and know exactly what she did and why.

“I must be off. Goodbye Carlisle, Edward.” She was officially done with them now. Tomorrow there was a plane that she was getting on. Upside to all this, she would no longer have to go to high school. She wouldn’t be stuck retaking all those silly classes and having to mingle with humans.

It was going to be wonderful.

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Q - What type of dog does every vampire have?

A  - Bloodhound!


	28. Let The Prongs Hit The Floor

 

When everything at the station finally calmed down, and Carlisle had posted bail for his son, Charlie went home. It was a tiring day and he didn’t think he had ever dealt with such a strange case. Edward had said he didn’t do it and that it was his siblings who framed him. He said they broke into each girl’s home the night before and did all this to humiliate him. Since he needed to check everything so his case was air tight, he sent some deputies around but, not a single house showed any signs of forced entry. Even the families with security camera’s had shown nothing out of the ordinary. Although one house did show a family of skunks living under a porch, it wasn’t something he could arrest anyone for. Next, Edward had tried to tell him that his siblings weren’t normal and they knew how to not get caught, but he wouldn’t explain further. Thus that lead was dead. How would he justify such an accusation in court. As much as they tried, you couldn’t judge someone on a vague statement that would lead to their innocence.

In the end, with all the half formed excuses and stories, no evidence against the siblings, and some damning evidence against Edward, Charlie had no choice but to book him and charge him with several crimes. No sweet talking from the good doctor could convince him otherwise. He had a duty to get justice for those girls and he was going to do it. Even if Bella would never speak to him again afterwards.

It was with a happy sigh that he entered his home. He was looking forward to sitting down with a nice cold one and relaxing. He knew he needed some down time, because despite his efforts to try and reconnect with Bella, this instance was sure to drive her further away, but what was he supposed to do? It was his job. Before he could get to that much needed down time he desired, he spotted Felix sitting on the couch with a serious look on his face.

“Felix, what seems to be troubling you son?” He asked. He may be tired but he was always willing to lend an ear.

The man looked up and then sighed heavily. “You know that Harry got his acceptance to the smart school right?”

“I do.” He was quite proud of the boy. He was getting the chance to put his brain to use and reach its full potential.

“And you remember how I’m a model and have tons of money right?”

“I suppose.” He wasn’t aware of Felix’s financials. He wasn’t a person who looked into that type of thing. He did remember the expensive car the young man drove, and the fancy clothes he liked to wear, but he never looked further than that.  

“Demetri and Harry have gone through so much lately, and well… I wanted to give them a gift. I got us tickets to go visit Disneyland. Harry has always wanted to go and well, when he starts school, I don’t see him having much time to enjoy with his brother.”

Charlie was stumped. He knew the boys were good friends, and Felix frankly adored Harry. His own friendship with Billy Black showed that good friends did good things for each other. After all, it was Charlie who found and bought Billy his first truck after the accident, already upgraded to accommodate his friend’s new disability. He didn’t use the truck much these days as Jacob drove him around, but he had been very grateful at the time. It was a very generous gesture that Charlie felt himself understanding. “That’s very kind of you.”

Felix shrugged his shoulders. “It’s the least I can do. We’re leaving tomorrow. We will spend two weeks there and then fly to Seattle where I have another friend of mine currently looking at apartments. I want to take care of them. But I also wanted you to know. When the brothers get settled, we want to invite you around for dinner to thank you for everything you have done for them.”

“I would like that.” He would miss them. He enjoyed the energetic group in his house but he knew the boys had to move on. Harry needed his school, Demetri wanted to independent, and although it was just an inkling, he thought that Felix needed to be near the man he loved. He had nothing against it. He thought Felix was good for Demetri and he already adored Harry so there would be no resistance there. Maybe after living together Demetri would finally open his eyes and see his friend’s affection for him. It was just a small feeling Charlie got but then again, he didn’t think he was wrong. They were too close and familiar around each other to just be simple friends. You didn’t look like you spent a hundred years with someone and not have some underlying love.

“Good, I’m glad. Demetri is out picking up dinner, and Harry is taking a short nap. All the excitement over Disneyland tired him out. We’ll be leaving very early in the morning so Demetri made me promise to keep you around long enough to have one last family dinner before all this happens.”

Charlie smiled at the young man. They were such a good bunch. “I won’t wander off. I’ll just get a beer and wait then shall I?” Felix grinned so Charlie did just that. He let the boys do what they needed, and twenty minutes later when Harry was awake and Demetri had some burgers and fries on the table, they sat down.  Harry was slathering every food in sight with his special ketchup and Demetri was humoring him by pointing out pieces of food he missed. Felix was laughing and stealing some of the now soggy fries, and Charlie just shook his head and kept his meal a safe distance away. God, he would miss these boys.

o.O.o

Sam was tired. For the past few days their land had been overrun with all manner of beasts. He smelled some other shape shifters, ones not native to their area. They ripped through the reservation, leaving scars on the land. Sam and his pack had been tracking them, chasing them away as best they could. Some would just suddenly stop taunting them and took off, like he had a new purpose. He didn’t care since those ones never returned.

He knew what was happening. One wolf had been happy to tell him all about their mission to kill the Volturi. Sam was all for it. He encouraged them but only if they left his land and the people in Forks alone. Some were agreeable and others were too blood thirsty to care. Sam and his pack needed to take them out.

He cursed the Volturi and the Cullen’s. If those nasty leeches hadn’t come to his home none of this would have happened. He wouldn’t need to run his pack mates to exhaustion every night. He wouldn’t fight with Jacob constantly as the younger wolf refused to admit he was wrong about Bella. Honestly, he wanted to smack Jacob around until he finally got a clue.

“Sam!” Seth’s voice happily cried. “I smell something delicious!”

“Seth no!” Sam cried as the excitable started running off. He could smell it too. It was food. Very delicious food, but you couldn’t just trust anything out in these woods. It could be a trap. It probably was a trap.

He chased after Seth, him and everyone else on patrol. They followed the small wolf until they reached the boundary and found a long line of dog bowls waiting for them. Some one of them had water and the rest food, but all of them had a name on them. Every member of his pack had a bowl.

He growled at the sight. Who dared mock his family like this! Transforming he walked forward and kicked a bowl that said Paul. He found a letter hanging from a tree and ripped it off.

_Sam,_

_Thanks for having us. It’s been a lovely experience spending time with you and yours in America. Unfortunately, we the Volturi, will be returning to Italy tomorrow. We have left this gift as a token of our appreciation. Also, as a hand of friendship, we would like to warn you that tomorrow morning, should Bella swan not be a vampire, we will be killing her. Toodles!_

_Eternally yours,_

_Volturi._

“What’s it say?” Paul asked. He had switched back to human was poking at his bowl of overturned food sadly.

“They are leaving tomorrow and warn us that if Bella is still human, they will kill her. The food is a gift…” he sneered. He was happy to see them finally leaving. Maybe once they were gone his peaceful life would finally return.

“So it’s safe to eat?” Seth asked.

Sam snarled at him. “Do you want to risk it after last time? I can’t afford to have you all stuck on a toilet when our woods are full of deadly creatures. You can’t protect anyone when you’re shitting yourself!”

“But it doesn’t taste bad…” Seth mumbled through full cheeks.

Sam could only growl as he saw that the young wolf had already started eating. Honestly, how could you be a big strong shape shifting wolf when you had absolutely no survival instinct. “I said no Seth!” Sam cried.

“But, my tummy said yes….” The boy trailed off. “And it does taste good. I think this is the high grade expensive food you buy your dogs. Like the ones that are packed fll fo nutrients to help them lead a long and healthy life.”

“Are you a fucking commercial?” Paul asked.

“No… but it’s thoughtful right? That they got us the good stuff.”

“It’s still dog food idiot,” Paul answered. “We’re not dogs.”

“We kinda are… wolves and dogs are closely related,” Seth pointed.

“Still doesn’t make us dogs!”

“But-“

“No buts. We are humans… that turn into wolves,” Paul argued.

“If our ancestors were a little less connected to the wildlife and a bit more modern we could turn into dogs.”

“We would never turn into dogs. Dogs are not one of the clans. If not a wolf we could be an eagle or a turtle. Do you want to be a turtle Seth? Should I go find you turtle food? Should I tell your mother to only feed you lettuce?”

“Why would we turn into turtles? They can’t protect against vampires,” Seth said with a confused look.

Sam was tired of the whole conversation. He knew he wasn’t the smartest but how did he get stuck with two idiots like this? Why couldn’t the wolf gene give them some intelligence.  “Will you two shut up!” He yelled. “It doesn’t matter what we are, the point is we are not eating that food, good shit or not it’s still a slap in the face. Second, Bella Swan will die tomorrow end of story. Either she is turned and we kill the Cullens for breaking the treaty or the Volturi kill her for not being a vampire and then we need to kill them. We need to speak to the elders right now.”

“Right, we should. But… can I bring the food?” Seth asked. “I am a growing boy after all…”

Sam stared at the young wolf. The vampires needed to leave because there was no way this idiot was going to survive. “Eat it. Eat it all then go home and tell your sister she’s in patrol now. When we find you dead tomorrow covered in your own shit, I’m telling them why at your funeral.”

Seth hesitated but then he shrugged his shoulders and dove right back in.

o.O.o

Bella sighed as he stared at the window. She was in Edward’s room waiting for him to return. Carlisle had already told the whole family what happened at the Police Station. She knew everything would be alright though. Edward wasn’t guilty of stealing underwear. Her Edward was a perfect man. He already had her and despite the rumors flying around, she was all he needed. He waited 100 years for her after all, they were meant to be together.

Sighing again as he was carefully thrown mournfully across the chaise lounge, she contemplated on how she could relate the trees to her situation. It was would be a wonderful metaphor and when she went to talk to the Cullen’s later she could use it to properly express her sadness at the situation. Without Edward or Jasper around, no one knew how she was feeling, and she needed sympathy right now. The love of life and future husband for eternity was in trouble. Sure they had their own problems and were anxious about the whole Volturi thing, but she needed all their attention and support right now.

Soon she would be turned and life forever young as a beautiful supernatural being, but it would be terrible if her first few days as a vampire was spent away from Edward. They told her she wouldn’t remember much and would be near crazy with blood lust, but she knew she was special. Edward couldn’t read her mind after all, so naturally that meant that she would bypass thousands of years of proven vampire fact and not go through that terrible time where she would embarrass herself. Sure she may be plain face, dull brown hair, dull brown eyes and not the smartest crayon in the bin, but she was special and would surely be the most perfect vampire ever turned in the history of vampire life- all because Edward loved her.

Knowing that they could hear her, Bella sighed again, hoping that they would know that she as in a terrible place right now.

But back to the trees.

They were tall like Edward, strong like Edward. They were big and leafy on top which was like Edward’s hair was perfectly wavy golden locks. They were cold and rough like Edward, but she liked that. Edwards cold lips were soothing to her lonely and misunderstood mind. His strong arms made her feel like no one could ever touch or hurt her because he was there to protect her from the outside world. Tree branches were so wide and over bearing, like how Edward would follow and watch her wherever she went, because he knew that she would need him and he was always ready to be there for her. Trees were so perfect.  Without them the world would be covered in pollution and ugly. Like her life without Edward. There it was. The very thing she would say to the Cullen’s when she saw them later.

She was thinking about going down and telling them now, just in case she forgot later, when there was a loud commotion and in front of her very eyes, the Cullen’s, the Volturi, and the Wolves were all gathered on the Cullen’s front lawn. It warmed her soon to be very dead and stone cold heart that all these big strong and good looking men were fighting over her. Except Harry. That little brat of a vampire needed to die. Maybe one of the wolves would kill him.

Needing to know what was happening, Bella quickly left her spot to investigate.

o.O.o

“Alec just called, our plane will land in an hour and we plan to meet it there. Which gives you exactly 65 minutes to turn Bella Swan, or we kill her,” Demetri spoke as all the invited parties arrived. He couldn’t wait to go home.

“You can’t put us on a time limit like this. Bella needs to finish school. We planned for her to get accepted to a school far away so that no one would notice when she transforms. You didn’t give us enough time,” Carlisle argued.

“we gave you enough. We wanted to kill her but only Alice’s vision that she would be a vampire stayed our hand. Turn her or she dies.” Demetri wanted this whole affair done with. It was bad enough that he spent the very early hours of the morning posting signs everywhere to all creatures that they were leaving the area and that if they wanted a real fight to meet them in Italy. He much preferred fighting in Italy where his nice hot shower was only seconds away when he wanted to wash the blood of the fallen off him.  Blood just didn’t wash out of vintage clothes well.

“She will be turned but just not yet.”

“See this is where we have a problem as laws are such tedious things but without them we would be nothing but mindless animals. Our laws, as you know, state that a human cannot know of our existence. If one finds out, they are to be killed. We made an exception for you but that is as much leeway we are willing to give.”

The wolf leader stepped forward then. “If Bella Swan dies, then you will all be killed. Our treaty-“

“Has no place here.” Demetri cut him off. “That treaty was made between you and the Cullen Clan. It does not include the Volturi and has no influence on our laws. As a nation, we have lived by these laws for centuries. An insignificant piece of paper between you and the Cullen’s will not stop us from killing her. Had you made this treaty with the Volturi then we would be obligated to adhere to its conditions, but as no Volturi representative was present at its signing, we do not need to listen.”

The Alpha puffed up and looked ready to retaliate, but Demetri didn’t care. The pack was only invited her for one reason, and so far they were doing their part fine. “But if, the Cullen’s do turn Swan, we will not stop you from killing them. There is a treaty stopping them from biting humans after all. We wouldn’t want to break such a thing. It should be an easier task now that three of their members have left them for good.” He couldn’t help but take that jab. It was a nice victory having three members leave the once great Clan.

“What do you expect us to do? If we don’t turn Bella you kill her. If we do, then you are allowing the Quileute tribe to kill us,” Carlisle pointed out.

“What a pickle you are in.” Demetri emphasized each word as he causally leaned against a tree.

Carlisle was desperately looking between the Volturi and the wolves when his eyes got wide. “There’s only two of you,” he announced. Demetri grinned cruelly. “Why are there only two of you?”

He finally noticed. It was a shame the man was so distracted by all the hostile forces around him that he didn’t see it earlier. If he had he might have been able to better protect his favorite child’s mate.

“Ah you see, Harry is taking care of our guest of honor. We wouldn’t want her to get lost would we?” Demetri helpfully pointed to the sky above them where there floated Harry and Bella. The girl was gagged and struggling but it was futile. Harry was happily sitting on her head with her arms raised and trapped against his chest, keeping her in the air with him. It was for the best really. Imagine if Carlisle had the time to get her somewhere safe? That would only extend their stay and it seemed no one wanted that. “It’s hard to hear one single frantic heartbeat when you have men with such rapid heartbeats nearby,” he said as he pointed to the pack. “It doesn’t help if their Alpha is a short-tempered man who likes to yell, thus muffling any noise Bella could have made when she was captured.”

The three god smacked looks on the remaining three Cullen faces were well worth the month he had to stay in this awful town.

“Now it would truly be awful if Harry were to… drop her.”

There was no hesitation as Harry grinned evilly and completely let go of the girl that _was_ floating two stories above the ground. It was sure to be a lovely picture when she hit the ground.

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Did you hear about the sick vampire?

He went from bat to worse.


	29. Prong Prong Prong- by Big Prong

 

Harry caught Bella before her face became best friends with the rose bushes. He quietly giggled as he noticed that not one person moved to save her. Maybe he shouldn’t have caught her… but they had something fun planned and her early death would ruin that.

As all eyes were on him, it gave Felix time to get in character. Demetri was running around behind that scenes, and theirs final act was about to start. Raise the curtains, do the countdown, cameras roll, and starter pistol at the ready.

“Good Morning Ladies and gentleman and welcome to our Breakfast television show!” Felix happily announced as he stepped into the Cullen’s yard after a costume change. “You may notice some set pieces from a very famous and well received game show and we hope that you will think back and fondly remember the good times that show brought.”

The assembled group were all staring at him with varying expressions. While Harry was happily giggling from the air and Demetri was setting up some props, the wolves were confused and the Cullen’s were furious.

“This morning our top story is the Bella Swan. Many of you are wondering will she die? Or will she get her wish to live an eternal life in luxury with her soul mate?” Felix walked around the yard using a hairbrush as a microphone. He finally came to a stop beside the giant white board that Demetri set up.

“Before we get to the conclusion, many viewers wrote to the show expressing some doubt that Bella and Edward belong together. I will read a few letters now.” Taking out a card, Felix cleared his throat dramatically.

“Viewer One says ‘ _They are very similar, like two empty black corner pieces of a puzzle. They don’t belong together’_. Well it looks like writer, ‘A Hairy Situation’ has thought long and hard on this. He does raise a good point. You don’t put corner pieces together.

“Our second letter is from, ‘De Vamps be Cray Cray’. He says ‘ _Back in my day, singers were for drinking and the band was for sharing. You don’t marry a hamburger._ ’ That’s true. If you marry a hamburger you will just watch it grow old and start to smell. Mouldy food is just the worst to clean up.”

A fake audience reaction noise was cued and the garden filled with a pitying sound.

“I know. Who would doubt their young inexperienced teenaged love?”

Sam cleared his throat as he struggled with something. “What’s going on?”

Felix glares at the Alpha. “It’s not time for audience participation yet,” he snapped. “I’m trying to run a show here. Do you know how hard I worked on this script? We need ratings or we are cancelled and you are not helping. I’ve had network presidents on my ass all week telling me this program needs to pull in the numbers or I can start looking for a new breakfast television show to host.”

“What show?” Sam demanded. He clearly wasn’t in the mood for fun.

“My breakfast television talk show- Morning Wood- be better with Felix.” With an saucy wink, Felix opened his arms to accept the applause and love from the audience… if they had one. A good one at least.

“You’re not on TV.”

“Of course I am. We are currently live broadcasting on VOX- Vampire Original Programming.” Felix shook off his interruption and plastered a large fake smile on his face. “Now before the break we saw Bella plummeting to her death when a certain little vampire got a sudden case of the butter fingers.”

Cue audience laughter.

“Now, I can truthfully tell all you anxious fangs out there that Bella Swan is still alive!” A loud groan sounded next and Felix let out his own chuckle. “I know. You were hoping we would switch over to our man in the field as he reported on the no doubt beautifully gory death scene but not right now folks.”

Carlisle took a step forward, probably planning to stop the parody in front of his, but at the last second just backed out. The action didn’t go unnoticed. It just illustrated how defeated the Doctor was. For decades the Carlisle stood strong for his family and beliefs. He held his morals to his chest so tight it became a permanent badge but slowly… they had beat that badge. It wasn’t destroyed but it was clearly worse for wear.

“See before Bella Swan dies, one man must make an important decision.”

“Fine, we’ll change her. I promise we will,” Carlisle yelled, his self-control was diminishing. “Just stop all of this.”

“Ah, I’m glad to hear that but that was not the choice we were going to give you. Carlisle Cullen, you must choose between changing Bella or keeping three family members that are ready to walk away forever.” Felix gestured his arm out fully to the white board and Demetri spun it around to reveal two pictures. One had Bella’s face and the other the three missing Cullen’s. Above their heads was a large banner saying ‘Choices- Dead or Alive’.

They didn’t even need their stolen pre prepared Hollywood sitcom audience sound effects. The wolves were all impressed by the elaborate show and preparation. Which, granted, they should be. It wasn’t easy sneaking into a major network television sound room to steal these things. There was always someone there- either editing, pitching new ideas, or having highly inappropriate office relations.

“I can’t choose between them. I love all my children. I want Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper to come back but I can’t tell Edward that he will be alone for eternity. It was destroy him. Just put Bella down and we can find a compromise, I promise,” Carlisle begged.

Demetri chuckled as he examined his nails. Carlisle was looking for time and they really didn’t have any to give. They had a schedule to keep and frankly he was tired of this situation. “Bella is our bargaining chip, we wouldn’t just _throw her away_.”

Harry started to spin, he was preparing for a discus throw, ready to hurl the girl in his hands over the tree tops and hopefully into some painful branches. In hindsight, he should have taken the time to prepare earlier and sharpened some trees to really skewer his prey. Reaching that correct angle and speed, combined with his gut instinct that it was time to let go, Harry opened his hands and let that monotone cardboard puppy fly.

Bella screamed as she flew through the sky. Carlisle, Alice, and two of the wolves were all moving to catch her, but before any of them could save her life, Harry swooped down, caught her, and carried her back in the sky. There was no way they were letting her out of their control just yet. If the animals saved her then she would be whisked away to the reservation for protection. That wouldn’t keep her from the Volturi, but it would delay their leaving just that little bit more. IF the Cullen’s caught her, they would wrap her in bubble wrap, several blankets and tell her everything would be alright as they tried to fight them off.

“Oh my bad. Phrasing is such a finicky thing.” The group was still tense. To Harry, it felt like they didn’t trust them. He saved Bella didn’t he? The Volturi were people of their word. Most of the time. Bella Swan would not die until Carlisle made his choice. Of course that didn’t stop them from having fun until that time.

Harry pouted. He had been practicing and he was positive that he could have launched her a record breaking distance. His form was perfect, he calculated the angle just right, and if he wasn’t some stunted vampire child, he could have aimed for the Olympics with his potential. Gold medal for Italy! Or would it be for England? If he wasn’t a vampire he would have grown up in England, maybe realized his potential and gone on to win gold only to age and fall into a depression as no one ever recognized his achievement. Or his skill came from his vampire strength so, if Demetri had waited until he was just a little older before slaughtering his family and changing him, he could look  16 and enter the Olympics. But then there was the issue of the sun and he was pretty sure he lacked papers, so they would need to falsify that, and truly he could only get one Olympics under his belt before people noticed that he didn’t age…  he felt cheated on the whole thing.

Deciding to pay attention again, Harry focused on the group below him.

“- to do it outside of Forks. My family and I will pack our things and leave,” the doctor begged.  “Once we break the town line we will change her and take her away to somewhere safe so she can transform… just allow us to do that.”

“You heard it here first folks! Carlisle Cullen has thrown away three of his family members for a human!” Felix cried. “Live on the air, he has rejected two of his own created children. This is unheard of. In all of Vampire history, no vampire has ever decided that a human is more important than their own child.” Felix quickly walked across the grass towards the pack.

“I’m live on the scene and I’m asking bystanders what they think about this whole thing.” Picking out the closest wolf, which happened to be Seth, Felix stood close to the pup. “You were here when Carlisle Cullen said he chose Bella, what was going through your mind?”

Seth looked startled and unsure but he opened his mouth. “Um… I thought it was kind of ah… a duck move.”

“And why do you think that” Felix followed up.

“Well it’s just… family is important and stuff.  Not that I want Bella to die or be a vampire  or anything but… parents are supposed to love their children forever. My mom loves me even though I cause trouble and even when a was little and flushed all her gold jewelry down the toilet. So it’s really bad that he didn’t pick his kids.”

“Very wise words we are hearing for the younger generation,” Felix stated somberly. “Now, back to the studio.” In the blink of an eye, Felix was back beside the white board and the three Cullen’s children’s picture was crossed out.

Slowly sliding towards the Cullen Patriarch, Felix extended his hairbrush towards him. “So you don’t care that by biting her, you will have successfully driven away three of your other children?” He asked.

Carlisle looked devastated. “It’s not like that at all. At this point my family is so broken and scattered the only thing I can do is try to keep what remains close to my heart. Edward needs Bella and I need him to stay. I will change Miss Swan.” The poor doctor was crumbling and desperately reaching out to forcefully hold on to any shred of his family that he could. It would be sad if it didn’t benefit that Volturi.

Felix slowly stalked around the family, a smug grin on his face as they finally reached the end game. “What a heart breaking scene we have before us, but… there is one last segment folks. Before we started the show today, we sat Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper down for a short interview. We asked them about their lives with the Cullen family, the connections they made, and what they wished would happen today. Here is their interview.”

Demetri timed it just right that as Felix finished speaking, a large white screen fell down the side of the house and a projector started up. The first image was of the three former Cullen Children sitting on a couch and facing the camera. Off screen Felix asked them a question.

**_How would you describe your time with the Cullen coven?_ **

Rosalie shifted. “It was nice. I can’t remember my human life much, but I know that I received more warmth and love from the Cullen’s than I did my birth family.”

“I was lonely most my life. I know my family died young and I raised myself. I learned to hunt to feed myself and finally finding a group of people that wanted to help and support me was great,” Emmett answered.

“I liked not having to fight all the time. Before them all I knew was fighting and death. My mind calmed.”

**_Why did you leave them if you loved being there so much?_ **

Jasper was first to talk to this time. “I never felt like a real part of the family. I wasn’t bitten by Carlisle, I didn’t conform as well, and I was always left to do the dirtiest of deeds while others were sheltered. Finding out that I wasn’t appreciated or respected enough to be listened to on such an important family matter was an open door, telling me it was time to go.”

“I love my mate. I know what it feels like to find my mate. Seeing Emmett being the butt of every joke, seeing them disregard my mate as unimportant and treating us like we don’t matter, was terrible. I won’t stand for that. We deserve better.  But I also know that Bella is not Edward’s mate. They aren’t destined to be together. When I try to tell them, they don’t listen. We’ll let them all suffer with that choice then.” Rosalie sniffed when he finished talking and looked away from the camera.

“Rosie wanted us to leave and I support her. I could see we weren’t appreciated. If I believed she was wrong, I would have tried to talk to her about it. But she isn’t.”

**_Finally, if Carlisle decided to not change Bella and apologize, would you go back?_ **

Emmett gave the camera a wary smile. “Probably. They would need to work hard to get Rosie to forgive them but I would go back if she was with me.”

“They would need to make an effort to be nicer to my mate. They need to prove that they want us there and that they will take out opinions into account. No more moving across country because Edward doesn’t get his way. No more humans in our home unless we all agree. Things would need to change and be more democratic.”

Jasper nodded his head. “I can live without my mate, but I shouldn’t have to. I want Alice to show me that she loves me as much as she tells other people. I would like her to listen when I speak and support my decisions and opinions even if they aren’t the same as hers. I would go back, but not at the cost of my morals.

The video ended with Jasper’s final words. It had been a quick interview and they told the three to be honest. Demetri had told them that they should leave with no regrets. This was their chance to say something and they may not get another.

“It seems that Carlisle did have the chance to reunite his family but once again he threw them away. 

Harry giggled in the air. Those two could be so cruel sometimes.

Demetri stared each Cullen in the eye before settling on Carlisle. “They would have come back to you, you know- Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. They do love you in a way. You only had to choose them over Bella, and they would have come back to you. Instead, you chose the human girl already believing them to be gone from your life forever. That family you want to keep? You just traded three for one.”

“They are just like the teenagers they go to High School with. They were acting out to get your attention. They thought that if they ran away you would finally notice them but you didn’t care,” Felix added.

“Now they are joining some fancy cult that promises them the world. They won’t return to you. Maybe in a few decades they will miss you, maybe want to come back but… if they do see you they will know that you traded them in for a newer less intelligent model.”

“Or they will never miss you and come to love their new life. When the day comes that we finally exterminate you and your family, they will be standing among us, uncaring that it is you they are there to kill.”

Carlisle fell to his knees in despair. “They wouldn’t…” he quietly denied. “They… they aren’t like that.”

“What are they like? Happy little sheep ready to follow their shepherd wherever he goes? I think we’ve already proven that’s not the case.” Demetri walked forward and spoke as he stared Carlisle in the eye. “We won.”

“And that’s it for today’s show folks! We won’t leave you wanting though. Before we leave we will give you all what you have been waiting for,” Felix announced.

Demetri didn’t look away from the Cullen Patriarch as he spoke next. “Harry, do it.”

It was a task he had wanted to do since he first met the human girl. Harry grinned and giggles manically as he raised the girl up and bit into her neck. He tore a big chunk out, relishing in the delicious blood that gushed into his mouth. Fresh blood was always the tastiest. Cries of horror sounded from below as he licked his lips. He was a good boy though. He had instructions. Throwing the human away from him, he watched as the creatures below him struggled to catch her.

Bella Swan would be turned or she would die. He guaranteed it. No more waiting, no more compromises. This whole affair was done.

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Joke Of The Day**

Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?

A: Vampire Camfire.

 


	30. Out Of The Prongs

 

“Well that only took forever. I felt like we were stuck in that town for years!” Felix complained as their car pulled up to the airport. “Did anyone else feel like this whole thing just dragged on? We should send an apology to Aro for taking so long. It felt like we’ve been in limbo for five years. Right?”

“I admit, there were times where I thought this charade would never end. Those Cullen’s, they are something else,” Demetri answered. “We will turn her, we won’t turn her, we will turn her, we won’t turn her. They made such a simple choice seem like life or death…. Well… it was, but she would have only died a little.”

“When you live with humans so long you pick up their bad habits. You start to care about those miniscule details like morals and continuity.  This is why they should have turned her at the start. I feel like it could have saved us so much time, like 4 novels and 5 movies worth of time,” Felix ranted. “ ‘ _Oh Bella, I’m a vampire’_ ,” Felix pitched his voice to mimic Edward and Bella.. _“ ‘Oh my sweet salty knickers!_ ’ ‘ _I love you, Bella. Your blood makes my heart sing, cause I’m a wild thing_.’ _‘Oh Edward, please turn me and turn my dull boring human life into a never-ending rerun of mind-numbing blank stares into the distance_.’ “

“Felix, I think you’ve been here too long,” Demetri broke into Felix’s no doubt Academy award winning performance. Although, Harry vaguely thought that Edward’s voice sounded like Elvis Presley with marshmallows in his cheeks and Bella was a Southern Belle with the husky sound of a smoker. Felix should probably work on those.

Harry hummed in agreement as he licked his fingers clean from Bella’s blood. Felix had never been good with being bored. Harry was surprised he lasted this long in Forks. Once, they were in Thailand and they got trapped in their hotel room for a number of days because some Chinese deal they were haggling went wrong, and Felix got so bored that he started to carve a tunnel into the floor to escape. The hotel staff and the people staying in the room below them were quite surprised when Felix came falling through the roof and landed on their bucket of champagne and chocolate. The poor almost engaged couple had been in hysterics and Felix hadn’t been able to walk straight for a week. “Should we check the cameras? They had to have turned her by now.” Maybe seeing Bella’s fate would perk up his friend.

Demetri smiled at him. “We will once we get on the plane. I know Alec is anxious to see you,” he responded. Demetri opened the door and grabbed Harry before he could start floating around.

At the mention of his friend, Harry popped up like a Meer cat. He forgot that Alec said he was coming to get him. “Do you think he will like his souvenir?” If it wasn’t for Demetri’s arm around his waist, he would surely be flying over the airport, desperately trying to get to the plane first. He really hoped his friend like the gift he brought him. It had been hard but with a lot of innocent charm and some more rumors, Harry had managed to convince Edward’s fangirls to photo-shop him into various hilarious positions. One he was a cat stuck in a tree crying out for help, and another he was a circus elephant on a unicycle juggling all his rumored lovers. Jessica and Jacob were scowling, but Bella was blank faced because, even with photo-shop no one could give her an expression.

They managed to slip through the airport quickly. With all their money it was easy to have their own jet, and bypass most security on the way to it. As soon as the aircraft was in sight, Harry began to squirm.

“Alec!” he cried. “Alec, come out of the plane and see me!”

 Slowly, because he knew his friend was a jerk and was probably taking his time to open it tiny inch by inch, the door began to open.  When there was an opening big enough, Harry squirmed out of Demetri’s arms and took off. He jumped through the gap and tackled his friend to the floor. “Alec,” he cried!

The blonde gave him a flat look. “I see you still haven’t learned any manners since you’ve been away,” the teenager pointed out.

Harry giggled as he latched himself on to his friend and refused to let go. “Alec, you missed so much. There was this one time that we were having afternoon tea and we put laxatives into the cream and then we had the werewolves eat them. They were so trusting and they really shouldn’t have since we are enemies but they ate the food anyways and then I heard later that the grocery store in town almost ran out of toilet paper because they were all going through so much. So then the store there had to make an extra big order of toilet paper the next week but on the way we sabotaged the truck and we put itching powder all over the paper and everyone who bought the toilet paper had itchy bums for a week! They didn’t figure it out at all! They are so silly. Even Charlie, the police chief we were staying with had an itchy bum and he kept complaining and he changed his laundry detergent and blamed the ‘damn company always trying to find a cheaper option and running a good thing’.”

Alec firmly put a hand over his mouth to stop him talking. “I know. I heard everything you did on the hundreds of messages you left me.” Harry pouted.  He just wanted to tell his friend everything exciting that happened. It was so much better to hear it now because Harry had time to come up with even more exciting details to share. “You will have the whole plane ride home to talk my ear off. For now, I believe everyone would like an update to the Cullen situation.”

Alec finally stood up from the floor and carried Harry to a seat. This finally gave Demetri and Felix the opportunity to enter the plane.  The firs tthing the pair did was greet the three new comers.

“Japser, Rosalie, Emmett, I hope you got here without any problems,” Demetri greeted in his own way.

Rosalie sniffed and started to inspect her nails. “It was hardly a challenge. If we can’t even make it to the airport in time, how will we be of any us in the Volturi?”

Felix laughed. “True. I would hate to kill you since Harry did a get attached.”

Emmett grinned as he decided to join the conversation. “Let’s not talk about such depressing things. I hear we have a video to watch!”

Harry cheered as best he could with a hand over his mouth- it came out very muffled. They were finally getting to the good stuff. It had been a very long time coming, and the conclusion of their mission to Forks was just moments away. Bella’s blood still lingered on his tongue making the moment even sweeter as he tried to tug Alec towards the television to get everything started.

Once everyone took their seats, including Emmett whose very large frame took extra time to fit into the small airplane seats, Alec turned on the television that was connected to a camera they left at the Cullen house. It recorded everything since this morning.

They watched the whole breakfast show to the end, seeing even more reactions than previous. At one point Seth and Embry had even applauded one of Felix’s bad jokes. Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were silent when Carlisle made his choice. They didn’t seem surprised, but there was still an air of sadness to them. It must be hard to know that your sire stopped caring for you. Harry didn’t know that pain, Demetri was always taking the very best care of him, but he could imagine it would hurt. He silently applauded the three for remaining so stoic through the whole thing.

Unfortunately, Alec’s hand was still covering Harry’s mouth, stopping the phenomenal commentary he had running through his head. He was positive that if his words were allowed to escape, they would have surely cheered up the three. In his experience, there was nothing a good joke or funny story couldn’t help. And he had a lot of funny stories to share.

Finally they reached the climax. Harry bit Bella’s neck in two, dropped her, and the Cullen’s swarmed like a pack of termites onto a piece of tasty wood. As they were escaping, Carlisle was cradling Bella and pumping his venom into her. It sounded very dirty without the video evidence of the good clean wholesome vampire turning happening on screen. Sam roared, shifted, and then attacked the Cullen’s. Alice and Esme tried to fight the wolves off, and Carlisle made a run for it. When the doctor apparently made it clear of the danger zone, the others took off after him. The wolves howled and took chase. Once everyone was off screen, they turned the television off.

“I think that was the perfect conclusion. It doesn’t matter if Bella survives, we forced Carlisle to make a choice and now she won’t be a liability anymore,” Demetri said with a large smile. “Overall I think it was a job well done.”

Harry slumped back against Alec. With Demetri’s words, it felt like all the adrenaline he was running on since he got to Forks evaporated from his body. He was tired, lethargic, and just wanted to have a nice quiet journey back to Italy. Alec, being the kind vampire he was, finally took his hand away so he could speak.

“Can we go home now? I miss my room,” he whined.

“Of course we can,” Demetri reassured him.

Harry smiled at his words and turned to snuggle more into Alec. Maybe he would close his eyes and pretend to sleep. He liked to pretend to sleep. It was like being human without the commitment.

“I’ll tell the pilot we are ready to go,” Felix spoke from the other end of the plane.

The plane engines just started to turn when a loud ringing sounded from Demetri’s pocket. Harry opened his eyes to see Demetri reading something from his phone. “Lovely,” Demetri muttered. “I installed one of those police radio apps. It was just updating me that a number of people from Forks are reporting a large wolf pack running through the town. They claim to have seen one catch and eat Alice Cullen. I’m terribly sorry Jasper, but it seems your mate has perished. They also said they saw a bloody Bella Swan being saved by Carlisle Cullen. Well it seems Carlisle will have his perfect little family with just the four of them. Edward also escaped. Well not all stories can have happy endings. Shall we take off then?”

Harry closed his eyes and let his thoughts leave him. Jasper would be okay. He was a soldier after all. No, the three Cullen’s would fit nicely into Volterra.

 “I should have mentioned this before but Aro has asked that we stop by in England before returning home” Alec spoke quietly. It’s not like they had to talk loudly- they had super awesome vampire hearing after all. “He said the country is in desperate need of some pest control and well… Felix is the best.”

“Then to England we go.”

**_Le Pron._ **

**\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bad Jokes of The day**

Q: Was Dracula ever married?

A: No he's a bat-chelor.

Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?

A: Blood Light.

Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?

A: Can't you count Dracula!

Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?

A: Ghouldilocks !

Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite ?

A: Veinilla !


End file.
